My High School Education, Lessons in Anti-Semitism
"It's the genteel anti-Semitism of the time. Jews were politely shut out of the country clubs and the higher echelons of WASP culture." Dan Wackerman
Racism is much in the news lately. Religion and religious extremism has been getting a lot of play too. It's all made me remember (not that I ever forget) my first experience with anti-Semitism. In high school. A private, elite prep school on Philadelphia's Main Line. The Baldwin School. Special, eh. You decide.
A current back story: Last year some parents claimed a Baldwin teacher mistreated their child. The school fired the teacher, who then sued. The parents counter-sued. Baldwin and the teacher reached a settlement. It made splashy headlines in Philly.
The family who sued are Jewish. I don't know if it's relevant to the teacher's alleged attitude. But you'll see why I wonder. The parent's behavior reported in the news was way over the top, so the whole thing comes down to "they said, she said." Plus, they pledged millions for a new athletic building, which blurs Baldwin's claim of impartiality.
The Baldwin I attended in the 60's was different. My sister and I were the only Jews in the school. Many of our WASP* classmates had never met a Jew.
Obviously, times have changed since my day. Now Baldwin has a large Jewish population, parents active on the board and in school life.
But some things never change.
The painful memories of what happened to me there are unequivocal. Blatant anti-Semitism. From a teacher. A department chair. The Headmistress. And thus, the school.
No firings back then. No lawsuits. Just a lesson in bigotry and intolerance that haunts me to this day. And it seemed to come out of nowhere.
I had a bad case of mono during Junior year. My parents paid some Baldwin teachers to tutor me at home, help me keep up. I especially liked the Latin teacher. She was nice, seemed to appreciate my gift for languages. I thought we bonded.
So I requested placement in her advanced Latin class for Senior year. But she was different at school. Cool and distant in class. Corrected my homework papers with big red slashes ... though I had made no mistakes.
Then I failed two quizzes in a row ... questions marked wrong that I'd gotten right. On the last quiz she included some new sentences I could translate into Latin to improve my grade. 'My father is a thief.' 'My uncle and my aunt beat their children.'
Huh?
Okay, I thought, this is weird but I'll try to approach her in a mature way. "If I've done something to upset you," I said to her, "please tell me and I'll try to correct it."
Her answer was stunning. "There's nothing you can do," her voice was cold, dismissive. "I just don't like your kind."
At first I didn't know what she meant. I just stood there, my face blank.
Until she clued me in, "All you Jews are liars and cheats. You can't be trusted."
Wow. Such unapologetic anti-Semitism. From a teacher. To a student. Surely the school would intervene. I went in tears to the Senior class advisor, who said I must have misunderstood. She sent me to the school's venerable Headmistress for clarification.
Rosamond Cross. A well-educated maiden lady of a certain age, straight-backed, white-haired, bespectacled, prim and proper. The perfect Protestant proprietress of an elite preparatory school for girls.
And a stone cold bigot.
Her reaction to the Latin teacher's unconscionable behavior? "Our teachers know best. You must try harder in class." In answer to my mother's subsequent outrage, her tune didn't change. "We always support our teachers," she told her calmly. "There's nothing I can do. You are of course free to leave Baldwin." Leave mid-semester? Hello? I was a Senior.
Then the AP SAT scores came. I had taken French, Latin and History. My Latin score was the lowest ... 651.
We appealed to the Chair of the Latin Department, Mrs. Gamble, who, though bewildered, echoed the party line. "There's nothing I can do." Then threw us a bone. "I'll tutor her myself this summer and make sure she passes."
Tutor me in the summer? I was supposed to be graduating. Small consolation. No consolation.
There I was, an honor student in all classes ... except one. An F in Latin. Facing the shame of unwarranted summer school, not the carefree summer of transition from high school to college. My early decision acceptance to U of Penn put on hold. Ultimately rescinded.
There's more. Yeah, really.
I had to sit alone in disgrace at my own High School Graduation as my 89 classmates filed onto the stage to receive their diplomas without me. A special indignity mandated by Miss Cross. If I didn't attend the ceremonies I would never receive a diploma, period.
My first day at Mrs. Gamble's house for summer tutoring, she handed me a page from Cicero to translate into English. I read it flawlessly. She said, "You've seen this before. You've practiced it."
I was so hurt and angry I wanted to scream. Throw something. Hit someone. But I sat quietly, ankles crossed, a Lady. "No Ma'am."
Three random pages in two different books later, she was finally convinced. "What did they do to you?" she cried.
They? I just looked at her. "Go home," she told me. "Your diploma and revised transcript will be mailed to you." As I was leaving, I heard her talking on the phone to Miss Cross. Heatedly.
Too little, too late. I spent the first half of my "freshman" year at Penn in the College of General Studies (i.e., night school for adult GED holders). Living at home. Humiliated. Frustrated. Bored to distraction.
My 4.0 grade average that first semester, my new, even higher AP exam scores and --finally-- a letter from Baldwin earned me entrance second semester a full time Penn sophomore ... ironically ahead of my graduating class. Supposedly as a result of my quality Baldwin education.
Quality. Right.
Sure, I turned out okay. Received my BA and MBA, lead a varied and rewarding professional life. But, you know as I know --no matter how much time passes or how great our achievements-- we never forget our High School years. Especially the pain.
I'm taking this story public because all the principal characters are dead now. Their disgraceful actions will live with me forever. And should never happen to any kid at any school ever again.
*WASP: White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, a non-pejorative title at the time, maybe still is, but any 'label' is offensive to me.
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Comments
Anyway, I digress. Thanks for the post. You obviously overcame that terrible pettiness.
Thanks for this.
Thanks Sally...you certainly have overcome more than I would ever have I'm sure of that. Such blind hatred is disheartening regardless of the time and society in which it's found.
My maiden name was Goodman, a common English sir name. Apparently, when the European Jews came to NY and passed through immigration, sir names that were too difficult to spell or pronounce were changed to Goodman.
I went to a Catholic school that had one Jewish girl. She was never in any of my classes, but the only thing I had against her was that because she was Jewish, she was excused from religion class each year. I didn't think that was fair, but no amount of arguing got me out of religion class.
Going to college on the East coast was my first experience of anti-Semitism. I was baffled that people I never met shunned me. I thought it was because I was from the Midwest or not wealthy enough or ??? I had no idea until the remarks starting coming at me when I spoke of being Catholic. "Yeah, sure you are..."
There were a lot of rolled eyeballs and Humphs and all kinds of comments. I was sooo naive, that I didn't put two and two together until I was told point blank -- we don't believe that you are Catholic.
What me, the church organist?? "Why not??" Because your last name is Goodman -- all Goodmans are Jewish. Huh -- but I don't even know the holidays??? Doesn't that mean something? You are a liar.
When I went to Catholic Church with one of the bigots, he was waiting for me to sing the hymns. This was a more modern church, so I didn't know any of them. So, all the accusations started up, again. Finally, I thought -- who gives a shit? It is no skin off my nose if they think I am Jewish. Eventually, I dated a few Jewish men, and enjoyed learning the traditions associated with each holiday. At college, however, I was shunned by both the WASPs and the Jewish kids. I was not without friends, but there were many awkward moments in the dining hall.
When black people tell me I could never know what it feels like to be black in my heart I know that I experienced very directed bigotry. I can tell you in all honesty, that level of misguided hatred is difficult to get past. Of course, being myself, I just thought less of those that felt this was acceptable behavior.
Sally, again, I know to some degree what you have experienced, it is terrible and you have my utmost respect -- especially for pursueing Latin in the face of all. I sat in a German class for two days, and was stared down so hard by the professor, that I never returned. My hat is off to you!
I've always had a lot of African American friends, starting in college (god knows there were none at Baldwin) and they get that I get a lot of their pain. The big difference is bigots don't hate me on sight.. only after they learn I'm Jewish.
I should mention that my classmates, many good friends, were as clueless as I. Some of them even ashamed when they found their parents wouldn't allow them to bring me home. One father chased me from the house throwing dinners plates, screaming, "Get out, get out, you goddam Jew!" He was, at the time, president of the biggest bank in Phila. Go figure.
Haggis, was your mother-in-law there when Jean Harris was Headmistriss? That would've been interesting.
Well done.
I'm Jewish too, but my town on Long Island, almost all Jewish meant that I had none of your experiences in anti-semitism. I was miserable for other reasons, so I can understand your pain, and feel for you.
The irony about this kind of hatred is that my family always warned me that I was free from it, but not to think I wouldn't have plenty of anti-semistism as I moved along. I moved from the burbs into Manhattan and went to Barnard College--both the place and the schoool were full of Jews. I kept waiting to have something awful happen but it never did. Wherever I went I was surrounded by others who were not Jews but equally by those who were.
Looking back, I think that was because there are pockets of society where being Jewish is nothing to speak of, nothing bad, no hate.
The joke is that when at 26 amd heard the first anti-Jewish slur on the subway, I was stunned because though I was expecting it, I had avoided it, and no longer thought about it. Then, when I heard four women on the train say: "Did they Jew you down?" I was in shock. That's how protected I was.
I have one question for you. I know you were an excellent student and maybe that's why your parents chose a non-Jewish school for you because it was the best around. But in my generation (I graduated college in 1964) most parents were worried about not being part of any Jewish community and most kids who were Jewish did not go to such schools as yours, for the very reasons you posted. Why were you enrolled in a WASP school, given how much Jews were persecuted back then? I'm not doubting their love for you and your sister, but didn't your folks percieve the dangers?
I have now lived in many countries and though I know in the abstract just how virulent anti-semitism is, I have never encounted it directly or in any painful way. I have friends of all faiths and races, but either I've been lucky in this, or I've been blinded by my Jewish surroundings, what I didn't purposely choose. Ironically, my best experiences, the most meaningful as a Jew were when working as a journalist in the West Bank and even Gaza. The Palestinians were always glad to meet a peacenik Jew and probably those many days in refugee camps made me more Jewish just because of all the injustices perpetrated by my own race, who were persecuted themselves, to the max, as we know. So, again, why put young kids into a racist situation? What was the thinking over there? Best to you, Wendy
Even worse, though, was the racial prejudice we experienced at the school. When my husband was harrassed and threatened by another student (one who was already working as a minister in the community!) the school administrators refused to take any action against the other student. They insisted that my husband (a white man) was not telling them the truth and that the threats (from a black man) simply must have been in response to racial slurs on his part. They generously offered to take no action against him (my husband!) and to get him into a mediation program where he could work on his "issues surrounding race and gender".
So it seems that for my generation (x), the pendulum of class and privilege has swung the other way.
The only way to eradicate anti-semitism is by bringing it to light. As a father now, I watch my son's progress in elementary school and hope he'll never be subjected to it.
Wendyo, to answer your question, at the time my mother was recently widowed, I had read a book about an unhappy fat girl who went to boarding school and emerged poised, thin, happy and with a boyfriend. I only told my mother I wanted to go to boarding school. I think she was relieved to get rid of us for a bit, just to get her footing. We only lived at Baldwin one year, then commuted. And while no Jews there, had many friends. Remember, the anti-Semitism only came out my Senior year.
I've said often if I could do it over again, I'd have gone somewhere else.
That's not quite accurate. Most of those who attend CGS have actual HS diplomas, as well as college credits earned elsewhere. They attend Penn via CGS only because it allows one to attend part-time, unlike Penn's "day" school, something a lot of young working adults have no choice about. Especially those with families.
Yeah, that's what my husband says about his grad school too ;)
And, fwiw, I did have to listen to traditionally-aged students ask, aloud, as if we were not present, why the older people didn't just get the books and read them on their own. Apparently, they were completely oblivious to the fact that they were taking up space in classes intended for adults who could not attend their classes in the daytime.
I've always had a lot of African American friends, starting in college (there were none at Baldwin) and they get that we share a lot of the same pain. To be excluded for any reason, like not being good at a sport, is bad enough. To be excluded just for your skin color or heritage is plain ignorant. The big difference between African Americans and Jews is that bigots can't spot me on sight and thus don't hate me until they find out I'm Jewish. Remember your bible, too... the Jews were slaves in Egypt 6,000 years ago. That's our heritage, repeated in the Holocaust and still alive in good old America, so it always haunts us.
People think because some Jews are successful, we're all rolling in it, but not true. And we're always on guard, deep inside, for the next hammer. Yes, we have it easier in some ways, but our people struggle too. We have to stick together and fight all racism and bigotry.
I'm glad I didn't experience what you did. I think either I or my mother would have gone ballistic. I hope God has made these people who so immorally and heartlessly abused positions of power do penance in their afterlife.
Paws up.
As a result of your comment on DogWoman's blog I came by here too. What a story, but I really appreciated your interaction with ktm.
I was one of those GED graduates. I changed schools 27 times before I dropped out of high school to run away and hide until I turned 18 so the 'responsible' adults around me would have no more say in my life. It's not easy recovering from an education that has more in common with swiss cheese than a steady and deliberate increase in knowledge & intellectual skills such as discernment. When I was a Junior in high school a guidance counselor actually told me I wasn't living up to my potential: like she knew what it was like for me because I looked like every other 16 year old girl at school. Yes, I had high test scores on intelligence and aptitude tests and she interacted with me like that was who I was. I wanted to throw up when she said that to me. It sounded like she thought it was I who had character flaws and a lack of insight into my potential, which she accused me of squandering. The night before I had been beaten within an inch of my life. I was just trying to survive.
As a 25 year old freshman at University of Maryland I quickly found that the other students wanted my notes. I was the geek in the front row taking copious notes with plenty or space left over for review and annotations later. Since I was paying my own way, I suggested to those who asked for my notes that they might want to pretend that being a college student was a job.
I didn't even take the SAT exams. I argued my way in as a special student and made the honor roll right away. I was invited to participate in the Returning Women students program. As a product of a poor white trash background, I often felt that most of the people who were begging for my notes would not have survived my childhood. After a while, I was able to let go of that chip on my shoulder and now consider my background as having privileged me with skills and insight that aren't generally taught, but are always useful.
I appreciate your story because it illustrates something that I had to learn to get that chip off of my shoulder: all people suffer and not all suffering is the same but the nature of the pain suffering causes is universal.
Thanks. I adore your writing and your wit.
I hated high school for very different, and yet similar reasons. I was a Catholic going to an all-girls' Catholic college prep high school. I lived in a bit of a bubble and didn't know any Jewish people (and very few non-Catholics) until college. Unfortunately, in high school, because I was a girl (as opposed to the boys' schools) we weren't offered Latin and I didn't find out until Senior Year how separate-but-not-equal our status was when I was wait-listed at my first choice college.
But, to receive that type of treatment from a teacher and administration is the worst form of it. uggh...
Unfortunately, anti-semitism is still alive in this country. My friend's daughter, going to school in Arizona, has had classmates tell her that "her ancestors killed Christ."
And, the whole institutionalized version - putting up Christmas trees in public schools - even though at least a good quarter of the students are non-Christian. Sorry for the rant - your post touched a lot of hot buttons.
My son went to the Oregon Episcopal School in Portland from 8th through 12th grades. Although he had hair down to the middle of his back and painted his clothes, all the adults and his classmates were very welcoming (actually, the kids thought hewas the coolest because he looked like that; they were almost all totally preppy when he started there). It was a fairly "liberal" school with many Jews in attendance, but some things hadn't changed.
During his first year, he was assigned a role in the Easter pageant by his religion teacher. He was to be The Evil Jew!
He came home and told me about this (he just thought it was remarkably stupid) and I helped the instructor and the school broaden their tolerance level.
That was 1990. The fight goes on. Or, as Frederick Douglass said, "If there is no struggle, there is no progress. those who profess to favor freedom and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without ploughing up the ground; they want rain without thunder and lightning; they want the ocean without the awful roar of its mighty waters. power concedes nothing without a demand!"
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Nexium
Some years later, I went to see another psychiatrist and I was diagnosed as having irritable depression and Asperger's disorder. If the tools available now and the right people had been there to help, I might have done better in school.