NOVEMBER 23, 2008 1:55AM

Tom Swifties

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 tomswift

My father as a boy in the 1920’s read a series of not-very-good science fiction adventures for young lads featuring the exploits of Tom Swift.  This was a series done by the Stratemeyer syndicate that also produced the better-known Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew series.  In this series, the young scientist hero, Tom Swift, underwent adventures involving rocket ships, ray-guns and other things he had invented.  You can read all about the books at:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swift

A type of pun, called Tom Swifties, developed based on the writing style of the books.  For more information about Tom Swifties see:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Swifties

My father enjoyed telling and hearing Tom Swifties the rest of his life and few family gatherings were free from the compulsory round of Tom Swifty punning. 

Here follow a quick dozen of some my personal favorites. 

 “I wonder what Freud would make of that?” asked Tom dreamily. 

“I like bells,” Tom intoned.

“Fresh coffee anyone?” Tom asked perkily. 

“Not so loud,” Tom said quietly. 

“Drop that gun!” Tom said disarmingly. 

“What beautiful evergreen trees,” Tom opined. 

“Lets make some hamburger,” Tom chuckled. 

“Nice shoulders,” Tom shrugged. 

“What a lightning storm!” Tom thundered. 

“Let’s go help out at the soup kitchen,” Tom volunteered. 

“I love making baskets!” Tom said craftily. 

“I like generic goods.” Tom said. 

 

“Out of curiosity, did any of you grow up with Tom Swifties in the house? “ Tom asked openly in the salon.   

 

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"No," she said absently.
My parents were too down-to-earth to have a lot of modern science fiction in the house [he said mundanely]. Whenever I could find an old-fashioned sci-fi space adventure, though, I'd pick it up [he said airheadedly]. Lots of fun.

But I don't think I learned about Tom Swifties until I was an adult [he said maturely].
Do you still have the books? And do you know how many were in the series?
Here are some of my favotites ... usually they ran to more complex puns in my house --

"All I do on camping sleeps is sleep," he said intently
"I love pancakes," he said surrupticiously.
"Where have all the flowering weeds gone this year?" he said lacadaisically.
And my all time favorite --
"Take the prisoner downstairs," he said condescendingly.
Ugh -- "camping trips," obviously. How to wreck a perfectly good joke ...
"The Hardy Boys were my bread and butter," he said heartily. He quickly added "I'm afraid I was unaware of Swift or the Swifties."
These are wonderful - thanks for sharing! The "Condescendingly" entry is my new favorite.

I believe that the original series had 40 volumes, and that there are a couple of newer series as well. Alas, none of the original volumes are in my possession, he said emptyhandedly.
"I dropped my toothpaste!" Tom said crestfallenly.
"I ate too much pineapple," Tom said dolefully.
"We're having pheasant for Thanksgiving." Tom said gamely.
"You forgot to open the chimney flue!" Tom bellowed.
Addictive, aren't they? Thanks for the further good submissions - I think this will give me some new material for the family gathering this Thanksgiving - particularly if there's pineapple in the fruit salad. And someone is bound to mention the turkey, giving me the opening for the "gamely" option.
"I had to redo my OS blog on fencing" was Tom's repost
"Addictive, to be sure," Tom cracked.
sanjuro, you are causing my precious brain cycles to be wasted! This morning...

"Please don't arrive early," Tom said belatedly.

"I bought this in the duty free shop," Tom declared.
And one more:

"Are gay bars always so crowded?" asked Tom manfully.
Rob, that was a good one!

"What does pay-per-view mean exactly?" Tom asked.
Thanks for the great Tom Swifties! Rob's last one reminds me of a number of adult-themed Tom Swifties - the subject of another post perhaps.
"My scuba gear isn't working," Tom said breathlessly.
"I quit," Tom said resignedly.
"I'm trying to catch up," Tom said hurriedly.
"That's my name," Tom said swiftly.
"Can you see my tonsils?" asked Tom openly.

(I just made these up, aren't you proud of me?)