Yeah, I know, “What the hell is SHE doing here on Foodie Tuesday”!

Well, I’ll tell you!  There is NO ONE who knows how to eat and talk at the same time better than an Italian (I’m Sicilian actually, but most people don’t know the difference even though Sicilians ARE genetically superior  ;)  ).  I also copied this recipe out of one of Safe_Bet’s notebooks so you don’t have to worry about being poisoned.  She was a GREAT cook.

Now back to the subject.  Most foods have to be talked around.  At best, you squeeze in a few words in between bites.  However, certain Italian foods are meant to HELP you communicate better.

Like when you serve crunchy, crusty bread with a dish of good olive oil and another dish of good marinara sauce.  Not only are these things good to eat during the inevitable listening stages, but they are integral parts of the conversation.  The food is PART of the conversation.  It is its own words and expressions. 

For example:

You see those two guys sitting over there?  See how the one guy is using a freakin’ knife to put marinara sauce on his bread?  That is him thinking, "I don’t believe a word you’re saying”.  If the other guy AND his sauce didn’t suck the guy wouldn’t be using a knife he’d be dipping his bread in it to show his appreciation to what is being said.

Now see those two chicks sitting over there?  See how the one dips her bread in the olive oil so deep that it drips off the side?  Okay, wait for it….  THERE!  Did you see how her tongue darted out and licked the side of the bread?  That was her saying “Oh, baby…  I am SO gonna rock your world later tonight….”

Lastly, look at those two kids sitting together.  See how they make sure that they have as much marinara sauce AND as much olive oil on one piece of bread as is humanly possible?  That’s them saying “Hey, food’s to be enjoyed, so shut up you face!”

Safe_Bet’s GOOD Marinara Sauce:

 5 lbs. Roma tomatoes  (so ripe they “squish”)

4 cloves of peeled garlic  (BTW, if you don’t have a garlic press, get one!) 

½ cup Olive Oil  (and for gods sakes people, buy some good olive oil like Colavita or Carapelli.  Otherwise, you might as well be using freakin’ Pennzoil!)

Salt (to taste – use more for dipping and less if served with pasta)

4 tablespoons Sugar (less if the tomatoes aren’t REALLY ‘squishy’ ripe) 

Black Pepper (to taste, but enough, especially you white bread eating Americans!)

4 leaves of Basil  (FRESH basil people!  That dried stuff in a can SUCKS!)

1. Cut the tomatoes into small cubes and then lightly smash them with a potato masher.  (and yes, you leave the freakin’ skins on them!  Only an idiot peels a tomato before making sauce!)
2. Run the garlic cloves through the press (smash them well with a fork if you’re an idiot and didn’t follow my suggestion to get a garlic press) and sauté the resulting “puree” in half the olive oil along with two of the basil leaves until lightly brown.
3. Add the tomatoes and the remaining olive oil and bring to a boil.
4. Reduce heat to a simmer and add salt, pepper,  sugar and cook for approximately one hour or until thickened.
5. Remove from heat and crumble in the rest of the basil.  

Serve in a big common bowl along with loaves of crusty Italian bread and plates of that GOOD olive oil I know you bought (leave the bottle of olive oil on the table because you will need more and you no longer need to be embarrassed by having a bottle of freakin’ “dollar a gallon”  olive oil on your table). 

Now listen while it talks to you and says, “Yeah, baby, ‘che meraviglia’!”  :~D