MY RECENT POSTS
- Now is not the time to be
watching TV at the Norske Nook
May 22, 2012 08:47PM - Monday Morning in the Jury
Room
May 07, 2012 08:27PM - Manger Mercredi: French & the
Principles of Accounting
May 05, 2012 11:51PM - Executive Meet N’ Greet
April 28, 2012 10:40PM - TAX DAY DEDUCTIONS: poetic
syllogisms
April 15, 2012 11:10AM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “My wife freelances, so
it's a week on here, a week
off there.
The weeks off are
f…”
April 15, 2012 11:16AM - “I want to be part of the
group that likes this.”
February 04, 2012 06:53PM - “Curses! No wonder my
transmission fell out.”
January 30, 2012 12:36PM - “The
Manservants.
-
www.sawyerspeaks.wordpress.com
”
November 14, 2010 12:14AM - “Isn't The Bisexual
Middle-Age Comic sufficient?
Good
luck.
www.sawyer
speaks.wordpr…”
March 28, 2010 11:27AM
Jeff Sawyer's Links
- New list
- SawyerSpeaks
Now is not the time to be watching TV at the Norske Nook
By Jeff Sawyer
I was in the men’s room at the Norske Nook pie restaurant in Osseo, Wisconsin last weekend, en route to a daughter’s Eau Claire graduation where a very funny writer named Michael Perry would give the kids advice I bet no other grad in th/
… Read full post »Monday Morning in the Jury Room
How’d
it go in court? I’ll tell you how it went in
court.
If ever you are summoned to jury duty, my innocent until proven otherwise friend, tell them you are canoeing across New Brunswick in search of beaver pelts that week, and if they don’t buy it, gather
… Read full post »Manger Mercredi: French & the Principles of Accounting
French was the course to make up college credits with if you’d already taken it in high school and didn’t want to drop out of college just because the thought of Accounting II being taught by a bleak man in a nut brown polyester suit and violet shirt wasn’t sufficient to g/… Read full post »
Executive Meet N’ Greet
An Interview with Carey V. Little,
New
Chief Marketing Officer at SawyerSpeaks, LLC
Welcome to the company! What attracted you to the SawyerSpeaks organization?
It was the history of the brand. This is an icon, a part of the American zeitgeist. It truly is a remarkable place, a unique place, one
… Read full post »TAX DAY DEDUCTIONS: poetic syllogisms
by Jeff Sawyer
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Your goose is cooked.
Cook the gander.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Leave and forget about it.
Too many cooks spoil the broth.
Many
Limburger on a Plane
by Jeff Sawyer
“Drinks for everyone in the place are on me!” yelled my friend Jerry to the barkeep, his voice echoing across the empty saloon. A “My Three Sons” episode running on an old TV screwed up into the corner of the ceiling was getting bigger laughs.
Jerry
… Read full post »
Aloe and Goodbye
Once upon a time in the year 2112, a handsome man and correspondingly beautiful woman rode a horse along a sandy ocean beach. A twisted, scarred, half-buried Statue of Liberty came into view.
ASHES TO ESCHERS, DUST A MUST
by Jeff Sawyer
An open casket at a funeral seems to me like a seat left up on a low-flow toilet: quick, somebody close that thing, nobody needs to see that.
I expect that, just as I get to the front of the viewing line, the dead guy’s going to
… Read full post »I’m a Stranger Here Myself
by Jeff Sawyer
“Pardonnez-moi, monsieur, I should like to have one of your finest bread boules, s’il vous plait,” I said to the man at the counter, who failed to comply, insomuch as we were at a dry cleaner in Wisconsin where he was not employed and he was by no char/
… Read full post »Customer Service Deteriorated During Mayan End-of-Days Sale
Top 5 Secrets Your Mechanic Doesn’t Want You to Know
5. It’s a secret.
4. It’s a secret.
3. It’s a secret.
2. It’s a secret.
1. It’s a secret. Read full post »
"Funny or Die" Leaves Trail of Bodies: Top Tweets of 2011
Laugh some more at:
https://twitter.com/#!/sawyerspeaks
I believe these new Placeboh™ pills are really helping.
Mitt's other son, Mute Romney, stays in the limo.
In The Bourne Identity Theft, Matt Damon calls up credit bureaus while trying to remember his passwor… Read full post »
Secrets Web Writers Don’t Want You to Know!
Which headline would you click on:
Are You Thrifty?
or
Are You A Tightwad?
Bill Maher, host of HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher” recently wrote in the New York Times:
“New Rule: Internet headlines have to be more like newspaper headlines. That means they have t… Read full post »
I DO. I DID? I DON’T! New Wedding Vows for the 21st Century
The divorce rate in America hovers at around 50% and that’s one in two which must be quite a surprise to the other spouse.
You can read about it in Divorce Magazine, the existence of which is equally surprising give or take an error rate of four percent.
It’s not
… Read full post »Least Popular Celebrity Google Searches of 2011
Snooki talent
About 281 Google search results
How many Oscars does Steven Seagal have
0 Google search results
Herman Cain Munster
About 485 Google search results
In what movies has Mitt Romney played the president
0 Google search results
Problems Rush Limbaugh has solved
0
… Read full post »
Kevin Pollak Has Exquisite Taste
Any fans of comic/actor Kevin Pollak out there? Just won a contest on Kevin Pollak's Chat Show by writing a line for his Larry King impression.
The line he did as Larry:
"I have one skin tag on my back for every state in America. Tujunga California – you're… Read full post »
Rise of the Planet of the Squirrels
Part III, the denouement
by Jeff Sawyer
No one knows when the gray squirrels became carnivorous and learned to parachute. Not even the Mayans predicted it, and they forewarned of great floods and Kardashians and reverse mortgage lenders.
I spotted the first, vile sciurine creature on December 10, 20
… Read full post »Squirrels 1, Sawyers 0
The story continues from last week…
You will recall that the plan to remove squirrels from our attic entailed opening the hatch in the ceiling of the spare bedroom closet, poking my head up there with a dab of peanut butter behind each ear, and when a squirrel latched onto
… Read full post »By Jeff Sawyer
It’s confirmed: we have squirrels in the attic.
Not in the metaphorical, He’s got squirrels in the attic way, though frequent readers know this can never be entirely ruled out, but in the tree-dwelling gray rodent with bushy tail that hid in Clark Griswold’/
… Read full post »
Why I’m Not Running for President of the United States
Reason #1 I’m not running for President: Prefer British version of Top Gear
Reason #2 I’m not running for President: Can’t locate most countries on map
Reason #3 I’m not running for President: Really dislike it when people watch me eat
Reason #4 I’m not running for Pres
… Read full post »NEW ELECTRIC FACEBOOK BUTTONS
In a disturbing new development – another being the Nantucket Heights development going up on the edge of town, the name being clearly unsound since Nantucket is at sea level – people have begun turning nouns into verbs.
A former CEO I know used “bonus” as a verb – most
… Read full post »
Emily Holleman
spotted_mind
Kerry Lauerman
Joan Walsh
Salon.com