I went and talked to a psychologist this morning. He told me that I would eventually get over her death and then I'd be able to move on. He didn't get it so I won't be going back. I needed to know how to survive without getting over her death. I never will.
He did tell me that sharing what I’m feeling, even if it’s only on line, will help me process my sadness. So I’m doing that here, not that anybody is going to read this shit.
I picked up Suzy's ashes on the way back from seeing the psychologist. They put her in a pretty little box in a pretty little bag. You can think it's as morbid as you want, but she is going to stay on my night table till spring. Once the snow is gone and the ground is soft, the girls and I are going to plant a lot of flowers around the dogwood tree on the hill behind our house. Then we will put Suzy’s ashes there so she will become part of them.
Yesterday I was reminded of the last time I danced with Suzy. She always had this thing for disco music, even though most of it was written before we were born. She talked about it on another site.
Wow, did I have fun last night! Amy took me to see KC and the Sunshine Band! It was a dinner concert and (somehow) Amy got tickets for one of the front tables. It was also a "70's costume" party so Amy was dressed in a lime green Double Knit Leisure Suit, flowered silk blouse and matching suede saddle shoes and I was in a lemon yellow ultra mini dress, with pearls and big ass platform shoes. We looked good! (had a hard time keeping my ass from showing, though). We got tired pretty quickly and ended up coming home before it was over, but I DID get to dance with Amy a couple of time which was WAY cool.
I can close my eyes and still see her laughing as she "twirled her pearls" and did the Bump with the girls. She was so pretty and full of life.
After I saw the psychologist I filled the prescription for Xanax that our doctor gave me. I'm ready to try anything that will make me numb for a while.
After I found the KCSB video, I looked for one that could express how I'm feeling. This one is perfect. He almost got the name right too.