I've SHRUNK!! Almost 2 inches!! I used to be just short of  5'6". It's what I put on every form, it's what's on my driver's license. And now--it's a lie!!!

 

And apparently, it's official, since it was recorded as part of my hospital record!!

 

Those of us who work in health care often --uh--defer--the "annual" checkup that most people are encouraged to get. We do lunchroom blood pressure checks, we do the yearly employee TB screening, we do hallway consults if we need prescriptions for  something. No going and sitting in an office. No, not us. We have a colleague draw blood and sneak it onto the tray bound for the lab. We do walk-in mammography on the occasions we can't avoid it--not by appointment, but by--"hey, you have time to squeeze me in?". 

 (Yes, pun intended.)

 Now, I say often. Not always. But by and large, I have usually managed to avoid having to schedule and keep routine appointments, and it has been rare that I've had a full "physical" all in one sitting.

 But I retired. That all changes when you retire. Suddenly there is no lunchroom, no hallway to consult in, no "I happened to be down here in the department, you have time to  check me out?" Nope. Now it's find the phone number of the appointment center, play phone tag, get a date, circle the parking structure twice, wait while the soothing office music tries to compete with the squirrely kid next to you in the waiting room. Off with the clothes, on with the Jonny gown, on with the questions and the poking and prodding.  Then it's fasting blood work, take a number in the lab, hold the cotton ball while the tape is applied, and on to Xray.  Time for a bone scan. Family history of osteoporosis , last scan showed borderline results..so under the scanner. 

 

 I felt like a document on  my HP flatbed.

 At least I got to keep my clothes on. Hell, at least I’ve GOT health care. A perq of retiring from an HMO.  But still….

 The scan results : positive for osteoporosis. Fine. As goes the mother--and her mother...so will go the daughter. 

 But the shocking result--the simple height measurement. Again--did I mention--I've shrunk almost 2 inches!! That only happens when you're OLD!!!

 I want a lawyer!