This is a picture drawn by my worst nightmare - a 10 year old girl named Rachael.

I know Rachael and her mother from a women's shelter I help at a few towns over.  Her mom is literally hiding from the abusive ass that knocked her up when she was 16, got her addicted to drugs and alcohol and turned her out as a prostitute before she was 18.

 Needless to say, mom's a hot mess who desperately needs to go to a LONG drug and alcohol program to get clean.  That has left the dilemma of "What About Rachael???

The Social Worker from IDHS wanted to  send her to  foster care while mom's in treatment.  Mom's saying "Not just no, but HELL NO!" to that.    

Dead into the middle of the problem stumbles dumb ass me.   I grew up in the foster care system and I KNOW just how fucked up it is.  There might actually be some "Angel In the Outfield" foster homes out there, but I'VE never seen one and I was in a bunch of them.  Most of them are in it for the money (and could give a shit about the kids) or are in it as a means to indoctrinate a new crop of fundy, haters (yeah, I'm talking about you Evangelical Child and Family Agency).

Anyways, I throw in my unwelcome two cents that it's just for 90 days so find some local family that will take her. 

This gets the Social Worker squawking and the Shelter Manager facepalming because it CAN'T be done that easily.  There are rules to be abided by, approvals to be given and permits to be issued before THAT could ever happen!

If you know ANYTHING about me you know that by now I'm pissed.  

I start in with my "Well fuck your rules!  We had to fight those same stupid ass rules when my late wife wanted to watch some kids after school so they wouldn't be home alone all the time!  We finally had to get a bunch of permits to do it.  It was stupid then and it's stupid now!"

Now I've known for a long time that most Social Workers are conniving, sneaky bitches.  I don't hold that against them because they are usually trying their best for the kids involved.   Still, my blood ran cold when she gave me this gleeful freakin grin and said, "You know, that if your permits are current, Rachael could attend the same school as your daughters and stay with YOU!"

Rachael is a cutie.  she is kind of shy, too damn polite & well mannered and scared to death.  Both of my daughters, who are a couple of years older then her, adore her.  She gets along very well with both of them.   I hate the foster care system and detest the idea of "sentencing" any one to it.  I see myself in her every time I see her.

On the other hand I'm a single woman who never wanted to be or intended to be a mom.   My kids call me "Poppi", FFS!  I am on the butch side of adrog and I have a serious isue with this whole "nurturing" thing.   I have enough problems dealing with my own twin daughters.  I most definitely am NOT equiped to care for  a third, even temporarily.  I've got my own shit to deal with, dammit!

****** 

The picture at the top of this post was drawn by Rachael.  She is really excited because we have ponies.  She drew this picture of what she wants to do when she meets them for the first time.

Once I saw it I knew I was SO fucked.

What About Rachael??? 

Rachael will be "visiting" this weekend to meet the ponies.  CPS will be verifing my permits.  Rachaels's mom will be going to rehab.