This is Ms. Carolee Bildsten…  the face of the new American Taliban.  (Please note the “ee” spelling of the first name…  a coincidence???  I think NOT!) 

Who else would conceive of such a horrendous attack against all that is good and wholesome…  and against a cop no less; the shining example of justice and the American Way.   

For those of you who are not aware of this brutal assault against our men in Blue, allow me to elaborate: 

On Tuesday, November 9^th, 2010, according to the Chicago Sun-Times, Ms. “Taliban” Bildsten allegedly walked out of Joe’s Crab Shack in Gurnee, Illinois without paying her bill.  It bears noting that this is not the first time that this has occurred (which isn’t surprising seeing as how evil terrorists rarely pay their tabs and NEVER tip worth a damn!).   

After the police were called, Ms. Bildsten was found near Six Flags Great America l(a known terrorist hangout) and she appeared to be drunk (an obvious terrorist ploy).

When the police officer told her that she had to go back and pay her bill, she “lured” the officer back to her apartment allegedly to get money (ANOTHER obvious terrorist ploy).

This is where Ms. Bildsten showed her true colors! 

Once she got the poor, unsuspecting police officer in her apartment, she walked into her bedroom and returned with a "clear, rigid feminine pleasure device held over her head  in a threatening manner".

Luckily for all of us, the officer disarmed her and placed her under arrest.

You can read the whole story here: 

What I want to point out is how easily this type of terrorism can be identified and thwarted:

• Ms. Bildsten fits the EXACT profile of most terrorists (come on…  you’ve all seen the little old, drunk grandmas that get pulled out of line by the TSA for strip searches!)
• The police obviously were suspicious of not just her appearance but by her being passed out face first in the grass in front of Six Flags (you got it….  Obviously another terrorist ploy)
• How quickly Chicago’s Finest managed to disarm her (at great personal risk of being "dildo'ed I might add…  no doubt he will receive numerous citations and awards of valor).
• How the Chicago Police showed tremendous bravery by not beating her senseless while on video or shooting her six times while she was restrained (BTW, here’s a shout out to the Boy’s in Blue in California who would have beat her senseless while on video and THEN shot her six times while restrained)
• The use of a “weapon of mass distraction. (Hey!  Once I got smacked along side of the head with one when we were… ahem…  never mind that part…  BUT IT HURT LIKE HELL!)

So in closing, just let me offer my thanks to the brave men and women of the Chicago Police Department for preventing what could have been an incident of monumental proportion.  So, in the words of that old police Sergeant guy on Hill Street Blues, "Hey, let's be careful out there!"

Weapon of mass distraction photo courtesy of http://www.sportovni-potreby-relaxace.cz/luxusni-eroticke-pomucky/

The term weapon of mass distraction stolen, with no shame what so ever, from Boanerges Redux