"Yes, this the the electric company and we need to know if your refrigerator is running."
"Why? Should I check"?
"Yes, please. This could be serious".
Lady runs in kitchen, comes back out of breath.
"Yes, It's running".
"Well, you better catch it before it gets away"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ring!!Ring!!~~"Hello, Bob's Grocery"
"Yes, I was wondering if you had Prince Albert in the Can"?
"Why yes we do sir"!
"Well you better let him out before he gives out of air"! HAHAHAHAHA!
Yes folks, that was how kids back in my day would make prank telephone calls. There were many of them, but these are just two examples I could remember. You think your life is boring, look what we did to pass the time. But we did have a phone book and we could look up names of people we wanted to call and find numbers we didn't know and yes, even make these stupid prank phone calls. They are now in the process of taking away something that we have always taken for granted, the Telephone Book. R.I.P. Dammit!
These were just a couple of old ones I found on Google images. Way to old for me and I'm ancient. Now some of the telephone companies are asking congress or the FCC I'm not sure, if they can stop printing phone books. They claim they are obsolete and expensive. They also use up trees, millions of them and they may be right but I hate it just the same. It's like taking away part of me somehow.
These are the kind most of us probably had or have. I never use it much, but I like to have it around. I have numbers of people written in it from years ago that I will never need, but I don't want to get rid of them. I want my phone book! Sure, you can call 411 and get a number but it costs and you have to spell out everything to these people in India who have no idea what you want, only the information if you're lucky. They don't know I'm calling Bob's Barbershop but that Bob died years ago and his daughter now runs it as Barb's His & Her Cut & Style but she never got around to changing the old number. This is small-town America, why pay for another ad when everyone knows ole' Bob died anyway?
Remember this? Yes, no matter how strong a man was, if he couldn't tear a phone book in half he was a wimp. Now what will they tear in half? The cellphone bill? Why, no man on earth could tear one of those things in half. Just the hidden charges alone would make Arnold Schwarzenegger cry like a baby. Put the state and federal taxes along with the taxes that are are so top secret Obama can't see them and you can hardly carry the envelope.
How about the yellow pages? How will we find the lawn mower guy we always use but always lose the number. The gas company who even though I don't use gas, I really need the number every now and again. I don't know why but Terri asked me just last week what was the name of the company because she had to call them. I know not why. I needed it yesterday to find a cheap mechanic (hah, there is no such thing) to try and fix my wipers on my clunker because when it rains, I am sitting under a bridge on the interstate until the rain let's up.
These were just a couple of the old ones I found. I was going to do this whole piece on old phone books but then I got turned around. I started thinking that another part of our lives is becoming obsolete. That something else that I have known all my life is disappearing and will never come back. That everyday, they advertise a new cellphone that makes the one they advertised the day before look like it was made in the stone age. How do they do this? How many of these phones can they continue making? They already do more than the computer I'm typing on now. This computer was made in 1995, I think, and has everything I need. I do wish I had a laptop so I could sit comfortable, but as far as what I need, this is fine.
To the phone companies, who could care less about the environment, it's the cost of making them but this is really what it's all about. I read once that one Sunday New York Times newspaper used up one good-sized tree. I thought that was crazy. One paper? How many does one New York phone book take? A forest? But when I saw the above picture of the waste of making millions of phone books it made me think. Do I really need a phone book? No, I was being selfish as usual and as far as I'm concerned, they can stop making them yesterday. But I do get to bitch about it, I'm an old man, I've earned that right!