Orbital Matters

Saturn Smith
Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 18, 2010 3:19PM

Dick Cheney: Best Zombie Ever

Rate: 31 Flag

There's apparently a faction that wants to Draft Cheney for the 2012 election:

Chris Barron, organizer of "Draft Cheney," emails this morning that he's organizing a write-in vote for the former Vice President at the CPAC straw poll.

“We urge the grassroots conservatives who will be attending CPAC to join us in sending a powerful message about the future of our party, by writing in the name of the only person with the experience and conservative credentials necessary to lead our party in 2012 – write in Dick Cheney,” Barron says.

I admit, my first reaction was something like this: OH HOLY GOD IT NEVER DIES, IT CAN'T BE KILLED, IT WILL EAT ALL OUR BRAINS, THE CRAZY, THE CRAZY, THE CRAAAAAAAZY. But I calmed down, took a venti non-fat chai latte (it's like liberal prozac), and now I'm thinking, you know, this is brilliant. Where do I sign up?

Hang with me. Dick Cheney 2012. What could possibly be more lovely? It would be the trial of the century. The 2008 election was supposed to be a referendum on George W. Bush's policies, but that never really panned; since then, I know I've been thirsting for an Obama-Bush showdown. But let's face it, as satisfying as watching Obama grind W. into the intellectual ground would be in the abstract, actually sitting through it would be embarrassing after the first five minutes. It'd still be the equivalent of a 12th grader challenging a Kindgartener to an Algebra duel. Not really fair.

Dick Cheney, though, is an evil genius. Almost no liberal disputes either part of that description. Sure, he's evil -- and he's recently admitted this quite bluntly, in his "yup, I cheerlead for waterboarding" admission of torture guilt -- but he's also pretty darn diabolical about it. Think about it: He didn't break the law; he hired lawyers to make the law mean something different. That takes some brains. Evil brains, sure, but brains nonetheless.

And those are brains that want to be president. Those are brains, certainly, that can't be happy sitting on the sidelines, watching Sarah Palin -- not a particularly tasty brain -- lead a group of hapless tea-bag zombies on a march toward the White House. Cheney's brains can't be satisfied with the legacy that his former boss seems set on establishing: one where, for instance, Scooter Libby didn't get the complete pardon Cheney wanted.

It's certainly obvious the man wants to defend his legacy. Why else would he be hitting the talk show circuit? Why else would his daughter have become deputized into full-time Cheney Protective Duties, duties that have required such mental gymnastics that brains everywhere have recoiled in shock and awe? The goal here must be beyond preservation. The goal, I think, is to be drafted.

And I am all for it. The only thing in the last 2 years that has united the Democratic party is despising Dick Cheney. That shudder I feel when I see his face on television? I know that every liberal, every progressive, every moderate -- every one of us is feeling that. You see Dick Cheney, then you see Barack Obama, and you sigh with relief. Don't you? Heck, this is why I love Joe Biden so much -- for what he's not.

So hooray, Mr. Barron, and hooray, CPAC. Please, please draft Dick Cheney into the 2012 race. Make him your front-runner now. Send him out to scowl and menace crowds in support of your congressional candidates in 2010. Please put him up on more talk shows to discuss the "failures" of an administration that's just nabbed two more senior Afghan Taliban leaders. Please hold court with every journalist in the land and discuss the current economic crisis and debt crisis and the wisdom of the Bush tax cuts.

I can't wait.

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You know....you have a point, there. It might be the only way to finally drive a stake through his undead heart.
And this is my only goal, Shiral.
Cheney shoots people.
Dick Cheney is many things, but stupid is not one of them. It's highly unlikely he'd run in 2012. He's been President already.
This will be a good show and a sure sinker for the Republican ticket. Trouble is most Reps know this.
I've been saying it ever since Obama won.

"2012, Obama v. Cheney. Bang, two-term Democratic president."
Holy g-d it never dies....yup. However if you go hunting and accidently shoot it in the face............
He's not a zombie, he's just a very very cranky old man, with a digestion condition probably. Nothing says fascist like a case of the runs. Goebbels had the shits for the whole damn war. Cleared right up soon after though.
Think pure thoughts Jenn. War criminal accepts Presidential nod.
He is too old for starters, and cannot handle his weapons properly, and never took responsibility for that.
As to the waterboarding, it is not the same thing as drawing and quartering someone, to be fair, although the Army didn't want to do it for good reason, namely, that once you do that, you lose your ability to complain about other people doing it, even though prisoners of war always get "roughed up" somewhat it would seem like as a factual matter, up to and including summary execution, because you can't just turn off the killing with a light switch.
Having said that, taking people into custody and in cold blood pouring water into their mouth to induce the fear of drowning did result in the execution of Japanese officers after WWII, and is not something that should have been allowed to go very far, if at all.
To be fair to CIA and Cheney, to a point, after 9/11, even someone who is no fan, Ahmed Rashid, Descent into Chaos, does point out that because of the gravity of the intelligence failure on 9/11, and that was a massive strategic intelligence failure, if more understandable than sometimes they get credit for, then, the natural overcorrection was to panic and become concerned, especially given the anthrax and what was known at that point, that there would be a nuclear of chemical attack to make 9/11 seem like a fire cracker. When that fear is in the air, and it was, although that was a mistake, then bad things will be done to make sure that more bad things don't happen, even though that plays into the hands of those doing it, which is their game.
Then again, the American people are spoiled from not, like Moscow, having been burned to the ground in 1812 and almost 1941, just like Beijing was burned to the ground in 1839 and in the 1930's too, which makes us overreact.
Good idea. I thought it was fascinating that Cheney was the first VP in god-knows-how-long to not get nominated for president--and NO ONE EVEN TALKED ABOUT IT! He really didn't seem to be someone that anyone wanted in the Oval Office. Think about the august company he joined: Spiro Agnew, Dan Quayle...
He'll be about the same age that McCain was in 2008. I'd love to see him run... but I think that it's Romney's to lose.
I give W credit for only one smart thing and that he did before he took office. By picking the Anti-Christ as his VP, he guaranteed no one would even think about assassinating him.

I don't think there's much chance of Darth and Dippy hooking up on a ticket, though -- It would be too hard to fit Mephistopheles and Bride of Frankenstein on a bumpersticker.
My Kingdom for a Dick Cheney as Zombie graphic.
The "Telling Dick Cheney to Shut the Hell Up" page at Facebook now has over 250,000 fans.
Saturn, google image search, I'm sur I've seen dozens
Chenay is evil.

He is also very ill.

I do not wish on him more ill health.

However, should the stress of a presidential run do him in then he signed up for that.

He already was president for at least four years. Apparently Bush developed a spine much too late during the second presidency and said, "Go away" so he could listen to other advisors. I am convinced that Bush now lives in a very quiet peaceful place from which he emerges at times to either golf or hang out with Bill Clinton who sees someone crushed by the pressure that almost did him in and says "there but for the Grace of God . . . "

Scary scary man that Cheney.
Because he'll crash and burn? Because he's slightly less appealing than Dr. Evil?
No f'ing way. Even "conservatives" (some of them) have souls. They may kiss his ass right now, but they will ban together with silver stakes and crucifix' in hand come 2012. We can always hope though. Cheney/Palin, Palin/Cheney, a comedian's wet dream...
if dick cheney got an artificial heart, it would be.....
an upgrade.
GOP in 2012 - Send in the clowns!

Cheney, Santorum, Palin ... The fun will never end.
I'm afraid my musings on Cheney include more . . . violent thoughts.
Cheney vs Obama. The rhetoric is different, but the policies are pretty much the same.
The question clearly becomes: Who CAN the republicans put forth? While we would like to think that American citizens are better than this, the simple truth is that there is a huge swath of the American electorate that is simply STUPID, or WILLFULLY IGNORANT.

I recently read an article in which the author hoped that Palin would run and WIN the presidency because it would wake up Americans to finally decide what kind of nation we WANT to be. I thought 8 years of Bush/Cheney pretty much settled that question.

And if there was any doubt, consider the debacle masquerading as debate about something masquerading as healthcare in America in 2009 and now.
I'm a lifelong Democrat. A few years ago, Ross Heckmann took the position of president of California Democrats For Life. He offered me the position of Vice President.

I said I'd accept it, but only under the condition that I would not have to be compared to Dan Quayle!

Ross gave me the position, saying, "Now you have something in common with Dick Cheney."

Dan Quayle versus Dick Cheney?

As Tom Petty sings, "I can't decide which is worse..." !
So what are you saying, Dick Cheney would do things differently than Barack Obama? I thought it's already been established that politicians make laws for men behind closed doors, who remain in power from one election to the next. Cheney would sooner star in a George Romero movie than get elected President. I don't see how he would even survive 2016, though the posibility he's the walking dead is real.
As someone who closely resembles and who is often mistaken for Dick Cheney, I respectfully believe we should all thank our lucky stars we had someone like Dick Cheney in The White House to provide the requisite gravitas to George W. Bush who may not have always been the brightest light bulb in the room, but who certainly wasn't the dimmest light bulb either.
I will admit: I did not read the post.

The title pissed me off. I was trying to figure out how to stop Palin.

I will have my better 90% call Cheney and have him shoot me in the face if he gets elected.
Unfortunately, Americans are truly stupid enough to put Cheney in office.

What I mean is that the propaganda war has raged for so many decades now that there are enough voters unable to understand something as simple as 'cause and effect', and who truly believe bombing the world into submission is the nation's only hope.
How about a Dick Cheney/Tor Johnson ticket? They could call it Plan12. ;)
My only hope vis-a-vis Cheney: that he doesn't shoot someone else in the face!
i try and i try and i just cannot understand humankind. well, U will all kill Urselves off soon enough.
Be careful what you wish for.
Well, this would be a sure-fire way to get me to give my vote to a third party candidate. I'm sure not going to give it to Obama.
No wonder they're saying the world might end in 2012, especially if people are seriously considering Dick Cheney as a serious presidential contender.
While the Vice may seem like a toon, he is a dangerous guy who seems help-bent on doing as much damage as he can to the Obama Admin-just because. Cute that Faux news has his daughter interview him last week.
I cant think of a more disctructive former VP-ever. He will continue to bang on boogyman politics until he keels over. Sad state of affairs, but he can't handle having lost his juice.
Then, the Bush admin was simply about maintaining power for the sake of power, itself. Not a means to end other than making themselves feel good. Sort of sick.
I am waiting for the "smoking gun" to come out of Tony Blair's trial in England that will document that Cheney KNEW there were no "Weapons of Mass Destruction" BEFORE we declared war on Saddam.

There were lots of reasons to get rid of Saddam that would have been possible by international law and likely more efficient with less (wasted) loss of life. But Boob, Chummy, and Rumsnuts chose to lie about it.

When the truth comes out, it may be so bad a violation of the US Constitution as well as international law that Obama may not be able to pardon Cheney like he did Ted Stephens.
gah! I can see how this could go wrong is so many ways...
While I too would love for the "Draft Cheney" movement to gain some traction, the outcome would simply be that the Dick "has other priorities" as he usually says in response to a draft.
I'm all for Cheney. We're going to need someone with some balls to lead the invasion of Iran.
It would be so satisfying to LAUGH at the bastard's funeral.
Put bushpunk in the coffin with the other scumbag.
A slightly "off topic" question, but I'm honestly puzzled. I've been reading the CPAC coverage and seeing/hearing lots of tough talk mixed with pious declarations, but no ideas. Pawlenty, for instance, has wrapped himself in God and going forward with a golf club in hand. . .but what does he propose we do about people who can't find jobs or working people who can't afford health care? And after screaming for a public voice in the health care debate, Republicans get cheers from this crowd for vowing to turn the public summit they wanted into a WWF smackdown? I'd really like to hear some constructive ideas for this country but so far all we seem to get out of CPAC is anger and hate. Am I just not getting the full story or is that all they have?
PJMS, I think you've answered your own question: It's all they have.
Jail this un-American promoter of injustice and cruelty!

Love the post title. And enthusiastic YES to his candidacy. By all means, let's make the whole campaign about Republican war crimes, incompetency, inarticulate policies, failure, and secrecy!
Brilliant. You give me reason to live.
Dick Cheney--a man whose shallowness is equaled only by his lack of depth.
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