No, this isn't a list of deathbed quotes. No, this isn't that old list that starts with "the check is in the mail" ... you know the rest. This is more modern, hip, annoying, real.
These are phrases most of us have heard or said at one time or another. Then usually wanted to smack ourselves --or the other culprit-- upside the head.
I don't know about you, but when I hear some of these --and yes, when I've been guilty of saying some myself-- I usually want to bang my head on the nearest wall until I cry.
Top 20 Famous Last Words
1. This will be a short meeting.
2. You can put it together yourself in ten minutes.
3. One piece of cake and a beer won't blow your diet.
4. You'll housebreak him in no time at all.
5. They'll feel terrific once you break them in.
6. We've been in business 30 years, we're not going anywhere.
7. When it says "Empty," there's always a gallon or two left.
8. If you knew anything at all, you wouldn't be a Traffic Cop.
9. You can make it -- that train isn't coming so fast.
10. Of course, bring the kids, we're happy to have them.
11. That's not poison oak.
12. She's going to love this, it's just her style.
13. Take off your clothes, the doctor will be right with you.
14. Your table will be ready in 5 minutes.
15. Of course they're mushrooms, toadstools come to a point.
16. No trouble at all, don't give it a second thought.
17. We service what we sell.
18. This won't hurt, just a little pinch.
19. Believe me, nobody's dressing up.
20. Yes, of course I've been tested.
Now let's hear yours.
*UPDATE... 20 More, From the Comment Gallery
It tastes just like chicken.
"I'll be ready to go in five minutes."
"Don't bring a gift."
"I can change" (one lover to another)
"Ok. Let me do all the talking"
Q. "Have you lost weight?" A. What, don't I look fat in these jeans?
"This too shall pass". [This is completely true, but NOBODY wants to hear it.]
"No dear, don't call the plumber, I can fix that myself."
"The market's just correcting itself."
"It was just that one time."
"I know how to get there."
"Ew. Smell this!"
"Don't worry, sweetie, I will finish that later and put it all away."
We're here to help you.
"I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes."
I won't do it again, Mom, I promise. OR "It wasn't me!"
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"I know it's past the expiration date, but it's Ok."
Your other dogs will love him.
"Can I just touch it."
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Max Rivlin-Nadler
drlaura2
Kristina Lakes
mhold
L in the Southeast
Jane Brogan
Salon.com
Comments
"All I ask is that you try."
"I love all of my children exactly the same."
"No, the pleasure is mine."
"We'll laugh about this later."
"Really, I welcome the criticism; it's how we learn."
"I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes."
And of course those lying last words about last things:
"Your grief will ease over time."
Then there was my former boss who said to me, "You got a lotta ideas, but we wish you'd just tell us the good one." I'm not making that up.
"Your job is secure."
"We value all our employees."
"This is just temporary."
"Anyone can do it."
"It's perfectly safe."
"I know the package is open, but it's new."
"It's so calm you won't need a life jacket."
"I'm sure it's not a real alarm, just a test."
"I didn't mean to say that."
"It's nothing. Don't bother the doctor about that."
"I know it's past the expiration date, but it's Ok."
"Come on, this will be fun."
"It's completely legal."
"It's a sure thing."
"It's an antique."
"You'll never regret it."
And my favorite. I don't if it's true, but supposedly these were the last words of a Civil War general: "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--"
Like there's no other word for the affirmative. It's becoming a
catch all....I graciously, might I add, thanked the check out person
at the store the other day and she said "absolutely" Absolutely
what????
Stop it. Stop it now.
3. One piece of cake and a beer won't blow your diet.
When will you ever learn?
My addition: Winning isn't everything.
good post.
Are you losing your hair?
Did you use deordorant today or is that the sewer I smell?
What's your I.Q., bitch - couldn't be above 70!
No, but I am on a diet to try to gain another 100 pounds.
What, don't I look fat in these jeans?
Who told you? I didn't know anyone knew I was anoerix.
No, but I found your mind. I think you lost it in the 1970s.
What, did you hear something? Who told you? No one's supposed to know!
Yes, I've been doing the horizontal rhumba with your husband - burns up a lot of calories; always wondered why you have such a great figure - now, I know!
That means I'll be the only one showing up empty-handed.
Great list, especially for April Fool's Day
"It's only an hour from here."
"Tomorrow's going to be sunny and warm, with highs ......"
"No, offisher, I drinking been haven't."
"It's so amazing we'll give you your money back if not completely satisfied!"
"Yes, sir, the installation tech will be at your house tomorrow between eight and ten."
"No dear, don't call the plumber, I can fix that myself."
"I'll be ready to go in five minutes."
"Pick out whatever you want, my treat."
Good list, Sally my gal. Made the rest of the folks in Prairie Dog Village here ask me what's so funny. :-D
Thumbed.
She was right. At least she was telling the truth.
"I've never done this before ... with a man."
Or
"I've never done this before ... I'm just a fast learner."
Or
"I've never had it back there before ... I guess I'm very flexible".
Or
"Sorry, about the damaged priceless ship-in-a-bottle collection. The doctor said, he'll outgrow this violent phase ... once he has a lobotomy."
Or
"We can go to Mexico once my divorce is final ... my divorce from the State Justice Dept that is."
Rated Seriously (yeah, right)
"You can't miss it."
Jehovah's witness to me: "This will only take a second"
"You have so much potential."
You know you want a baby. It don't hurt much. They knock you right out.
Meetings were born from the loins of Satan...does Satan have loins? Well, he does now, Sally, he does now.
On this side, we say, "No, that's not Poison Ivy."
Or howsabout, "Ew. Smell this!"
"The check is in the mail."
"My dog ate my homework."
"She really loves you."
"My dog is house-broken."
"They don't eat much."
"I'm not really hungry."
"Just one beer, please."
"I think I love you."
"Can I just touch it."
"I'll get right to it."
"I'll call you tomorrow."
Rated & Cheers!
2.) We don't report these obvious clerical errors to the credit bureau.
3.) Since you've been with us so long, we' ll just ....
4.) Sure, they are threatening to sue, but it should go away.
5.) Can you make a payment and a half ?
6.) Have you looked for a third part-time job?
7.) It looks like the framijamitz has come come into contact with the spuzwringer. Can you leave it overnight?
"I don't think we need a reservation."
"They never start on time."
"I know how to get there."
"Oh that. He's my cousin."
"We encourage to try again."
Here are mine:
"Everybody's putting their retirement money in company stock. You can't lose!"
"It was just that one time."
"It can't cost more than X", where X equals all your money.
"No, this probationary period doesn't mean we're putting you out the door." Yet.
"The boss wants to see you"
".........I will return your call at my earliest convenience."
Well, I certainly don't want to put you out........
"I'll have the work done in two weeks" Which means I am going to take your money and you will never see me again.
"Try it, you'll like it" That is a phrase I will always associate with boiled spinach and thowing up in the yard.
Of course my all time favorite is "Trust me, I know what I am doing".
I forgot to add: "Trust me, I know what I am doing".
GeeBee, a biopsy gun used on your prostate? OUCH!!
Also a question: What are a redneck's last words?
Answer: "Hey guys, watch this!"
"It's delicious"
(No, that's not an entry.)
This made me laugh about ten different times today.
exactly what was called for but I just had to get that out. Thanks
for giving me the opportunity.
Odette, you're so right, "But we can just lie together naked." I heard all through college too many times to count.
I'm so glad everybody's contributing and/or enjoying.
My contributions:
"Can you hold a moment, please?" (it's NEVER a moment)
"Excuse the house; it's a mess." (said by a hostess with an immaculate, dust-free home)
"You'll see results within the first week!" (You'll be lucky if you see results in the first seventy-two weeks.)
"I'll call you in the morning." (Has this ever actually happened to anyone?)
Trust me, baby, trust me.