Masturbation In Utero
Why Men Are Cool
"Nice people with commen sense do not make interesting characters, they only make good former spouses." Isabel Allende
1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. Or cares.
4. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. Why Women Are Cooler 2. We can convince you of the inaccuracy of every scale ever made. 11. We are never threatened by women smarter and stronger than we are. Bonus: We don't care if we're cool. Find time to watch this. It's funny, intelligent and contains important feminist-humanist information.
5. A two-week vacation requires only one suitcase.
6. One mood, ALL the damn time.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work ... more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
13. You can stare at tits for hours and never get bored.
14. Handling a family crisis takes just 3 words: "Ask your mother."
15. You expect extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Bonus: The world is your urinal.
A woman did not conceive this. No woman would buy it.
"Posture. My back is always straight. And I don't make old people's noises." Sophia Loren on looking youthful and beautiful over 70
1. We can talk dirty to a man and it’s not sexual harassment. Plus, we can make $3.99 a minute doing it on the phone.
3. We can pretend to let you convince us of the inaccuracy of every ruler ever made.
4. We beautify ourselves because we know the average man can see better than he thinks.
5. Our orgasms are real too but they last longer and don't require "Clean-up on Aisle 4!"
6. Less pay, less time, better results.
7. Women have curves. It’s been said that “a curve is the most beautiful distance between two points.”
8. One head, clearer thinking, ALL the damn time.
9. We can bleed for 5 days and not die. In fact, come near us and we'll show you how alive we are.
10. Women will always be smarter than men. Not because we know more than men, but because we listen.
12. We get more pleasure--and value--out of shoe shopping than you will ever get staring at tits.
13. Handling a family crisis takes 4 words, "Because I said so."
14. We know that if a man doesn't like a woman with brains, he must be incredibly stupid.
15. Women can say more with a look than most men can in a sermon.
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Max Rivlin-Nadler
drlaura2
Kristina Lakes
mhold
L in the Southeast
Jane Brogan
Salon.com
Comments
Is Isabel Allende the best or what?
And I'm with Stim. Plus, it's free. You also under-rate the convenience of the world-spanning urinal. (Ooh; *that* didn't come out right.)
(And that ultrasound was priceless.)
And the jokes were pretty funny, too.
What??
;)
Okay, I *LOL* at both lists....
Now, I'm going to go to my urinal and then go look at boobs!! Oh my yes!!
Regarding #2 in men, I'm told that they can fake it too.
#9, did you see Borat's ass all over the web yesterday? I think that's changing fast with metrosexuals.
Imho, everything else, is right on, except maybe #11 for women. In an altercation with an ex-wife or girlfriend maybe smarter and stronger weren't the problems, but everything else was.
Skid marks don't come out in the wash.
:)
So, rather than worry about making sure the partner has gotten there before us, all men need to do is toss you a Payless Shoes Gift Card?
Who knew? Life would be so much easier.
I’ll watch the video when I have time.
Women are the creators of human life. How different might the world be, if they had been in charge over the past 2000 years?
As for the lists, well - Women #12, you seriously underestimate the value of ogling. Seriously. And Women #14 - Well, brains are ok as long as she has a kick-ass set of knockers too. ;-D
As for the ultrasound - hey, it's a toy we have to take with us EVERYWHERE, so WHY NOT PLAY WITH IT?
Just saying.
Rated for truthiness.
I figured if I had to work with someone on a lengthy shoots, they should look good from behind, to please me. I'm an Ass Woman. Always have been. The first time I saw Matthew McConaughey's ass (in Mississippi Burning), I stood up and shouted "Who is that man?" I think I may have even touched the screen. This is a true story. His ass made me leap from my seat...and want his very badly.
The costume designer must have been a woman because those pants fit so well, so well...sigh.
Gosh, and Sophia Loren's quote...I could write a tome on that. So true. So simple and so effin' true. People freak out on aging without realizing so much of it is in their hands. They act like a victim to it. Very disturbing to me.
Douglas, I promise you, all women envy the concept of all-the-time outdoor plumbing.
Emma, you inspired me to write this. I'm glad it worked.
Peter (and Lea), I stand by Women #11 ... I didn't say "younger" or "prettier," which is more individualized. Smarter and stronger are traits we ADMIRE, they hardly ever threaten us. All joking aside, if women don't feel that way, it's time they did.
Tink and Mrs Michaels, thank you for making me laugh.
Mary, thanks, somebody has to do it and I guess it was my turn again.
Roger, you got that right.
Catnlion, jeez, OVERSHARE.
Yo Gwool, Payless Shoes Gift Card tossed at any woman will be aimed right back at your throat. Not that we don't shop there, but it's hardly a Romantic gift, you Caveman.
Spin Doctor, AshKW, Zuma ... AMEN.
Bill, the Allende video is worth watching. So is the one linked under the ultrasound... ;)
Sandra, glad you weren't offended, you're my bellweather for these. I loved that line too.
B1, you were just as handsome then as now.
2) a female who does above with a male can often (not always) expect him to work himself to death in order to experience more of the same with said female, even if she is faking it.
3) a female is assured of being accepted as a member of her sex in good standing when she begins to menstrate. For the male, "initiation" is a far more complex, and often life threatening proceedure whether it is institutionalized or not.
4) A woman's status can be derived from many sources, her family, motherhood, her work, maybe even the man in her life. If a male, however, refuses to compete or cannot, more than likely, he is considered a loser, and better figure out how to make those child support payments regardless.
Beth, I'm an ass gal too. Can't wait for your post about Sophia's quote, aging, et al.
deepcleav, glad you enjoyed.
Ben, so serious and not a single "fuck"? You okay?
You're cooler because men have decided that you're cooler. We're "the deciders". (Heh.)
Hey, Ms. Swift. Do not make me come over there and drag you by the hair. My comment was in reaction to your statement a good pair of shoes was for more pleasurable than a garden variety endorphin release while in the midst of making the beast with two backs.
Reread Ben Sen's post with particular attention to the content in numeral heading number 2.
Truer words have never been spoken. Even Cro Magnons get this.
And really? As I guy do you expect me to know shoe stores? Payless was all I could imagine given I know Thom McCann is out of business.
Good idea, a little shoe therapy may be just what i need.
OES, not so fast. Explain why Women #11 is false. It's not the case for me or anybody I know.
MTN, you SO get how to get a woman. Did you comment with one hand? heh
Gwool, I most certainly did NOT say "a good pair of shoes was for more pleasurable than a garden variety endorphin release..." I said don't, "underestimate the powerfully orgasmic feeling of finding the perfect pair of shoes" Drag me away, babe, as long as you got the goods and a couple pairs of Manolos. (Ha, like I'd ever pay $1200 for shoes...)
Indie, tell me you'd pay that much? Oh, the humanity!
Oh, Gwoolio, btw, you were right, Ben was being quite profound. Ben, my apologies.
A guy can be happy with a faded old T-shirt and jeans -- and one of those three pair of shoes you mentioned. But if it weren't for women's desire to be cool, the fashion world would be out of business tomorrow.
Damn, Gwool! That comment alone made me want to get naked and clean the kitchen floor, again, LOL An all consuming total body orgasm beats shoes any day, Hell what am I saying?, I'd take sex over ANYTHING! (even food)
But then I'm the perfect husband, haven't you read? :-D
RATED
Rated
Tom, you say, "I can -- reluctantly -- go along with most of this, but no way does this apply to women: We don't care if we're cool." Oh how wrong you are. We really don't care if we're COOL, we care if we're HOT.
flw, megaditto! Sex beats shoes in a landslide.
Miko, I know, when Gwool or Man Talk Now or Tom go all caveman on me, I melt into a hot puddle. And most of the time I'm barefoot anyway. Down, Lonnie!!
Blue, you are the perfect husband! How'd you do in utero?
Mrs. Michaels, you will never need permission from me to tell a joke. Please, I gotta hear it.
I never seen men be so petty or unprofessional.
With the Catholic wife, the jewelry's fake and the orgasms are real.
Did you know that I discovered OS thanks to Isabel Allende?: in her latest novel, she mentions she likes writer Ann Lamott... Ann is not known in Argentina so I started looking up info about her on the net, read about her, discovered she had written for "something" called Salon (unknown in Argentina too). Once there I happened to click on Open Salon and I read a post by someone called "SeattleK8". I was so moved with her writing that I wanted to leave a message for her, but I needed to log in. I did so and that´s how my OS adventure began!
I love the video you posted, and I really recommend TED, (www.ted.org) where Isabel Allende´s gave her talk.
Kisses and thanks!
Marcela
Marcela, what a GREAT story! I sent it on to Joan, Kerry and Thomas to let them know the amazing way you found us. We are all SO glad you did! You should post about it... oh, a meme: "How did you find OS?"
Thank you for the reference. I fear few have dared tread where you and I have and know what we do. It's just as well they sleep.
Sally, here's a nice fat FUCK just for you.
Unfortunately, Margaret Thatcher and Golda Meier, among others, aren't exactly major proof of this.
Ben Sen typed: " If a male, however, refuses to compete or cannot, more than likely, he is considered a loser, and better figure out how to make those child support payments regardless."
Well, yes and no.
I raised my son myself from the tme he was seven and ran into the career track ceiling over and over: when I refused to promies more than 50 hours a week to a company in a job interview, the supervisor to be—with a picture of his wife and children on his desk likely putting the lie to his words—said, "Well, you have to make sacrifices for your career." I told him any sacrifices I made woul favor my son over a job.
But I never had to make child support payments (nor did I receive any).
LadyMiko, though, had the most profound comment: " I'd take sex over ANYTHING! (even food)"