An eerie foul smelling fog covered the floor and wafted up in my wake as I stalked towards the helpless children.
Not daring to flee they could only whimper in fear.
They both softly moaned “No… no… please not that” as I malevolently glared and placed what I had carried in front of them.
Tears ran down their faces as their cries for pity grew louder, but I showed no mercy.
As I yanked open the top of what I had placed in front of them, more of the rank, vile stench escaped.
The sight of the smoldering abomination contained within finally broke their mental bonds and they both ran away screaming in utter terror.
I waited long and tedious minutes until they finally realized that there was no escape the way they had run.
As they both cautiously peeked around the entry, I spoke.
With a voice seething with anger and disgust, I said,
“Yeah I know I burned the freak’in pot roast again. That doesn’t mean you two had to go all drama queen on me!”
So the moral of this scary tale, my dear children, is that if you have the opportunity to learn how to cook and, instead, wish to do other more enjoyable things, you must live with the consequences!
(and rather large pizza deliver bills)
Muahahahahahahaha!
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Comments
I wish I lived next door.. I cook enough for a batallion..:)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO pot roast hugs for you.
just rated with BIG hugs:)
Use the oven timer and these:
http://www.reynoldsovenbags.com/index.aspx
The secret to a perfect turkey is to make sure you grab the legs and make it dance madly before shoving it in the bag. The bags seal in moisture and save on electric by cutting cooking time by more than half. Only the flour and the 6 cuts in the bag (use tiny Katana) are essential or Kaboom.
I cooked for the first time as a newlywed and once blew up a gas stove a little bit, oh well. Do NOT give up. Your kids need to learn fearlessness, I still light old stoves. Ha ha ha ha...
I love my little pressure cooker!!
The liquid in the bottom just perfect for a package of Knorr gravy mix.
^R^
I refuse to say here what I was thinking was in the box!
{[R]}
@Larry: Has someone you know forgotten to turn on the oven? That would be very embarrassing. lol
By the way, be very careful if you choose to use a pressure cooker. I have a cousin who opened one under pressure. The consequences took quite a while to recover from and entailed care by a relative.
Aside from that, you'll be fine. If they're old enough, have the kids help you cook; then they'll have a vested interest in the results.
Libmomrn: My kids don't think so! ;~)
Linda Seccaspina: No I wasn't. Sadly, except of the "Halloween adjective" this is a true story - the freak'in brats RAN!
kateasley: I'm getting pretty used to those faces! :~D
l'Heure Bleue: I almost used my BIG katana to carve the thing, but changed my mind cuz I didn't want to dull the blade. ;~)
SheilaTGTG55: YES! To paraphrase hugs, me, "Pizza is my friend!"
Bill Beck my GOD!
Post roast? Pressure cooker debilitation?
When my son was 14 and me and my wife decided he was old enough to be left alone (we set it up with a neighbor to have someone check in, but the guy wasn't around when this happened), he decided to have a bunch of his friends over, and they threw a frozen pizza in the oven. Only they didn't take the cardboard off the bottom. It caught fire, set off the smoke alarm, my son grabbed it with an oven mitt and ran to the back alley where he stomped it out and threw it in a dumpster . . .
Yeah, that's right, it wasn't out. Twenty minutes later, after the party had resumed, a fire truck rolled up. They put out the flaming dumpster, and one of the firefighters told my son: "Wow, you're parents are gonna be pissed, dude."
Scary.
Rated.
Sorry I missed this yesterday. A belated R for clever.
rate