Duane Gundrum

Duane Gundrum
Grand Rapids, Michigan,
February 12
Writer, professor (did his Phd work in political science and holds another graduate degree in communication), former computer game designer, previously a counterintelligence agent, and currently an all around strange person. Author of 13 novels of all different types. Lives a life that is sadly in the shadow of a room full of stuffed animals who have a lot more Facebook friends than he does. Writes a lot of humor, even if his mommy is the only one who says he's funny. Also the creator of the comic strip, The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Legospaceman. *********************************** My first book, Innocent Until Proven Guilty, is now on Amazon in the Kindle store. See the link as part of my links below. *********************************** If you're interested in my science fiction novel, Thompson's Bounty, the link for it is at the bottom of my profile, under Professional Writing. The link is for the Kindle version, but the paperback version is also available on Amazon. ************************************ My blog can now be subscribed to on Amazon. See my links below. ************************************ If you want to friend me on facebook, feel free to send me an invite to www.facebook.com/duane.gundrum ********************************* For twitter, follow me at DuaneGundrum.

MARCH 20, 2012 2:59PM

Struggling to Find a Purpose

Rate: 5 Flag

Well, after the whole losing a crown on my tooth thing and the identity theft incident, I’m now back at work and moving forward into another day. It sucks that there are thieves out there who will steal you blind (just because they can), and it sucks that random health concerns can really mess with your day. But really, what can you do about it other than just get through it and move onto another day?

Which brings me to another day. And realizing that, I’m back to the same quandary in that I really don’t know what to do with my “other” day now that I’m there. My life still sucks. And I really don’t have anything to look forward to, other than more days of dealing with the fact that there are more sucky days after this one.

My life isn’t bad. Or horrible. I mean, I don’t live in an environment where evil, brutal masters are flogging me on a daily basis while I work in the salt mines. My biggest dilemma on a daily basis is deciding between paper and plastic, and I’ve sort of solved that by buying reusable Meiers bags that I bring to the supermarket with me. Basically, my day consists of figuring out whether a colon, a semi-colon or a gerund phrase are used correctly. And even then, who really cares?

The real dilemma is that I don’t have a purpose. Nothing I do really matters. No one cares. Oh sure, someone might throw a fit if a memo doesn’t go to the correct audience, or another person might somehow come unglued if the wrong font was used to explain an osteometric procedure. But in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter. No lives will be saved, made better or worse, or otherwise seriously inconvenienced.

And personally, besides not having a purpose, I don’t have really anything going on in my life. And I’m not under-exaggerating here. There’s NOTHING going on. My writing career is not a career. It’s not even a glorified hobby these days. I have no girlfriend, mistress, or flirting affair with the girl down the hall who thinks I’m somewhat okay but would rather date anyone but me. I don’t even have that. I don’t party. I don’t even have a drug problem, which ironically might be something to bide the time as people who do drugs at least have something to occupy their time.

I sometimes think I grew up during the wrong period in US history. The amount of technology we have today has made interaction with other people almost inconsistent or nonexistent. Sometimes, I think it would be really fascinating to just up and walk off, wandering the lands as a Kwei Chang Caine or Jack Kerouac, starting over at practically every “Welcome to….” city sign. It’s like there’s a whole world out there to experience, and I’m sitting at home playing Star Wars: The Old Republic.

Years back, I kept thinking I was going to be changing the world. Then I learned that’s not likely to happen. The world doesn’t want to change. And you know, I’m sort of fine with that. However, perhaps it’s time to change me, and being what I am really kind of sucks.

Whatever I’m doing right now certainly isn’t working.

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Remember the episode of Seinfeld where everything George thought he would normally do, he did the opposite. His life wasn't working for him, and by reversing the course it got better. Sometimes you just have to go for it!!!
What about becoming a "Big Brother"?
You might not be able to change the world but you might be able to change the world of one kid.
whenever I feel like you describe here, I try to think of Victor Frankyl and his thesis that the meaning of life is the search for meaning....

and that generally people find meaning either in work, in love, or in surviving the stuff that the world throws at them....oddly enough it's the third thing that people say they most admire when it comes to observing the lives of others....

you've had a couple of tough things thrown your way, maybe give yourself credit for weathering it and use this feeling to strike out for something different. maybe a new creative project? maybe new human connections? surely there are always people somewhere...even if in friendship only...who you can get to know....

it's intriguing the way that it's ultimately the tension between meaning and meaningless that creates an existential quest...that keeps us seeking.....

good luck!
Excuse me, Doc-tuh, but I have to wonder if you are over analyzing a little. I was recently roped into volunteering to help at a kick off rally for Catherine Vogel, who is running for State Attorney. It involved balloons, so not too draining. It was a blast, and since I do support her, I felt good for the (tiny) effort. Go forth, man, and enjoy the trip!
heavy stuff man, as usual! maybe try antidepressants aka Happy Pills. hell, it works for millions. or sort of works anyway. or try just writing some replies to other people on other blogs. :p
ps as for mistresses and wild 3somes, Im still working on that myself midlife :p
ps you are at least overachieving and at the top of the list as Most Depressing Blog. so others can gawk at it kinda like a car wreck. dont laugh. its a kind of perverse way of "counting ones blessings" but for many, its real.
ps I know what you mean about wanting to change the world, and the world not wanting to be changed. wow! how true! story of middle age. reminds me of steve jobs who said, "lets put a dent in the universe". but sometimes it feels the universe is made out of titanium. it does sound like maybe you should go travelling to get out of the funk. its possible to travel on a pretty low budget. give it a shot.
ps the way you never respond to comments on here ever, I find bordering on a bit rude. heck I cant even tell if you read your own blog. I wonder if you just have some automated feed set up from some other blog & dont even read here any more. lost in your universe. haha. it would be amusing & apt.
I find a lot of value in my music groups.

I don't know if that is a thing you would want to do. What makes it owrk for me is it is somenting I do with some other people. We have to do it as a group (no one plays quartets alone), and I don't have to be really good at this. Rather, my skills and those of the otheres in a group should be well matched.

I hope you can find something that works as well for you. Some play midnight hockey, some play clarinet, some play scrabble or chess in libraries. People do these things all over.

Yes, I do read the comments. I don't often comment to the comments, mainly because I really don't have much to say.