My father and little me, in the brief before. Father's Day during my childhood was celebrated not with love but irony. Life with Father was a living nightmare. He was a bi-polar self-medicating, angry, abusive drunk. Hallmark doesn't make cards for those. My mother and her father. Similar pose, opposite affect. All love, no sex. Every time I look at those shots of 15 year old Miley and her father, I gag. And I want to know, where was her Daddy while Miley was getting topless and being wrapped in a sheet for her solo shots? Excuse me, a 15-year-old in a sheet? Would you pose like that with your father? Or your daughter? Would he sit like that with you, on or off camera? Would you allow --no, encourage-- half-naked pictures of your teenage daughter to be flashed all over the media? But few fathers would willingly contribute to, much less allow publication of photos appearing to celebrate Daddy's Little Ho. No matter how innocent Billy and Miley's real father-daughter relationship, take it from me, the Vanity Fair shoot and those pictures affected her. And will stay with her. Not in a good way. There are worse fathers than Billy Ray Cyrus. Mine was one. Maybe yours too. We read about horrible ones every day. Still, Billy Ray is the father of a girl with enormous reach and powerful influence on impressionable young minds. Including her own. He should know better, want better for her than sexploitation. He should definitely know better than to participate in it himself. That's the lesson here. Father's Day is supposed to celebrate love and respect. Hard to give it to Dad if he never gave it to you. 
From every generation, fathers have come in all emotional sizes, well-meaning and mean-spirited, helpful and hopeless, decent and decayed, good and bad. They are all products of their own childhoods, good and bad. It's a mystery how some overcome while so many others wreak havoc on the next generation.
A well-known, contemporary father and daughter.
"It's Father's Day, Daddy. I'm going to wear this card all day, just for you." Inside: "Hands Off! I'm Your DAUGHTER."
If only. Suggestive innuendo was a favorite method of communication. Outright bawdiness another. A wink, a glance, a tap on budding breasts, a pinch, a slow pat on a soft bottom.
Drop-kick the boxers across the room, then stand naked and check for reaction. 'Take off your bathing suit, you have a sunburn. Here, I'll rub on some Noxema.'
Yeah, you're squirming. Imagine how it felt to be the object of such attention. Picture a little girl, desperate for Daddy's love and approval, unwittingly provoking more of the same. An innocent pawn, a child, manipulated into participating in twisted adult behavior.
Cue the Vanity Fair pictures of Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus.
No, I am NOT accusing Billy Ray Cyrus of child molestation. But what he sanctioned, what he did, came perilously close to abuse. 
Annie Leibovitz or not, those photos aren't art, they are exploitation posing as edginess. Some things are just simply wrong ... especially photos of a teenage girl in overtly intimate photos with her father.
No. Of course not. But you're not a washed up country singer with a next generation gold mine in your hip pocket. Which you keep waay too close to your Achy-Breaky Heart.
Miley Cyrus is a young girl in a business that creates, then chews up over-exposed teen sexpots and spits them out directly into drug rehab. In her early teens she might have had a chance to grow up undamaged.
Now it's most likely too late.
Instead of protecting her, Miley's parents sold her to the highest bidder --Vanity Fair-- and Dad joined the fun!
I was skeeved out by the Billy-Miley images. Not because I'm a prude. Not because of my past. Because those father-daughter photos were deliberately sexualized. And because Vanity Fair, Disney and Miley's parents chose to showcase them in that context.
Sex sells. Controversy sells. But. The message tells ... all teenage Miley wannabe's in various stages of blossoming sexuality it's cool to act super sexy. Even with your father. Especially with your father. WRONG.
Of course fathers hug and kiss their daughters in complete innocence; many such loving acts are caught in countless family photos. 
Look at that picture. And the others from Vanity Fair. Does that say normal teen or normal father-daughter to you? Yeesh.
And by the way, did anybody bother to read the Vanity Fair article? Even it's author is skeeved out by the Cyrus clan and taken aback by Miley's creepy child-woman maturity.
You have to wonder about Mom and Dad's judgement beyond the photos when you learn Miley's favorite TV show at 14 and 15 was "Sex and the City."
And, she told Vanity Fair, she tried to make Hannah Montana into a SATC teen homage. Not the sex, she assured us, just the friendships.
Blech. Really. Blech.
I'm a certified Baby Boomer (we invented open sexuality, remember). But I draw the line at a 15-year-old watching a show portraying adults discussing intimate details of their sex lives and engaging in soft core porn.
Neither Miley nor any other teenager can understand or process the complexities of adult sexuality and relationships -- nor should they.
One wonders, did Mom watch SATC with her? Did Dad? What father would be comfortable with that? Only a bad one.
Our son grew up in an open, accepting home with all questions welcomed and answered. And with plenty of hugs and kisses. But he and I wouldn't be comfortable sitting in front of the TV together watching graphic sex scenes, much less posing as if we were in one.
Not because there's anything wrong with sex. He was taught the value of sexual intimacy. But we also taught him the equally important value of privacy, personal space and appropriate boundaries.
There's a line mothers and sons just don't cross. That line is even more defined for fathers and daughters.
Our son's also mature enough at 26 to find sexualized pictures of a 15-year-old disturbing, not sexy. Especially those with her father.
His response to the photos: They look like posters for a 'Bad Touch' ad. I couldn't agree more.
Parents should educate their children about sex, but not by Show and Tell.
Teen sexuality is so out of whack in this country already. The Billy-Miley Cyrus pictures just make the issue more glaringly real. And sad. Especially when child abuse is equally rampant.
I am not at all objective on this topic. But even if my own experience colors my distaste for the Cyrus behavior, it's with good reason. This was flaunted in public, posed and directed by a crowd of adults. Far too suggestive of the real evil that hides in shadows.
As for my bad father, here's the real bad story, you can decide for yourself ... Fear.
And for those who think show biz parents aren't often bad influences on their kids: I've Seen Britney's Spears
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and his photos of nude children. We know better now - or we should.
Nothing else to add, Sally, except sorry for the queasy-making incidents of your childhood.
Rated for connecting.
"But we also taught him the equally important value of privacy, personal space and appropriate boundaries."
EXACTLY! I see so many people confuse the idea of celebrating sexuality with appropriate boundaries and good guidance. Teaching an adolescent about sexuality is a process and one that takes time and care. They need protection from themselves and others, and only truth and boundaries can conquer that.
I don't hear prude here - I reasonable, sane guidance. Thank you for that.
r~
snarky, what's implied can be just as damaging in a different way.
dog, glad to have you with me. As always.
sixty, those queasy-making incidents were nothing compared to my bad father's day post already written, linked at the end. Billy Ray's a paragon compared to that.
jane, you are so on target. Girls "claiming their sexuality" is idiotic, as you say so well "...rather than claiming anything, they are reducing themselves to their body parts." And will have no clue how to relate when adults.
aka, thank you a LOT. Not only for complimenting my post, but for using a baseball metaphor.
Sparking, thank you too, we are definitely in sync here. (sorry, don't get me started on "boy bands")
John, I know you know.
koshersal, it really bothers me when people who have the widest stage, and thus the greatest opportunity, use their celebrity with such wanton disregard for their audiences.
Two Thumbs, that's the point. How could a father hurt Any child, but especially his own.
happygolucky, yep, that's also the point. Those are not father-daughter poses.
Zinnia, those photos came out almost 2 years ago and most of the outrage was over people being outraged. Can you imagine such twisted reasoning? Art is art and we all know porn, soft core or hard core, when we see it.
Spud, what I just said to Zinnia. All this time and I never could get those photos out of my head. Sure, I have my own reasons, but really, just on their own, Blech.
To me, teen sexuality is a more complicated issue. I do find the way girls are exposed to sexual material and how they tend to dress and behave fairly shocking. But then I realize that for most of human history, girls were married and having kids starting in their early teens. So to say a 15 or 16 year old girl shouldn't be sexual....well, sez who? Especially now that she can do so with access to birth control and not have to get married or pregnant, but can just enjoy herself. As you and others note, the troubling part is wondering how much is their choice and how much they enjoy themselves vs. meeting some cultural pressure. But that can be difficult to judge.
I also think kids like Miley who start working in childhood or teens grow up faster. Whether that's good or bad is for them to say -- later in life when they can assess how it affected them. You don't mention that she's already living with a boyfriend although she's not yet 18 -- so she's not only working but living a basically adult life. And even non-famous kids can "emancipate" themselves from their parents and live as adults as young as 16, if a judge decides they're capable of that. Happens all the time.
My point being...there's no set schedule for kids to become adults, even though legally the line is drawn at 18. Some kids aren't capable of adult behavior deep into their 20's. Others start businesses and have serious relationships in their teens. I think you have to take it on an individual basis.
it's sickening. but it's money. and not chump change either. we're talking A LOT OF MONEY here. does anyone care that the women I listed above have no talent, yet they appear endlessly on television, tv shows, have major brand recognition? no. no one cares.
what does this mean? to be honest, I don't know. I think this trend is about throwing away women. but that's nothing new. at least she's making big money as she hits the trash. it doesn't matter what age they are, they're toss away items, like that tissue next to her at the bottom of the can. they are used/abused/sold, they make a shitload of money and we don't really care about them probably because they don't care about themselves except as a marketable item.
I guess we're the romantics here because this is a consumer society and these women are selling something for a price that they might not otherwise earn for anything else they might offer. what does kim kardashian offer the world? or miley cyrus for that matter? they are high priced porn stars. it's a job.
And every child (inner or otherwise) will eventually have to sell themselves to the exploitation of work and success to some degree. Innocence isn't just about sex.
I had never seen those photos because I guess I keep my head in the sand not buying those magazines but you are right on the money. "Miley Cyrus is a young girl in a business that creates, then chews up over-exposed teen sexpots and spits them out directly into drug rehab..." it totally sanctioned as you say and sexualized.
With respect, I will read your Fear post (later) because I know I will need some emotional reinforcement. I'm feeling kind of spent, right now but thankful for the honesty that I have read in these posts today.
Brilliant post. Two things. I think we should call Billy Ray exactly what he is. He is not Miley's father. He is her pimp. I'd be curious as to whether he is acting as her agent--if he is, then the money she is making is going partially to him. I wonder what Miley's mother thinks about all of this? Does she not see that her daughter is being sold as a commodity and not as the actress/singer she is supposed to be? What kind of message does that send to a young woman about her worth as a human being? I keep wondering when we're going to start seeing the articles about the Olsen twins being "washed up" now that they're all of 23? 24? Not sure. But increasingly, it's OLD.
I do agree with Silkstone, though, too. I'm not advocating that young girls sexualize themselves, but I do think 18 is arbitrary. Some young women are more mature than others, and I think that the best thing a parent can do (as you so obviously do well, Sally) is to keep the lines of communication open. That way, if your son or daughter does want to become sexual before 18, you can at least talk to them about it.
I don't think the Cyruses are talking to their daughter about sex. In fact, I find myself wondering if they haven't told her (as Britney Spears was told) that selling herself as a sex object was fine as long as she wasn't actually "doing" it. Remember that Britney claimed to be a virgin into her 20s?
It's all so fucked up.
The best resource for young men and women is supposed to be their parents, but what do you do if it's your parents who are pimping you out to the world so they can collect their pound of your flesh?
I often wonder about the role that sexual artist put out there constantly and just watch the ripples of child sexual abuse that trickel down each and every day in disgust, hundereds upon thousands of little girls and boys that are mis-handled by grand-parents, both male and female. It is really absurd as well, since most people refuse to speak who are associated to these people, the children that exist, through the courts, and social workers, we have made the popularization of child pornography acceptable. It is provocative to certain types of males, usually those with any type of pulse will pick up on the innuendo the quiet poses, the subtle stare, the same things I guess that sexually stimulate regular people. Right?
Everyone blossoms at different ages and and everyone can handle responsibility at different ages. For some, it never happens. And most people can't go onstage and quietly sing a ballad they wrote for their grandfather. There's a lot of jealousy in this post and comment thread and I say that not even being a fan.
I also think Billy Ray is in awe of his daughter and overwhelmed by her, making him look silly. But as I read all the Father's days posts around here, he's really very mild in comparison to them - and to the monster who was in my house as well. Get a grip.
Clearly her father has chosen to manage rather than parent.
Where is the other parent in all of this?
I must be naive.
Silkstone, maybe I wasn't clear, maybe you're taking it a step further than I. When Miley becomes sexual or has sex is of no interest to me, but it should be on her own schedule, not forced by her parents and handlers. And, one hopes, she should have some solid information. Encouraging her to ACT sexy for public consumption crosses the line. I don't think these show-biz kids grow up faster, they just Look like they have. Almost all of them make bad, self-destructive decisions as adults because, I believe anyway, they were given no real boundaries.
Foolish, at the end of the day, I feel very sorry for Miley, for all of them. Childhood, and especially adolescence is hard enough without the towering pressure of the public eye.
ladyslipper, thank you. I too am sorry for anyone who's been powerless and abused, especially by the very ones who should have been protecting them. That's the ultimate betrayal.
noah, for sure EZ money is a big lure and yes, we all end up "selling ourselves" for salaries and promotions. Not quite the same when it's done TO a kid BY her parents.
Scarlett, please don't read the Fear post if you're not feeling strong, it's too much. On the other hand, there's validation there too.
rwnutjob, a little harsh, but believe me a thought I've entertained.
Lorraine, I'm not suggesting anybody pick an arbitrary age kids can dress sexy or have sex. I'm just saying that Mom and Dad shouldn't be the ones making that decision for their kids, especially helping a 15-yr old to "fake it." Pimp is just the right word.
sweetfeet, thank you, creepy and wrong seem to be the operative words.
momsacomic, everyone has sexual feelings, even children, even parents, even some parents toward their children. Children naively act out those feelings as fantasies, which is perfectly okay, part of the learning and growing process. It only goes badly wrong when adults act on their fantasies, abandoning impulse control and decency and abusing their enormous power.
Harry, seriously? You are accusing ME of jealousy about Billy and Miley? Holy crap. He's nothing compared to the monster who lived in my childhood. But he's promoting the same idea. I should get a grip? Please, go away.
Gigabiting, the mother, Tish, is on board the Miley train as well.
Stellaa, what you see is interesting and probably true. What the photographs are Meant to show and do connote to all of us without your sharp eye is what bothers me.
Sad, so sad.
Or picture Cyrus lounging in the exact position with the same expression on his face, but instead of Miley he is holding YOUR fifteen year old daughter's hand and his other hand resting a few inches from her hip.
Sally - thank you for this post. It is very disturbing at many levels, but there are some disturbing things that need to be exposed.
Get A Life.
I did not realize it but I was being abuse from the begining of the relationship. Long story. I ended up being abused physically and mentally.
Burgess Dillard
There are so many creepy show biz parents willing to turn out their little girls for a buck it is disgraceful. From that horrible Lohan woman partying in bars with her alchoholic daughter, trying to appropriate the the kid's celebrity for her own, to Joe Simpson pointing out "those double d's" on his unwitting daughter, they are just repulsive. Do not even get me started on the Spears tribe.
So sorry you had to experience that. I have some idea of what you went through ,and I agree with you - just NO on what is happening here with these Cyruses. I personally saw Miley on tv a few times and found her uninteresting. But, she's some Billion dollar product now, and I guess that kind of fortune blinds people to what is right or wrong.
To me this really raises the bigger issue for which sadly their probably is no solution: how our culture continues to look for "wisdom" in youth, when wisdom, by definition, is the whole point of growing old. How does it accomplish anything for David Letterman to ask Miley if she thinks she is missing out on her youth? She's too young to understand even what youth really means. In the same way she can do her best Madonna impersonation when she performs, but does anyone really think she understands anything about sex? Love? Men?
hell, he thought her lapdance with the 40-something yr old was alright, all in good, clean fun. ha ha. right.
but, for starters, i think we need to stop looking at singers, movie stars, athletes etc as role models for our kids or ourselves. society labels people like these heroes for what? because they go to rehab or catch a ball?
i don't think using common sense regarding pics such as these and finding them less than palatable is engaging in a witch hunt against innocent parents who are affectionate with their children. a line is being crossed or they wouldn't even have been published.
i am sorry for your own experiences with your father, sally. i am glad you were able to overcome them to be the woman you are today with a healthy attitude to raising your own son. it never ceases to amaze me what the human psyche is able to overcome.
I subscribe to Vanity Fair and blew off the article - I wasn't a fan of Billy Ray Cyrus, why would I care about his offspring? And it was kind of .... wtf? Other than the VF photoshoot and the parent involved, I have never heard Miley Cyrus's music or seen her perform. Does she have talent? Or is she just eye-candy?
No, posts like these make me realize what a rock star my dad was compared to most. He wasn't always there when I needed him, but he sure did try.
I am sorry for your trauma. As a rape and abuse survivor, I'm at least happy to say that neither occurred at my father's hands.
i read 'fear' and get where you're coming from, now-fearless sally. it's good for all of us that people like you speak out and tell the truth.
You often hear parents claim that kids are exposed to so much more than we were at their age. True, but exposure doesn't replace experience, or understanding or the ability to make good choices and exercise wise judgment. I feel we are a good two generations deep into extremely poor parenting. It seems that more and more parents don't teach their kids from their own experiences.
Instead they educating them and making them safe and protected in the world they let advertisers and corporations raise their kids and mold their values and ethics and hope their kid will figure it out; much like tossing a kid in open water to teach them to swim.
In a day where kids don't believe that having someones genitals in the back of their mouth is having sex with that person, I'd say something is out of whack.
In this case, instead of protecting his daughter, Billy Ray is escorting his daughter to her exploiters and saying this is what I value and you should too. Those poses are revolting. R
Rated for truth and honesty.
PS I'm a boomer too but caught on during that time that 'free love' was just another way to say, 'drop your drawers, darlin'.
It's not a picture of Miley and her mom, now is it?
Stop your witch hunt against people you really know nothing about
where there have not even been any Leagle complaints or accusations.
Turn around, open your eyes and look whats going on right
under your own noses, in your own community, your own family,
your own home.
Its not miley I feel sorry for, its your kids.
your so busy demonizing strangers that you have no time to see whats going on at home.
What i see in the pics of miley and her dad is a dad who will
listen to his daughter any time she comes to him with any thing.
I see a daughter who knows she can go to her dad at any time and
tell him any thing without fear and knows he will listen and take care
of the situation.
Do your kids have that? I doubt it.
Before attempting to remove the splinter from your brothers eye, first
remove the beam from your own eye.
Billy ray and Miley.
It took 5 people to hold him back when he found out I was molested.
I knew I could tell him any thing and he would take care of it.
People like you said he was a Bad Dad and I was taken away from him.
They put me in a home with more people like you who closed their
eyes and turnd their backs to what was going on right under their noses because they didnt want the scandle or the problems, but they never hesitated to accuse others that they knew nothing about and had never
met.
Well, while they turned their backs, closed their eyes, and accused strangers I was being brutaly molested for three and a half years right
under their noses.
When I finaly got the courage to tell what was going on, the people I lived with accused me of likeing it and wanting it. they were angry because I told someone else instead of them.( whats it mater who is told as long as someone is told)
Child wealfare didnt even investigate or pursue the molester because he claimed he was seeking help on his own.(one month later he come back with another child in tow, every one knew what was going on and true to form, closed their eyes and turned their backs)
they did however force me to go to a counselor of the same sex as the person who molested me who just sat there and stared at me without talking, that realy helps a kid whos been molested, NOT.
In church I was no longer allowed to light the candles, collect the tithe, pass the bread or wine much less partake of the bread and wine, or even sing in the quire because I was now to their way of thinking dirty, unclean, unacceptable.(hold on here, I am the victim why am I being Punished)
It didnt take very long after I told what happened for them to let me go back home to my Bad Dad because they needed to keep this quiet, cover it up, keep it from getting out. the best way to do that was send me home and hope that would make me happy enough that I would forget it, guess what I havnt forgot.
But unlike you I have not let it turn me bitter and cause me to go after otheres for imaginary crimes.
I forgave each and every one of them, including the molester.
we now have a somewhat decent relationship.( though I am very particular who does or does not get near my daughter without my presence)
I listen to my daughter no mater what or when, she knows she can tell me any thing at any time and she does.
I concern my self with making a difference right where I am, I dont need to go witch hunting for some stranger clear across the country.
I am content just making sure my daughter dont ever have to experience what I did.
For some perspective, in my senior year in high school I had a married classmate. She had been married 2 years when I knew her. She was a very stable person, from the country (Some Dakota, as I recall,) not a partier. Her husband was in his 20's. No kids, never pregnant. It was 1966-67.
I couldn't go back and read "Fear." I remember some nobility from the first time I read it, mostly fear though and my stomach told me not to click. You do communicate, Sally.
So glad not to have kids in these days.
To those who agree with me, thank you for seeing what I see. I'd add that my almost 12-year-old niece (Karen's daughter) and her friends who used to worship Miley told me this week, starting with "Eww" they think she looks slutty and "not like a nice girl." At least she's not a bad influence on Them, I can only hope other tweens see the same things we see.
Thank you from my heart to all who offered personal messages of support. Even healed and whole, it still means a lot. Karen, sorry about the dog, and we will meet, I just feel it.
If you've been through any kind of abuse, you have my support and please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. My plate's a little full, but I can offer an understanding ear, some suggestions or just the knowledge you're Not alone.
To those who disagree, who call those pictures completely innocent, that's your right but I think you misunderstand my point, and the bigger picture. Again: I'm not claiming they *tried* to look sexy, I'm saying a father allowed himself to be photographed deliberately in that way with his own daughter, allowed that 15-yr-old daughter to be shot topless wrapped in a sheet, NOT in an angry teen pose but a blatantly sexy one... and then allowed the photos to be published. That's just wrong, no matter how you spin it.
To those who disagree by attacking me, I will let your own comments speak for themselves.
A tough topic, but it's a tough world and too many of our kids are being raised to worship celebrity at the expense of their own self esteem. Taylor Swift is no relation but she seems much more grounded and versed in age-appropriate behavior than Miley. But who knows, this culture worships youth often at young people's expense.
I'm equally inspired by the stories of survival that often accompany these stories, including yours!
I commented "Nope! Don't see anything but a Dad and her admittedly precocious teenaged daughter hanging out!
I must be naive."
When I should have said oh yes, you are so wiser than I, and
Nope! Don't see anything but a Dad and his admittedly precocious teenaged daughter hanging out! I must be naive.
I hope everyone including the Cyruses have a wonderful Father's Day.
Sorry you had a bad one.
While Sally gives them free publicity, hence the term "Publicity Photos" any lights coming on there Sal?
You're an asshole for posting this so close to Father's Day.
My kids and I will celebrate it tomorrow despite your crass, bigoted article.
We know you're screwed up, so perhaps that's your rationale for being such a jerk.
PJ
I disagree with the artical too, and My comments yesterday got a little out of line.
When I realized what I had wrote I appologized to sally but still hold to my own oppinion.
What you wrote is totaly out of line.
You have the right to disagree, even sally will tell you that her self.
What you do not have the right to do is to speek that way to any one.
Very bad example for your children.
If anyone would like to see how I feel about Good Fathers, it's right here... today's post for Father's Day.