We have a great kitchen. I have all the right pots, pans, utensils. But I only own a small hand blender. I don't grow my own herbs. And I definitely don't bake.

Reading recipes, especially for baking, is torture. It's advanced chemistry. My mother's a great cook but she never baked. I used to think that was the reason; like mother, like daughter. Nope, it's the result of my dyscalculia. Short definition: dyslexia with numbers.

My family's well fed, nobody goes hungry ... it's not like I don't know how to use the stove. I never make frozen dinners. We occasionally order pizza. And when visitors want Philly cheesesteaks and hoagies, who am I to say no?

I can put together tasty, healthy, basic and, if absolutely necessary, fancy meals. Still, cooking doesn't excite me. I don't get a creative rush. At best I enjoy the throw-in-and-taste method. Which is how I came up with my meatloaf and heavenly mashed potatoes.

So why am I offering this recipe? I commented on Sandra's post of random thoughts about her dislike of meatloaf and mashed potatoes. I said she'd love mine, especially the mashies. First Silkstone, then a few others asked me to share.

Caveats
1. The key to non-gummy, non-lumpy mashed potatoes:
       a. CUBE the potatoes for boiling.
       b. Use ONLY a RICER, not a masher (definitely not a blender).
                                        
               
     Ricer = Good           Masher = Bad         Blender = Glue

2. I'm not noting quantities beyond this: one potato per person plus two for the pot. The other ingredients should equal about 1/3 the amount of potatoes used.

3. I never cook with salt. It goes on the table so people can season to taste.

4. I use minced (crushed) garlic from a jar. Purists can do it by hand. People roast it too, but the potatoes will taste the same either way.

5. This isn't a lo-cal dish. But you can easily make it that way. You know how.

Ingredients
White or Russet Potatoes (Not Yellow)
Yellow Onions (Never Red)
Ordinary White Mushrooms (optional)
Olive Oil
White Cooking Wine (or any white wine)
Milk (and/or Half&Half)
Minced Garlic
Coarse Garlic Powder
Ground Black Pepper
Paprika
Butter (chicken fat optional)
Chicken (or, if you must, Vegetarian) broth.

Step 1
• Peel potatoes cleanly.
• Cut into uniform cubes. 
• Put in a big pot with lots of cold water.
• Bring to a vigorous boil.
• Set your timer for 15 minutes. (If you're cooking for more than 4 people, boil 20-25 minutes).

Step 2
• Heat olive oil and minced garlic in a fry pan, medium high. 
• Peel onions, cut each in half, then cut each half into slices.
• Wash and cut mushrooms into quarters.
• When the garlic begins to brown, stir in onions and mushrooms.
• Add coarse garlic, ground pepper and paprika. Stir.
• Add white wine.
• Saute mixture until tender. Taste and add more garlic and paprika if needed.
• Turn up flame, add butter. Stir.
• When it starts to stick, add more wine and some chicken broth. Stir constantly to get everything brown and a touch crispy.
• Turn off heat, leave pan on burner.

Step 3
• Drain potatoes and put back in the pot on very low heat.
• Stir with a spatula 2-3 minutes to release excess water.
• Mash with a hand-held RICER. 
• Add milk or Half&Half (or both) little by little to reach your desired level of creaminess. C'mon, leave some texture.
• Stir with spatula, then mash with ricer some more.
• Add the garlic/onion/mushroom/wine mixture.
• Throw in another splash of white wine. (The kids will sleep better).
• Fold mixture thoroughly into and throughout the potatoes.
• Put into oven-safe bowl (or leave in the pot) and into the oven.
• The oven should be hot from the meatloaf or chicken you just took out.
• Get everything else ready, put potatoes on the table last.
• Sprinkle a little paprika on top.
• Serve on a trivet, cover with a lid to keep them hot.

Eat your heart out. Almost certainly.

What? You want my meatloaf recipe too? Okay. Next time.