I used to sing professionally, but I don't think I've ever really SUNG.

Not all out.

 All out means not being afraid of your own voice.

 I've been terrified of mine since kids bullied me when I was a little girl. They put their jealousy where their mouths were, and it hurt. Up until that I hadn't been afraid to sing. After that, I had terrible stage fright, until I moved from Atlanta  to Kentucky in the late seventies.

 Then I thought a wonderfully sensible thought: "No one knows me here. Let's start again."

 And I started singing with a lot less fear.

 But I never sang full out and completely fearless. I might disturb the neighbors. I might disturb my family. God knows the dogs might bark. I always pulled back.

I came back to Atlanta without the stage fright.

I started singing professionally in 1989. Then, I sang with people I needed to pull back for, so we could blend. It was wonderful at times; I had some good partnerships along the way, for a little while. But I always wanted to go farther than any of them did, and it was frustrating, on all sides. The partnerships broke up.

 I felt so burned I stopped singing. Maybe once, twice a year I'd open my mouth. Never at home, never for myself. I shared old recordings with people, and that was it. Has been, for the past few years. I mean truly Has Been. I didn't want to sing.

 Then Susan Boyle came along and her inspiration got me riled up. Why had I stopped singing? Why bury a voice away where it can't be heard?

 But I was still afraid to disturb the neighbors. Or my own fears of being hurt again. Take your pick.

 Now I've moved to a new place, back in Kentucky, and I have finally thought another sensible thought: "Let's start again."

I live alone in a house that is far enough away from other houses to not seem to disturb anyone if the music is very loud. So today I started singing, full out, for the first time.

 It's rough. Lots of stamina to build. Diction to rediscover. Words to memorize. New freedom to explore. But I sang full out and did not terrify the child playing on the sidewalk in my full view.

 I sang full out and did not die.

 What was I ever terrified of?

What all this singing full out will do, we'll discover later.

 This is what I used to do. It's an old Scottish song, I do celtic music. No, the words are supposed to be that hard to understand! Just listen...the band was called An Drasda (it means The Now in Gaelic)