Conversations in my mind

....and occasional leakage into print


California, USA
February 26
I had a blog on 360 (yahoo)..then moved to Multiply when they crashed and burned. Now am dabbling in Facebook. None of it is really what I want. Still working on a Bio--work in progress. Me, not the description.

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MARCH 26, 2011 10:37AM

Three funerals and a birth certificate..from the closet

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It's early Saturday morning, no one is awake, and my  mind is doing its usual sifting of my life.  Right now I am wondering what the sudden organizational  urgency was yesterday. I have been in this house 12 years, and the same bags of old photos and clippings and who knew what else have been piled on the back shelf in my closet  for all that time. They were bothering no one.

Yesterday, however, they received their eviction notice.   I pulled my recycle bin into the walk-in closet and started tossing.  I did not do this indiscriminantly.  I did know there are important papers in there, but they need to  go somewhere else. They need to be somewhere where, once I am  gone, someone can find them without  a backhoe.

Bag by bag, the closet shelf itself  emerged. Then the bags were emptied. It's amazing what I once thought I could not bear to throw away.  I saved a few photos which I intend to scan and store digitally. Then they go too.

There were a few things I will keep a while longer. My high school and college diplomas will go into my "memorabilia" suitcase. Don't ask, I have no idea why.

I found my birth certificate.  I found two death certificates, one for each parent. There were newspaper clippings and an obituary notice for someone I once loved very much .  I thought that I might try a future writing on his life story. I kept those.

There was a letter from  my mother that brought tears to my eyes.  There was a thank you note from one of my former students, crediting me with turning her life around and setting her on a new path.

I found photos of long dead friends. I saved a few, most got tossed.  How many different angles does someone need to be photographed from?

Is anyone writing a history of the Viet Nam war? I have all of my father's polaroids from his 3 years there. Some are pretty gruesome. I can tell you this. John Kerry did not lie. I hold the proof.  It seems irreverent to throw these away, but I don't want them, either. Any suggestions?

There were Time Magazines from 1986. One had an article on Chernobyl, another was covering the  bombing of Tripoli.  Hmmm.  There is some interesting timing, I have to say.

Someone asked what  other "dream jobs" might I have chosen. History. I never appreciated history in school, so I had a lot of catching up to do once I discovered its worth.  Those magazine articles are now history.  I was disappointed that  my "Women in History" post  didn't  get a better reading. Not because I did such a good job writing, because all I did was report.  I want those women to keep their place in history. I was glad to learn there is now a book. They should not fade into obscurity.

I don't know what the job would be. Museum curator maybe.  Travel writer..visiting the historical sites.  Wouldn't that be everyone's dream job?  I kept the magazines.

In any case, I got a lot accomplished yesterday.  There is much more. I have an overflowing file cabinet erupting with outdated junk. It's going to go.

I have to update my will.

I have to clean up my computer files.

Again I wonder....why? Well, the will makes sense.  That should always be up to date. As to the rest, I wonder if, as is the theory, my higher self, my higher consciousness knows something I have not been made aware of yet.  It's happened to me before.  I've learned not to go against it. Still, it would be nice to have a clue.


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Oh, and another historical note..Canada's Prime Minister got a no confidence vote yesterday--for lack of budget transparency. He is trying to push through the same type of legislation as some of our "domino" states are trying here'. He'll be replaced in an election in May. It seems to be epicemic. *sigh*
I hope it isn't a knowledge that you are "going" anywhere soon.
Harper is an ass.. Its time to go. At least we kick our people out..
Not the first time either..
I was going to do a blog about a "BF" in Vietnam this week. if you ever do one I can send you a few paragraphs.
rated with hugs
@ Ya never know, P.
@Linda..that's what I understand. Sounds like exactly the plan being pushed in Wisconsin, Ohio, NJ..etc. Well, we have recall.
No, I won't be doing anything on Viet Nam. I'm sure if the government knew I have these pictures they'd be at my door.
Satori1, when you get done,would you be interested in going through my collection of years gone by? You seem to have a pretty good handle on what to keep and what to chuck!
I too wonder sometimes if I am being led along a path. I had a very dear friend who feverishly carved all his friends a totem of different animals. Mine is a beautiful elephant and shortly after he finished them, mine being last he was in a car wreck and died.
Not to say this is your why just saying I understand completely why you wonder it.
I think we will have you around here with us a very very long time.
Perhaps it's about reaching "a"certain age" that makes us all clean up our pasts so there will be less evidence of our hidden lives for the unfortunate one who is charged with task of disposing of our "stuff". I know when I turned 60 I realized I could see the finish line from there and then a year later, my mothere died and I had to sort through the sad bits of her life that she saved for whatever reason. Then, the unthinkable happened and my 18 year old daughter died in a car accident . I still cannot go through her things. Instead I am making an attempt to purge my closets and drawers and junk boxes so that no one will have to do it for me. Maybe after I gain some momentum Iwill have what it takes to sort through my girl's treasures . Life is short; how do we accumulate so much meaningless stuff and lose what really matters?.
@OOL..just last year I was unable to toss anything. I think it's just a matter of what layers you are ready to shed. See--I would have no trouble tossing ALL of your stuff!!☺
@Lunchlady--yes, I have seen instances like that as well. But--we have no control, so I'm here til I'm gone.
@Kendra's mom. I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe that's it. I just turned 60. And there isn't anyone to go thru my stuff. I'm the last in the line. Any cousins would just burn or toss everything. So I don't know why..maybe there is still something left to be done with--or learned from--the things I chose out to keep.