I had my Grandson, Jordan, this weekend and I'm just getting over it. Between him and this new puppy, my wife and I are wore out, the house is still a wreck and I was shamed by my grandson in a pee race that wasn't even close. I guess it's time to start making plans for the afterlife. Since I had my prostate removed it is really a chore to piss. It's either slow, slower or sit down and push. But I cheated. I took a Lasix, a pee pill to make you go. I had been hitting the bathroom with a lot of frequency and it was flowing pretty good, when I went into the bathroom and my grandson said he had to go too. It was on!

I told him "I'll be right out". But he said "I have to go bad". Well, hell, so did I. So I told him we would share. Bad mistake. Where he got this from I'll never know, but he looks at me and says "let's race". I did my best DeNiro and said, "You talking to me?" He say's "yeah, I'm talking to you". He's four! Well that got the ole' competitive juices flowing (flowing,hah) and I just knew I could take him. I was a good athlete in my day and was never one to back down from a challenge. We started to  whip them out and the battle began.

Let me say to start with that this boy is either well hung or I have a serious bout of shortage going on because, and I hate to admit this, there wasn't a lot of difference in the size. ouch!! Yeah, he must be a well hung young man. First we laid down some ground rules. I would count to three, he had to keep it in the bowl and not on my shoes. He told me the same. Why you little..., Ever who peed the fastest and got it back in and zipped back up would be the winner. The prize. My most precious possession, the remote. I could watch football or cartoons all day and I wasn't about to let this little whippersnapper stop me from watching football.

On the count of three. 1, 2, 3, I shot out of the gate. I had my zipper down and was starting when this little punk had hardly blinked. Mess we me, Hah? He finally started and it was no race. I know, I cheated with the pee pill, but, hey I'm old. I was half way through and all of a sudden he started peeing a stream like I had never seen before. It was gushing out and he was peeing like a man on fire. What? I couldn't let this happen. Not just for the football. No, this was a lifetime of him teasing me. I pushed as hard as an old man can, and started catching up. I hadn't peed this fast in twenty years (which isn't saying a lot) and I felt like the champ I knew I could be.

Alas, it wasn't to be. The little punk left me in the dust like and old broken down Ford. We washed up and went into the living room for me to face my shame. I have never seen such a merciless winner in my lifetime. He yelled for all to hear "I beat PA in a pee race" and everyone looked at me like I was crazy old man. I reached for the remote and handed it to him like a good loser should, with a sarcastic grin. He promptly turned it to a cartoon and I stood there a beaten man. All day Sunday I watched cartoons while he mocked me. It just ain't right.

Finally, it was time for him to leave. I love him to death but this was one time I was glad to see him go. He had ridden me all day long, along with the rest of the family. I had barely got the TV changed to watch the late games when the phone rang. It was him." Ha, Ha, a Ha, Ha,". Why you little..., My friends, sometimes life is just not fair!!