I grew up in an ultra Liberal home. We were taught early and often the importance of equality and tolerance for all. No racial or religious slurs or jokes allowed, we were raised Enlightened, accepting of all creeds, cultures, beliefs. And to be what was called at the time "color blind."
That's the kind of adult I became. I worked, played, still live the Rainbow Lifestyle. It's reflected in my circle of friends and family, my politics and solid record of hard work for equal rights, anti-discrimination, anti-bigotry, pro-choice, pro-LGBT rights. I'm proud to be a lifelong, dedicated Liberal.
And yet. Here's my ugly little secret: I profile.
If you're honest you'll admit you do too.
Pro or Con?
I profile everybody from scummy Snookie and the venal Housewives to that doofus Weiner. Politicians, ball players, celebrities, all fair game, sure. But strangers on the bus, cab drivers and the guy who runs the 7-11? Hazy logic. And yet it's become reflexive.
Which is so counter-intuitive to the me I've always been. I walk the Liberal walk. Work for Liberal causes. Talk the Liberal talk. Put my money where my mouth is. And all the while, I now realize, I'm profiling.
I think many of my newly acquired assumptions based on people's looks, speech, behavior, and sometimes ethnicity, are coming from today's cold, hard realities. At least I hope that's the case.
We've all developed profiling criteria in response to the overkill of bad news, wars, bombings, scandals, despicable acts by those in powerful positions. We can't be unaffected by the endless river of disgusting data about so much deplorable behavior.
So, Liberal as I feel, it's hard not to recoil, prejudge, form unsavory impressions and thus profile the people, groups or countries behaving badly.
In many cases, I'm not far off the mark. But there are times I have been so wrong it's downright inexcusable.
It makes me cringe, but I'm going to tell you a true story about my Worst. Profiling. Fail. Ever.
The Power of Suggestion
I'm not proud of this story, but I fear too many of us have similar ones -- especially since 9/11. What's that old joke? A Conservative is a former Liberal who's been mugged.
Our country was mugged on 9/11 and has been hammered by threats and actual attacks met with apparent ineptitude in many ways by our leaders. Which doesn't excuse my profiling, especially in this case.
In fact it's become my personal Object Lesson: No matter how much you believe you're a bona fide Liberal, life in the 21st Century can make your hidden prejudices jump up and bite you on the ass. You've got to face them down. And stand up even more firmly for what you know is right.
Case in point:
The Passenger
About five years ago I was flying home from visiting my parents in Florida. Something about terrorism was in the news. Everyone was on edge. As usual I'd upgraded to First Class with my frequent flier miles. (Go ahead, profile me).
I usually meet interesting people when I travel. Hoping for a lively conversationalist, I settled in with anticipation to see who'd take the empty seat next to me.
Just as the doors were about to close, I found out...
And got an ugly glimpse into my own worse self.
A swarthy, unshaven man with dark rumpled hair, wearing baggy jeans and a loose white shirt appliqued with a huge multi-colored dragon stowed a battered briefcase and sat down. The epitome of a character from the TSA Watch List.
He nodded, barely looking at me and opened a magazine with pictures of nail guns, screwdrivers, large hammers, power tools.
The Profile
Whoa! How'd he get on the plane -- and in First Class?? He was the last to board so they must have searched him. I hope they were thorough. What if they weren't? Plus, I bet he smells. (A casual sniff dispelled that concern).
Don't be so quick to judge me. Our crack TSA teams don't always inspire confidence, certainly didn't five years ago. And this guy looked seriously creepy. What would you think?
I shrunk into my aisle seat and buried myself in my book. The man soon fell asleep, head against the window, and I began to relax.
The Proof?
About a half hour before landing, his body suddenly began jerking, his hands turned inward, his mouth moving with no sound.
Drugs, I thought immediately. Or a diversion. I bolted to the galley for help. Flight attendants came to observe him. Some passengers began to notice. Murmurs of alarm moved through the cabin.
A flight attendant sat in my seat and touched the man lightly on the arm. "Sir, sir! Are you all right?" she said quietly, "Do you need help?"
One final jerk, then his eyes opened. He blinked, looked around and smiled sheepishly, clearly embarrassed.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "I have a condition called narcolepsy. Often when I fall asleep it's difficult to wake up. But I'm okay now."
I sat back down and asked if there was anything I could do. "No, thank you," he said with quiet dignity. "And you don't have to worry. I'm a doctor so I know I'm fine. I must have gotten overtired visiting my parents."
I felt like an idiot.
The Professor
We chatted for the remaining half hour. I learned that when his condition made it impossible to practice medicine, he'd become a public health consultant, eventually a deputy Secretary of Health and Human Services under Donna Shalala in the Clinton administration.
We swapped Beltway and Democratic Party stories ... it turns out we had friends in common. We were, of course, both Liberal Democrats. (I'm cringing again now).
He told me he was forced to retire from public service after a heart attack. "I mentor medical students training for public health careers," he said. "Especially in the inner city. And I spend my free time rehabbing an old house in the Art Museum area." The power tool magazine!
"It's great not to wear suits and ties any more," he added. "Now I can indulge my inner Latin with these crazy shirts my mother makes for me."
Latin! I'd assumed Middle Eastern. Mother! Oh brother. Unknowingly he'd held up a big mirror reflecting my flaming inner racist.
Or maybe not so unknowingly. As we shook hands in Baggage Claim he held my gaze a moment and said, "You know, profiling's a way of life now. I don't let it bother me. It protects all of us from the bad guys." Then he smiled and walked away.
One of the really good guys.
It'll be a cold day in hell before I judge another book by its cover without first taking a cold hard read of myself.
Profiling has become more than a way of life, it's turned into a nasty excuse for racism, classism, bigotry, ethnic denigration. And it's a lightening rod for Liberals everywhere.
Except that profiling isn't exclusive to Teabaggers, Right Wingnuts, would-be torturers, TSA, CIA or the FBI. It's done every day. By YOU and ME.
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AJCalhoun
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Comments
I sure met plenty of them.
But we are all on edge these days.
The issue is this: Some of us are also looking out for the next Timothy McVeigh, Hannibal the Cannibal, or homegrown terrorist at the same time that we are looking for the next 911 hijackers. Evil comes in all colors.
Swarthy people might scare White people, but White people might scare Swarthy people even more!
Yeah, but I thought you were a nice person even if you did label me!! PFFFT!! ;D
I still think my wife's boss is a terrorist!! :D
The only issue is when we translate daily discomforts into demeaning, discriminatory public policies.
Rated.
Lezlie
My bad.
I've been racially profiled on the South Side of Chicago, as has another white, male friend of mine whose red hair stuck out like a sore thumb on 53rd Street--cops slowing down beside us and saying "What the hell are you doing in this neighborhood?"
And my favorite is the last remaining acceptable prejudice in America, against "hicks" from the south, midwest, rural areas. I read an article by a Harvard professor who writes a great deal about race and prejudice the other day who defended certain stereotypes, including "all people from the Midwest are hayseeds." I'm thinking of writing him a letter saying--"like Miles Davis? T.S. Eliot? Mark Twain?"
I grieve for the over 3,000 families who lost loved ones on 9/11 but we have to move on.
What makes you a hypocrite isn't your "thoughts" but whether you allow surface imagery/preconceived conceptions to influence your actions in a way that contradicts your official, rhetorical, ideological/philosophical committments.
For example, if you call yourself a liberal, but then burn a cross on somebody's lawn. Or if you deny somebody a job based on race or religion.
Having a preconception and knowing the irrational, illogical basis for it is often the first step in ensuring that it doesn't intrude into your more basic thought processes, such that it can influence your actions, unbeknownst-like/inadvertantly.
In any event, the greatest issue of our day isn't the commission of politically correct thought crimes like the kind you mention above, but the plight of the common man, of the working and laboring classes of this nation who are being pushed into a state of indentured servitude and degredation by our predatory Capitalist overlords.
It doesn't make any difference at all if one hasn't lost their liberal card yet, if their actions tell another story.
I don't see this as a moral conflict, at least initially, rather a separation of our brain specialties. I tend to lead with my id, as I suspect most people do. Our lizard reflexes helped us get through the natural selection screening. The trick is to understand that limbic perception is limited to a simpler set of measurements - those most urgent to our survival wiring - and then to apply reasoning to vet those perceptions. Sounds easier than it is, for me anyway, but the more mistakes I've made - plenty, sad to say - the better I've gotten at it.
Much enjoyed your account.
Rated with hugs
Even the Nazis were liberal—only with each other.
Congratulations, you’ve discovered your inner Nazi— Sieg Heil!
(P.S. Please stay away from me)
Kellylark, I totally agree that wisdom and experience are essential, but still should be tempered by self-awareness.
Xeno, you help make my point. It wasn't one thing about him -- color or grooming or dress-- it was all those and more put together that raised my antenae.
Tink! I was trying to keep your identity secret.
sweet Holly, I had no idea I ever came across as snobby but am so glad you sussed out the real me. Plus, fyi, I Never get privilege right until spellcheck does it for me.
Luminous, thank you. Succinct and to the point. And definitely rings my inner bell of truth.
Lezlie, of course you're right. So much depends on definition and context.
Nick, I love ya, you Liberal Lunk.
Con, I know the Jesse Jackson story and you're so right about "hicks and hayseeds," not to mention "trailer trash." We're so far past that now though, profiling Hispanics and other groups by trying to legislate against them. Ugh.
Lea and Dog, we agree. Thanks for taking me off the hook.
Rwoo59, aka, you and Con made my point far more eloquently than I did. It's actions, not words. Which is something I somehow couldn't bring myself to mention in the story... why didn't *I* tap him gently and ask if he was okay? Still bothers me.
Matt, see my confessed dilemma just above.
Jeanette, Linda, Susie, you're all wise and gracious. We have to learn, move on and hope not to make the same mistake twice. I don't think I have re this issue, but maybe...
Candy, good advice and nice pun, learning from my mistake on a plane and checking my baggage. Oh yeah, First or nuttin honey.
LSD, confirmation from you helps confirm my hope that I still am who I am.
Bob, I agree being cautious does require some "profiling." It's what we do when we learn there's no reason for concern that matters. Thanks for saying that so clearly.
Great piece!
Steve, the only thing about "profiling" for car insurance is that it's more about reality and actuarial tables... young men under 26 have the highest accident rates. Otherwise, we're on the same page.
smithie, I get it. And remember, I was *visiting* the Hamptons, not living there. Who loves ya, baby?
Roger, I am always so humbled by your praise. Your writing just soars, wish I could do that.
Joan, you're a master in the Inner Soar, wish I could do that too. You're so right, we have to challenge ourselves every day.
Damn hot-headed red heads! I mean, wait, no, did I say that out loud?
You judge by experiences. That's normal. That's how we learn. The problem comes when someone innocent bears the consequences. No one did in this case, so relax.
then as liberal gal with daddy issues.
and then as a regular gal.
sorry for the mistakes.
i mean nothing of what i say.
sorry, barely noticed you. who are you?
kidding again.
i am on a campaign to earn art james the title of king for the night
of os. i have conflicted movements and motives.
i am quicksilver. iam not goint to apologize for anything anymore.
i am guiltridden but i shall get it out in wartalk.
boo, afghanistan.
yay ira(q)(n)
ha= my only message
The other day in the hot weather I noticed a black kid on the subway with the outlandishly baggy pants and a hoodie. And I thought "Who in hell would hire him for anything?" We wouldn't, even though we're an organization that sometimes reaches out to the community I pegged him for.
I'm a jumble of thoughts on this topic. Some profiling seems reasonable and accurate. Shortly after 9/11, in the discussion of profiling at the airport, The Economist counter the anti-profiling argument by question why it was better to put Chinese grandmothers through the same procedures as young, Middle Eastern men just to balance the numbers. But there's no doubt that profiling has severe downsides. There are the individual cases like yours in your post, and the effect it has on a larger group. You've given me plenty to think about.
Like your story, though.
What you are displaying is intellectual analysis of the question " why do I react in certain ways.?" People who just react without analyzing their reaction are the ones who are more likely to behave like the stereotypical "bigot".
Well done essay.
I remember sitting in church several years back, my (ex)husband, makes an issue of a young man with dyed blue hair and facial piercings, like he shouldn't be there. I thought, "Wow, he is in church, who cares what he looks like?" He also thought people with tattoos were on the lower end of society. This young man with blue hair and piercings shows up in the Dr's office I was working in a couple of weeks later...turns out he is a Seminary student! As far as the tattoos go....some of KCPDs finest have sleeves of it. : )
I remember sitting in church several years back, my (ex)husband, makes an issue of a young man with dyed blue hair and facial piercings, like he shouldn't be there. I thought, "Wow, he is in church, who cares what he looks like?" He also thought people with tattoos were on the lower end of society. This young man with blue hair and piercings shows up in the Dr's office I was working in a couple of weeks later...turns out he is a Seminary student! As far as the tattoos go....some of KCPDs finest have sleeves of it. : )
I think assumptions are made about Liberals by Republicans and vice versa ; )
Open your eyes. Time is limited on this earth.
As for me, my first thought about the catalog was, "construction" but I expected a rich contractor or developer, not an MD. I go too far in the other direction. Example, I've given my Indian (Native American) neighbors way too many breaks, been way more tolerant of them than I'd have been of equivalent white people in the 12 or so years they've lived next to me because the parents work hard, (I tell myself) they moved here to give their kids a better chance than they'd have in the Indian projects and it's crazy hard to be an Indian in Minneapolis. But I'm telling you this, if that piece of crap they threw into my yard overnight and my dog ate turns out to hurt that dog they are going to find out just how much more voice an old white lady has in our society than any Indian does.
Finally, people's looks, speech, behavior, people control these things so they actually tell you something valid about who and what they are, the positons they take, their behavior. Ethnicity generally doesn't. E.g., I'll not judge my neighbors because they're Indian but I will both judge and take action if they tie up a dog in their back yard and abuse it until it goes insane, no matter what color they are. Ethnicity vs. behavior.
The anxiety over pre-judging and assuming that doing it sometimes is incompatible with some political identity or ethical stance....this is something that I think stems from an ideological belief among some people that racism is a state of being rather than stuff you do or say. That's why people will fight to the death over accusations of racism rather than saying, "oops! I erred on that one! I'm sorry about that." I think that's why people feel "guilty" about issues of race rather than just trying to do the best they can to treat people with respect and take responsibility for any mistakes made.