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JANUARY 26, 2013 6:18PM

Top 3 Least Popular Build-a-Bear Franchise Spinoffs

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by jeff sawyer

Build-a-Snare Workshop

Kids turn razor-edged steel cables into small animal leg traps that are deployed in the vacant lot behind the mall. When a raccoon, squirrel or vermin is snared, friendly staff help kids stuff it and paint it and name it and box it and get the hell out of there.

Build-a-Nose Workshop

Situated exclusively in L.A. malls, these shops are staffed by residents in plastic surgery who help kids design a petite new schnozz for mom out of pottery clay while she’s across the mall buying SPANX and some other crap.

Build-a-Nuke Workshop

Kids who wander into this new franchise are given blueprints for a thermonuclear weapon, a Hills Brothers coffee-can nosecone and a softball-sized lump of tritium. To mom’s great relief, all components are imported from North Korea and thus have no chance of working. In fact the only explosion today will occur when a Jamba Juice Mango-A-Go-Go Smoothie meets a Taco Bell Chalupa in dad’s upper intestine at the Food Court.

Author tags:

design, comedy, family, animals

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