Evil (adjective) 1 a : morally reprehensible : SINFUL, WICKED (an evil impulse) b : arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct (a man of evil reputation) 2 a archaic : INFERIOR b : causing discomfort or repulsion : OFFENSIVE (an evil odor) c : DISAGREEABLE (woke late and in an evil temper) 3 a : causing harm : PERNICIOUS (the evil institution of slavery) Merriam- Webster Dictionary
It seems I spend an inordinate amount of time railing against the evil men and women running our government and their co-conspirators in corporate America. As a practicing wordsmith, I decided to do an adjective check.
It's official, they are all definitely evil.
If you doubt it, look at the definition above. Morally reprehensible. Arising from actual or imputed bad character or conduct. Causing discomfort or repulsion. Causing harm.
Then I thought, Who am I to pass judgement on others without checking my own moral compass? So I took a little test. Tongue in cheek, to be sure. And I can say without reservation or false modesty that I may be a lot of things, but I am not inherently evil.
The test confirmed it. Take it yourself and see where you stand ... not too close to our president and his evil posse, I hope.
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so I guess I got to drive that score down---or maybe change my screen name to "New York Guy". . . .
maybe I need to go hang out with her.
Anybody else I should visit? Sit at the feet of and just learn?
I am apparently very evil. And too evil to care.
Those who love me probably also fear me. A lot.
I have to play my atheistic Super Mario Brothers now (do you know how many insects are killed in this videogame?!) while drinking a Guinness.
* You've looked at nudie pics online (No. Just Hardcore Porn).
* You've secretly wished someone harm (Not so secretly either)
* You've kissed someone you shouldn't be kissing (What if they kissed me first?)
* You've said something so mean it made someone cry (Sadly, yes. Yes I have. My shame is palpable.)
* You've done illegal drugs (You are kidding, right?)
* You've killed a bug (millions of them)
* You've spit in someone's drink (No! I have PISSED in someone's drink, but they deserved it).
* You've sought revenge on someone (Revenge is a dish best served ice cold and I've served up a platter-full in my long life)
* You've made a prank phone call (That's too childish, even for me)
* You've turned people against someone (Of Course).
* You've illegally downloaded music online (I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me).
* You've flirted with someone to make someone else jealous (No. But I know somebody here who has!)
* You've told racist / sexist jokes (When I was 13)
* You've called someone the "c" word (When I lived in England where the word cunt is sometimes a term of endearment as it: George, you silly cunt, I said Guinness!)
* You've made a promise you knew you were going to break (I promise I'll never do that again!)
* You've done the "walk of shame" (Spread face down on the ground, handcuffs, fingerprints, mug shots, a weekend in the slam and Monday morning arraignment, the whole nine yards. Or were you referring to when I walked down the isle?)
* You've corrupted a minor (Deliciously)
* You've divulged someone's dark secret ( On this, I wear a halo, for I am a true saint).
* You've made fun of a retarded person (Does G.W. Bush count?)
* You've cheated on a test... or a lover (Both, frequently, but not recently for either.)
* You don't believe in God (Fuck no I don't believe in God. I believe in the great flying spaghetti monster)
* You hate kids ( I hate YOUR kids. I love mine).
* You've gotten in a fist fight (Only lost one -- the first one. Broken nose, can't you tell).
* You made someone's life hell in school (My English teacher when I found out she was schtupping the captain of our football team, "Ned." Got an A in english for the first and last time ever.
* You've shoplifted or stolen from someone (Sigh! Yes. I have been a fucking thief too. What about you? You clean on this one? No? I didn't think so.)
* You've been so drunk you couldn't remember the night before (I once woke up in a trailer park in Missoula, Montana with a woman who weighed at least 400 lbs. That's one night I wish I didn't remember. She wasn't bad though. She raised a litter of kittens and the whole trailer smelled like cat shit. I can't smell cat shit today without thinking of that night.)
* You've vandalized someone's car or house (There is not a car in Boulder County with a Nader sticker on it that I haven't key-scratched)
* You've made fun of a fat person (Hand me my halo again. I love fat people, literally! somebody called me a "chubby chaser" but really, it's a short chase at best.)
* You have a fondness for disturbing pictures / anime. (Cartoon characters fucking! That's better than "Family Guy.")
* You've blamed a fart on someone else (Never! He who smelt it, dealt it.)
* You enjoy setting things on fire (Just your imagination)
* You've been arrested (See above)
* You've secretly backstabbed [sic] a friend (No. I've secretly back stabbed people I don't like)
* You would choose your life over the lives of 100,000 strangers (That's probably the dumbest damned question in this whole survey)
* You would kill for 1,000,000 if you were guaranteed not to get caught (I've killed people for $235 a month.)
* You've harmed yourself to get attention. (I fell down a flight of stairs to win the sympathy of a girl who I was trying to score with. It worked. But just the first time. She caught on when I kept doing it).
* You have a nemesis (Stellaa. But lately I've even found her kind of charming in a twisted kind of way).
* You believe in an eye for an eye... or even more for an eye (No. "Vengeance is mine," sayeth the Great Spaghetti Monster. I'll let her handle it. She has been doing a good job for me so far).
* You don't think lying to a stranger is a big deal (I lie on telephone surveys all the time. I wait until half way through the questions then I start hitting on the phone solicitor. I've gotten a few dates that way too, a long time ago.)
* You think giving to the homeless is wasting money (You fuckin'-A right it's a waste of money! I know a guy from Longmont who makes about $800 a week on the Pearl Street Mall pretending to be a burn victim, homeless cripple. One day his karma is going to eat him up.)
* You'll pick evil over stupid any day (I seem to be dealing in both equally).
* You aren't bothered by seeing others in pain (It doesn't bother me to shoot people, if that's what you mean.)
* You'd rather have world domination than world peace (Without domination, there ain't gonna be no peace. We're all animals and we will kill each other over the last grain of rice, the last fish in the ocean, and the last gulp of oxygen. We're doomed).
* You enjoy very violent video games (Kid stuff. I get stimulated by real violence).
* You are disgusted by weak people (I disgust myself sometimes. Other times, not so much).
* You would keep a wallet full if cash if it came your way (What do you mean "came your way?" You mean like if a hooker stole some guy's wallet and then she dropped it running from her pimp and I picked it up and I was in Nuevo Larado at a whorehouse in Boy's Town in 1981 and it was real dark and the wallet belonged to a Texan? Well! Not as though that ever really happened to me but ...)
* You rather harm an enemy than help a friend (The enemy of my friend is my enemy too. You've fucked with him, you've fucked with me. There will be payback.)
* You've shot a gun... and liked it. (I love the .50 cal. machine gun like a baby loves mashed bananas. The M-79 grenade launcher is a close second.)
* You'd rather be a supervillian than a superhero. (I don't go in for that shit. I'd rather be a super lover than a nosepicking dweeb who makes up asinine questionnaires about evil.)
I am much more evil than a SAHM is supposed to be.
* You've corrupted a minor (Deliciously)
Amen to that. LOL
68% and proud of it. Goodness can be very boring.
Having taken many virgins, I can tell you that it is over-rated.
I am that evil.
I knew she was but a young Paduan....
You wuldn't be a virgin, would you?
I did that, but I didn't think it was *evil* - just funny!
a hole is a hole is a hole...
For virgins:
the mouth ends in gagging
the vagina in bleeding
and the anus in just a smidge of poop
Evil doers know better ways.
I just read JD's post and if key scratching cars with Nader bumper stickers is evil then I am totally evil. 100%! Thank you JD---I'm better now. Roger
"Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
Ive been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where there will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That its later than it seems
Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if its too late for me
Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry"
Sandra, how did you know i have midget feet?! :)
And my mother put bacon in Hindu appetizers once. The be-saried women were all atwitter about this exotic American flavor.
And five of them, I had no intention of ever staying with.
I guess opposites attract. Not thrilled with some of his answers though. Jeez.
I think this survey must be biased in some way, because I couldn't be any more vanilla - no drugs, minors, vandalism, or arrests, for starters - and I still got 70%. Instances of bias: for one, I did make a pregnant co-worker cry once, but she started it. And for another, I only call men the "c" word when I'm getting my Brit on, so I'm not sure that should count (he wrote, checking the spelling very carefully) against me either.
I'm kind of disappointed how low that is.
Then again I wasn't asked
"have you ever licked a mouse to death"
or
"how long will you lie in wait for something to stir behind the trash bin?"
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil."
But I gotta ask, what do illegal drugs and evil have to do with one another.
And Lauren, I don't think there would have been quite the problem there was with sex in your parents' bed if you'd have given them a chance to leave fist ... ;-)
Now, that is true Evil.
It worked out better for us that you didn't, of course.
that I get the last word on Evil.
But my result on the "What's Your '50's Name?" quiz made me doubt the accuracy of these tests. So perhaps I am 27% evil and midnight.
I squirmed a bit answering the questions truthfully, too...
It must be on account of all the mosquitoes I've swatted on camping trips without remorse.