"There are a flock of turkeys in your backyard."
This was the first observation I made to my fiancée on the morning after arriving at his family home in Arkansas for Thanksgiving. We'd been together for four months and it was the first time I would meet his parents.
"Those aren't turkeys, that's Hugh," his sister informed me from across the breakfast table.
"Hugh?" I said. "They are all named Hugh?"
"No," she replied, with obvious scorn. "They are THE Hugh. Named for the Borg collective on Star Trek?"
The 'duh,' while not audible, hung in the air, but I still didn't know what the hell she was talking about.That was how all of that first visit went.
Apparently, the turkeys were actually a flock of guinea hen, kept on the 10 acre property to eat the tics so they wouldn't attack the seven dogs they owned. That's right SEVEN dogs.
They are dumb as nails (the hens not the dogs) and travel in a pack -- hence the collective moniker. His father, it would turn out, was an avid Star Trek fan. Of course the dogs, not understanding the point of the Hugh, periodically attack and kill them, forcing his mother to stock up on new hens every few months.
It was foreboding. I see that now. However, at the time, the guinea hen confusion was the least of my problems. I had already realized my future in-laws were not as anxious to meet me as I was them, and I was trying to figure out how I would survive the next three days.
When I had arrived the night before, eager to get to know the people who had raised the man I loved, I was met with alarming indifference. There were no hugs, no sharing of baby pictures. Just a shouted hello from his mother and a gesture to set my things over there and help myself to a drink.In the one intimate conversation I did have with his parents that night, his father over a third glass of Bordeaux pulled me aside and whispered: "I'm afraid you are going to drive a wedge between me and my son that will destroy our relationship forever."
Then he suggested I go to grad school so I would have "something to fall back on."
Ahh, memories.
We went back there for Thanksgiving for seven more years, and each year I tried, with poignant toasts and compelling conversations, to win them over. But I never did.
On the seventh year, when over Thanksgiving dinner his father asked me what it was I did for a living anyway, I knew I had been a fool. They were never going to welcome me to their family. They would never love me like a daughter or even treat me with respect, and that's when I stopped trying to win their love.
Now we host Thanksgiving in our own home. There is no Hugh, there are no dogs, and there are no snarky comments about my career and my marriage. And for that I give thanks every year.
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Colleen Ludgate
Kerry Lauerman
Joan Walsh
Salon.com
Comments
Are you and your man happy, despite the cool in-laws? I hope so. Like you, our family will be celebrating Thanksgiving at home by ourselves. We will have a second out-of-state get together with my sister (OS blogger The Wood Elf) and her children on Saturday at her new home, which we're looking forward to.
I've written about hosting our Sunni Muslim neighbors for Thanksgiving last year. If you're interested, you can check it out on my blog.
On another subject, you can be part of OS history by having your profile photo/image included in a poster we are working on. Anyone can participate and I'd love to have you be part of it if you think you'd enjoy that. If you're interested in being on the poster and other merchandise, check out Skeptic Turtle's post about it here:
Open Call: OS Avatar Collage -- version 2.0
Paws up (rated).
But I'm really sorry that you were given a bad impression of the noble guinea fowl. The family are the ones who are dumb as nails not the birds. They could have avoided having to replenish their flock by disciplining their dogs and providing a safe place for the birds to roost at night.
Guinea fowl evolved on the plains of South Africa where they have prospered despite being hunted by predators more ferocious and cunning than Arkansas hound dogs. If you want to see them in action visit the National Geographic webcam that live-streams from a preserve in Botswana. Of course, you'll see elephants, lions, and crocodiles among many other species but the guineas are my personal favorite.
Guinea fowl were commonly kept on farms in this country before the prevalence of chemical pesticides. Now that we have learned the errors of our toxic ways many people are going green and getting guineas. They are entertaining birds who respond to kindness (and white millet) and can be as tame as a pet parakeet if raised that way. On my property "Guineas Rule" and all my cats and dogs know it. And if they don't they learn soon enough when a mama has keets to care for.
Be well.