Breast Feeding Frenzy, Time Mag Jumps the Wrong Shark
Cover of Facebook page Hey, LACMA! Breastfeeding isn't shameful.
"I breast-fed all three of my children, because the milk is free." Michelle Singletary
I wouldn't touch the Time Magazine article on mothers breast feeding older kids with a ten foot pole. For me, it's a simple equation: Amusement parks post signs with measured lines, You Must Be This Tall To Use This Ride. If Junior can reach Mom's breast, the opposite should apply. Step away from the Mothership and go pour your own glass of milk.
But that's just me. Other women can do what they want. Which is the central point. Freedom of choice. Which is getting lost in all the braying over boobs.
Time got the viral coverage it was aiming for, yet especially in light of recent assaults on women's rights to control their own bodies, Time also diverted important attention away from the real issues. Including the absolute right of any woman to breast feed her child.
And, of course, Time managed to further demean the discussion --and women-- by sexualizing it.
What is it about the female breast that turns Americans into horny teenage boys? Granted, female breasts have been idealized objects of sexual attraction since the beginning of time. But breast feeding as soft core porn? Something creepy this way comes...
No other Western culture assigns such over-the-top prurient power to the sight of a woman's breasts, regardless of whether she's sporting a low cut top, twirling tassels or nursing a baby.
HEY LACMA! BREASTFEEDING ISN'T SHAMEFUL.
Time's pandering overshadowed a story at the heart of a serious women's rights violation. Katie Jane Hamilton was nursing her baby in a quiet corner of the LA County Museum of Art last Saturday when a security employee told her, "cover yourself." Why? A complaint. She was making two other museum visitors "uncomfortable." No fool, Hamilton refused and called for a supervisor, noting that public breast feeding is legal in California.
Wait. Let's pause and think about that for a minute. We need laws to legalize breastfeeding?
Let's also remember this incident took place in a museum. Museums display art, which often displays ...wait for it... nudity! Why did those outraged patrons visit the museum at all? Surely they knew they were risking the horrors of breasts and buttocks, even genitalia, displayed in paintings and on sculptures everywhere.
Hortense Breast Feeding Paul, Paul Cezanne
As Katie Hamilton said, 'not that it matters,' she was displaying little more than a baby. A cute baby at that. Not much breast in evidence, less than many women wear on the street. No nipple ... a bizarre line to draw, come to think of it.
A baby can be fed modestly, with no part of mother's breast exposed. Most women prefer it that way. Yet unbelievably, nursing mothers are still scolded on airplanes, playgrounds, restaurants and many other public places for "exposing" their breasts.
Oh, please. If a nursing mother is a turn-on to any kid, his parents should start saving up for lots of therapy. Parents worried about exposing their kids to sexualized images should pay more attention to TV and the Internet.
Look at any Red Carpet event or music video, you'll find more exposed tits and ass than you'd ever see from a mother nursing her child. What's next, banning naked toes? Oh wait, that'll never happen, Tea Partiers wear flip flops.
Whatever she wears on her feet, Katie Hamilton stood her ground and started a Facebook page called "Hey, LACMA! Breastfeeding isn't shameful" where she received a public apology from the LA Museum. Plus, she's got lots of company -- nearly 500 women signed up in one day.
Still, too many Americans, at odds with wildly distorted views of sexuality are embracing a puritanical attitude that is as outlandish as it is outdated. These people need to take a good look at why they have so confused nature/nurture with pornography. The media isn't creating that message, just capitalizing on it.
All those hypocritical, self-righteous Right Wingnut bible thumpers need to remember that nothing is more natural than breast feeding. It's the ultimate reflection of a female's life-giving force. And for many new mothers, breast milk is the only food they can afford to provide.
Bottom line, breast feeding is a mother's personal choice. Mothers who choose the breast are finding themselves in the line of fire from nosey, uptight strangers who could care less about laws covering any choice but their own.
Look under a new mother's bed, you'll likely find a few pacifiers, a stuffed toy or two, maybe some books, definitely dust bunnies.
I'm willing to bet that a peek under the beds of the loudest male opponents of breast feeding will reveal a robust collection of porn.
Whether you are a mother, father, child or adult, I hope you'll agree we can join in saying, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! to each other and all mothers. Without them/us, where would we be?
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Comments
This is so close to the article I was planning out in my head to write after work... even as far as the "get your own glass of milk" line.
To each her own. And I mean that. ~r
I was fortunate to be able to breast feed for 18 months, and it was an amazing part of my life. How sad that so many people don't understand it.
1. my mother, who had 11 babies, referred to breasts as "babies dinner." yes.
2. when i breastfed my boy, the only place i was made to feel uncomfortable was in rural pennsylvania, when i had to sequester myself in a bedroom to feed my child, lest any church-goers get offended.
3. when my baby was brand new, and i hadnt gotten nursing pads yet, the phone guy came to put in new phone lines. he was very cute, and smiled a lot, and i loitered around. when he left, i went upstairs to tell my sister, and she burst out laughing and said, "those washcloths you have stuffed in your bra might have something to do with it." and i look down, and sticking out in ten bulky angles under my tee-shirt, yes, a washcloth in each cup.
And when we stop is a personal choice and up to the individual.
1) at feeding time, if the women doesn't nurse her baby, her breasts are sore and leaky, requiring pads,
2) Many woman only produce enough milk to feed their baby, meaning it's hard to pump extras to take along,
3) if you don't use it, you lose it. If you skip too many feedings, your body may adjust by producing less milk, meaning that soon you don't produce enough to feed your baby and he becomes a formula-fed baby.
4)Nursing takes a good 20-30 minutes. This is why women don't want to sit in the rest room.
5) Pumped milk has to be cold until needed, then body temperature. This means it needs to be in an insulated bag, then warmed.
6) The baby's mouth completely covers the nipple. And if there's a nanosecond flash of nipple between the shirt being lifted and the baby latching on, to see it, you have to be gawking at the mother's breasts in a way you should be ashamed of.
Between the biology and the logistics, public nursing is the only thing that makes sense. I would have said, before I had kids that I'd never breastfeed in public. But rickety chairs in grimy restrooms get old fast.
Please tell me that this is some kind of foul joke of sorts. It is an incredible thing that a mother's milk actually changes to meet the needs of her child. With no physical connection whatsoever... this happens. Maybe there is a non-physical connection that we are unaware of - coincidence? I think NOT. I am curious - does this stop at some point? Is there a particular age at which this no longer occurs and so the idea of providing nourishment for your offspring is no longer warranted? I find myself wondering now...
Our society is sick - dare I say infected?... with evil. But it would make perfect sense then - with regards to a book that is a couple of thousand years of age. The #1 best seller in the history of the world by the way. It was at the time when that apple was bitten into - that our ancestors found that they were naked and they were ashamed. Ashamed of what?... feeding your child the best possible nutrition that they could ever have? Provided from an untainted, unaddicted source of course.
I was jailed once - in a psychiatric ward and even threatened with ECT unless I would volentarily take 'medication' for my 'condition'. To the shock of my friends and family, I had changed overnight - having found... God.
What I also found was that I now "understood". And so, I was misunderstood, and justly punished for it. "Patient claims to have an IQ of 178." According to my military records... I do. Malpractice suit anyone? The principles in that book, with regards to how to live your life healthy AND happy are themelves a gift, and should be required reading prior to any issuing of diplomas. Then when folks screw it up - at least God could say... "I told you so." :)
What I have also come to understand that is in the absence of God's 10 very simple rules - there is little that is civilized or humane about this ball of dirt that we live on. Some of it, yes... but not enough of it.
Nursing a child in public a criminal offense? Who could have imagined that an apple one day would keep sanity away.
~S
Insofar as the Time expo and any additional comments, Americans are way too uptight about what women do with their bodies and their children.
It was a 'Christian' school that I would be ejected from for 'keeping a vow amongst my fellow 2nd graders, by 'not ratting on each other for egging the classroom windows'. I thought it was an awesome display of integrity for a 2nd grader - 40 lbs against 400. I kept my word and didn't lie. I think that is one of the (10) rules.
Ironically - that school is now a Mosque. God's revenge? Who can say? I do believe however that it is your misunderstanding that might lead you to that assumption - hate that word - or globalization of religious people not using common sense - being as we believe in the "Boogyman". I don't have the time to read of this anymore - because Christian or not - it's foolishness. Feed your child - and anybody with problems... get your mind out of the gutter. Word.
Now I see that that's just a pipe dream.
I can understand that some people might feel uncomfortable with seeing a real, live, exposed breast in public, regardless of the reason, as well. I think it's all just a question of everybody trying to live together as harmoniously as possible. If I chose to breastfeed, I would try to do it discreetly, especially in a place like a museum, which might attract people from countries/cultures/belief systems unaccustomed to seeing such a thing. The same way I would expect that anyone in the museum would also behave politely and inoffensively - for example, by not yelling, etc. It's all about mutual respect.
As for the Time Magazine cover, wow. I think it's a fascinating testament to our era, to say the least.
But TIME Magazine really is going down and dirty to sell magazines, from the "Are You Mom Enough?"title to the deliberately provocative image...
The real discussion you'd like to have, the one I'd like to see take place...never gonna happen, except in your fine piece.
Happy Mom's Day, Sally and good to see you writing here.
It amazes me that we need laws to protect breastfeeding yet I see breasts on the cover of many magazines even as I'm simply trying to wait in line at the check out counter. We seem to take issue with breasts being used for the one thing they were designed for, yet have them everywhere as a sexual fetish.
I know my mother nursed me until I was two - and I also know this occurred mostly because I wasn't teething my mother. My older brother got weened, so I hear, about the time he reached 6 months simply because he was using her breasts as a chew toy. I seem to remember the WHO has recommended breastfeeding for two years or longer and I can see why they made this recommendation, especially in countries where food is scare and/or unsanitary. Somewhere, though, there should be a cutoff as to the age where we really shouldn't keep nursing our youngsters. There is a point where it's no longer about bonding or providing nourishment but is rather a fetish - and one that could hamper a child's development depending upon how long this is done. Children can and should be taught how to care for themselves and to not always reach for mommy. If your child still asks you to wipe his bottom even though he can certainly do so for himself, you're failing as a parent. Ditto for the kid who can pour his own milk but expects you to breastfeed him.
The Time Magazine cover, though, isn't about "extreme parenting" or mothers who nurse for longer periods of time. While the article claims the boy in the photo is 3, it's not accidental he looks as though he could be closer to 4 or 5. The woman in the photo is also meant to appear sexy rather than motherly and I have a terrifically hard time believing those breasts are still lactating. Time Magazine chose to push the envelope as far as it could for clicks and ratings rather than have an honest discussion about breast feeding and those parents who might feel it's in the child's best interests to breastfeed for a longer period. Shame on them for doing that. It causes harm to those concerned mothers who want to breastfeed but are afraid of being pushed to the margins - or who have the fear that it will seem like they are using their children for a fetish. Bill Maher once likened breastfeeding to masturbation. This photo only gives him more ammunition.
Nazis and Fascists made many laws allowing the public nursing of "aryan infants" and went out of their way to encourage the same.
Its very interesting, how right wing extremism differs regarding breast feeding, in different places.
I think it has to do with the religious influence in America, though,.
Like I said - scientific proof that the milk of a nursing mother adapts nutritionally to the specific needs of her child. By adding anything in the way of - knowledge - that being of good/evil, we find that we just might be missing out on something.
We know much and at the same time 'nothing' about ourselves as humans. Why do most of us only use 20% of our brains? Why do we age? Why are [some] men fascinated with breasts? Easy. It is an underlying urge (instinct) to have a nutritional hearty meal and plenty of it! Mystery solved.
Maybe it was also instinctual for our parents in raising us to tell us not to.... "play with our food". Now there's something to chew on.
:P
Sarah, I'm guessing even the Puritans breast fed, though I'd guess not in public.
SagCap, I wasn't able to breast feed but the upside was it gave my husband equal bonding time.
Thanks, Matt!!
Harry, the things people choose to care about, and the things they don't... impossible to understand.
janie, love your story of washcloths in your bra! Bonus, you could wipe away any spit up. ;)
asia, we're on the same page.
Deborah, it's amazing the things media will do to grab attention. That cover just totally creeps me out.
Cindy, you said it better than I did! I'll bet breast feeding on the beach wouldn't even be noticed... not enough boob showing.
Marc, you mean Canada isn't part of America? I'm shocked! And aren't you nitpicking, just a teeny bit? Thanks for reading and weighing in, for real.
Linnnn, you said a mouthful. :)
~~~~
I'll be back, have to rest my hands. First full post since my surgery in Dec. Want to thank everybody for reading and having a say. So many old friends, so many new ones.
First: “If Junior can reach Mom's breast, the opposite should apply. Step away from the Mothership and go pour your own glass of milk.” That should be unsaid.
There is nothing shameful, in a sane universe, about a woman breastfeeding her child. But…
Alas, the show of a lady’s bosoms is a hot button issue. It is taboo. Unlike a woman being eviscerated by a predator stalker guy, in a movie.
Don’t worry, we guys got our hurdle to overcome. Our poor little penises cannot be shown either.
I am personally telling all my friends to ignore bible thumpers. I have read the damn thing, and while it is fine poetry, it is not a substitute for serious Girl Talk among modern free women, or Enlightened men. That do unto other shit kinda sticks, tho..
“The media isn't creating that message, just capitalizing on it.”
Well that is what a Free Press is for, as the beloved sex maniac atheist framers intended it.
Not really. Haw.
Ignore the media. The message is the medium, said mcluhan. The medium is the message. Well, media means “going between”..communication…this is not at all infallible. The messenger is key here. Whom do we trust to be messenger in our medium?
Two choices.
1. Priests. Which today is medical drs and those knowing of medical issues
2. Or…each other… a true media, medium.
Following the advice of 1. When it goddamn makes common sense, a much maligned term.
Lezlie
It seems like she's taking a stand with that photo. Good for her.
To all you who seem somewhat adamant about weaning when the teeth come - I had one with 4 teeth at 3 months. Luckily for me, she was the unsuccessful breast feeder (only 1 month) so it wasn't an issue.
At 6 months the second one used her teeth not to retaliate but to hold on while she checked out any little bit of activity in the room. She got weaned right quick. Moved seamlessly to peppery tuna casserole as I recall.
Breast pads, just for fun: none of my kids fit into the newborn pampers sent as samples by the time we got home from the hospital (2-5 days.) I cut them up and used them as breast pads. Sometimes they were the only thing that was absorbent enough.
I do believe thought that anyone who can buy ice cream from a truck is a bit too old to breast feed though. BUT that is just my opinion and not to be thrown on top of someone else's thoughts:)
HUGGGGG
Mommy's RIGHT to do x or not do x????
How about the fucking baby???
Does a baby have a right to be breastfed?
If breastfeeding is that essential, then shouldn't it be mandatory?
A fetus has zero rights. None, nada, nil.
But a baby on the other hand. The baby has rights, right?
It's a slippery slope from the rights of a mommy to the responsibilities of a mommy.
Progressive places like Park Slope institute public shaming when the mommy mafia sees a prepackaged bottle of formula emerge from a bag. They don't put em in stocks. Yet.
But, the rest of the country needs to catch up with the progressive NY mommies, and start actively promoting the long neglected interest of babies. Shameful.
I feel fine with a woman breastfeeding. I admit there have been times I was a bit uncomfortable, but that was, as an adult male, I occasionally found the view -- for me -- a bit of a turn on, and when it's your friend's brother's wife -- awkward. ;)
In and of itself, I so dearly wish that this country's majority would just shake off the shackles of guilt at admiring another human being for the sheer beauty of life that we are. A mother nursing a child something taboo? What Would Mother Mary Do?
I'm betting she'd slip back part of her robe from a shoulder, slide the child in place and let baby Jesus suckle at her breast. What could be more Christian than to revere that instead of fear, loathe and revile it? I am constantly amazed by the strange oxymoronic values some people think everyone else should have and feel about just like them. Surprise, surprise, people are different everywhere you look.
I loved the wry irony with regard to an objection of a mother quietly and unobrtusively feeding her child in a museum of modern art. Wow. I loved the poesy of her getting an apology by not backing down. She's my hero just for that.
--r--
If you know me, you know that to be true. And you know I occasionally stumble, as we all do. My interpretation of the phrase "bible thumpers" is that of intolerant zealots who pound on the bible to incite fear and compliance, "this is the ONLY way." That's obviously not a representation of good Christian values ... or of Jewish, Muslim, Quaker or any true religious values and beliefs.
So I was referring to the fanatical wing of the Far Right and all those who use religion and the bible as an excuse to denigrate and subjugate women and to further their own intolerant agendas.
Reasonable, rational people know the difference between breast feeding and pornography. I am offended by anyone who suggests they're the same or who uses fanatical religion as a club to prevent women from fulfilling such a natural g-d given act.
Thank you all for your thoughtful, passionate comments. Clearly this is a topic that raises hackles. I don't want it sidestracked by religious debate because I inadvertently used an inflammatory phrase. I'd much prefer it to engender not only discussion but IDEAS to increase support for all personal rights and freedoms.
I did encounter mothers who really did not want breastfeeding to end, and they encouraged their children to continue on the same schedule as when they were babies. They don't introduce a cup. And, there are some children who do not follow the common path and wish to continue on...
What's normal for one family isn't necessarily normal for another...but when my children weaned themselves, we were BOTH ready!
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