I read of Representative Steve King's tirade against President Obama and ACORN today with great interest. I was, you might say, inspired. Here's what I learned:

Fascinating! What this means, by the way, is that Steve King is a lame, lying drug dealer.

Confused?

King was a member of the Alpha Lambda Kappa fraternity while a student at Northwest Missouri State University. (Motto: Truth And The Word). Alpha Lambda Kappa, a nationwide fraternity for Christian men. To become a member of this rich brotherhood, one must accept the Fraternity Creed, which includes the pledge, "I accept membership in Alpha Kappa Lambda as affiliation that is binding for life." (It also requires members to pledge to "respect the opinion of others," so there is some ground here to argue that King isn't exactly keeping his promises).

So, having joined this lifelong brotherhood -- and King has said some of his brothers have helped him during his recent campaigns -- and having achieved such a measure of success that he's considered one of their notable alumni, we can assume, using King Logic, that he's their defacto leader and responsible for all of their actions, good and bad.

The good news? They seem to do some philanthropic work for causes like sexual abuse prevention and Cystic Fibrosis fund-raising.

The bad news? They're a fraternity. And fraternities, no matter what their lofty goals for membership might be, are only as strong as their weakest, beer-soaked brethren. In this case, those guys probably live at Washington State University, where last year their AKL chapter lost all recognition. Why? The Conduct Board found [PDF] that AKL was selling drugs out of their house, giving beer to minors, lying to university officials, and had -- oops! -- forgotten to have an in-house resident assistant. This ruling was later appealed to, and upheld by, the Court of Appeals in Washington.

They've had other issues, too -- hazing charges in Missouri and Indiana, for instance.

Now, AKL itself has taken some steps to improve the situation. It revoked the charter of a chapter at Central Missouri State University after they threw a Martin Luther King Jr. Day party where members wore baggy pants and do-rags and ate fried chicken as a "tribute." But I assume that, still following King Logic, that's not enough. Internal efforts of a group to improve itself are not enough to wipe away the bad actions of a few of its affiliated members, right? The whole place must be painted with the same evil brush. I've been listening.

So I assume that Mr. King had full knowledge of all of AKL's bad behavior and that he not only supports it but encourages it, since he's the Head of All Things He's Ever Been Even Briefly Invovled In, just like President Obama.

I, like the rest of the country, await his response and apology.