In a shocking development, Scientists in Sweden have learned that the size of a man's penis is not dependent on the size of his guns, no matter how many or what kind of guns they have. I have got to say, I'm flabbergasted. This goes against everything I was ever taught. Not in school mind you, but hanging with my macho hunting buddies. I don't know whether to sell my guns or pay for a dick extension. 

According to the scientists, this whole fraud was something the National Rifle Association, or NRA perpetrated on the men in this country to get them to buy more guns. Attorney General Eric Holder was quick to call a press conference to say the Obama Administration will get to the bottom of this and will jail anyone who has committed fraud against the American people.  

This from  a researcher, Dr. W Svenenberg in Sweden:

“Ve look at ze mens wit ze guns and ve look at ze penis of zeese mens,” said Dr. Sven Svenenberg of the Svenlandia Institute. “Itz veery zad. Ze penis is so wee.” 

According to the researchers, this is known as the "Glenn Beck Effect". This is from an American doctor:

We’ve known this all along. We call it the ‘Glenn Beck Effect,’” said Johnson from his home office in Tupelo, Miss. “Not long ago, a Wikileaks document emerged showing a naked picture of Beck. Dude’s hung like a pimple on a pimple. Then all of a sudden you start seeing the guy show up holding guns.” 

According to the article, they took 300 men who owned guns. They then weighed them and measured their penis. They were told to go out, buy as many guns as they wanted and to come back in a year. The verdict, and this really surprised me as much as anything, when they measured their penis a year later there was no change. OMG! How could I have been fooled all these years? I should have never moved to the south, even though I have heard this is happening all over the country.

Of course, the news had not even gotten out yet before the NRA put out this statement from Ron Schmeits, President of the NRA:

The doctors stood by heir research. Again form Dr. W Svenenberg: 

“Zey are so wee, it’z almozt to make me to laugh,” said Dr. Svenenberg. “But no. I don’t to laugh. Iz zad. Zo veery zad.” 

I tried to hide this article from my wife, but she found it anyway. I had told her time and time again, "Baby, just let me buy that Glock over there and I'll be hung like a horse". She let me buy gun after gun but there was no visible (or invisible) change. I told her "it takes time, nothing works overnight. Look at my Rogaine, does it grow hair over night?" She fell for it, but what really makes me mad is, I did too. Everyday I would break out the ruler and measure it. No change. I was suckered, just like the millions of men across this country.

I think we have the grounds for a class-action suit against the NRA and gun makers across the country. If there are any lawyers on OS or if anyone knows a big law firm that will represent us gun owners, please let me know and I will lead the charge to make these bloodsuckers pay for their bald-faced lies that have made them rich while keeping us small-packaged men in the poor-house. You guys who are already hung, can kiss us less than normal men's ass.