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____________________________________ Available now "A KILLER OF ANGELS" by Kenneth Sibbett Amazon Books, Kindle and CreateSpace https://www.amazon.com/author/kennethsibbett ____________________________________ ____________________________________ I also write under the name "Kenneth Sibbett". Email: kennethsibbett@gmail.com ___________________________________

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JULY 30, 2011 8:38AM

If You're an Asshole, Don't Read This

Rate: 59 Flag

 
 
 

I think we are living in uncharted territory. I am no history buff, but I don't think America has ever been this close to being a country where everyone is an asshole. Yes, everyone. Not us mind you. Of course, I'm not talking about us, but everyone else is damn sure on the list. As matter of fact, if you are not reading this, you're an asshole and you will be getting an Email from someone telling you so, I'm sure. Being an asshole does has its privileges. You don't get a discount card, like 10% off of your coffee at McDonald's like those AARP assholes, but you do get your ass kissed by everyone who wants and needs your asshole vote. Those assholes in congress, who finally voted on a bill that will be stripping entitlements away from seniors and the disabled, and not raise any revenue,  had their asses kissed for weeks. It must be nice to be elected to congress by a bunch of teaparty assholes, go to Washington and be  surrounded by fellow teaparty assholes and have a committee of assholes. I'm sure some asshole is the Head Asshole, so all the assholes had to get together to elect a Head Asshole so that asshole can tell everyone that his group of assholes will only vote on a bill that his assholes approve of. So, let's see what these assholes accomplished. For weeks they held up this nation as asshole after asshole was wined and dined to vote on an asshole of a bill that two hours after it was approved, another group of assholes tabled it. So all the work these assholes did is thrown out, and now there is another bill a bunch of assholes are working on that no asshole is going to vote for. So you will have two bills, prepared by assholes, that don't stand an assholes chance in hell of passing each other's house. But then, the assholes have an idea. Lets take these asshole plans, combine the two and make one big asshole bill out of them, then send it to the Grand Asshole and beg him to sign a plan that throws the poor under a bus, probably driven by an asshole. "We did it" the assholes will yell. "We got a bill passed by both houses of assholes, signed by the Grand Asshole, who is now allowed to raise the debt ceiling so we can borrow money from Chinese assholes". I knew the assholes would do it, because that's what assholes do. They act like assholes, although they aren't acting, they are real assholes, until the last minute, scare the hell out of all the elderly, who think they won't get their Social Security Checks, just so these assholes could make a point. We all know the point these assholes were trying to make, right? Not me. For the life of me, I have no idea what the point of all this was. Boy, I'm glad I'm not an asshole, aren't you?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

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You've said it far better than I ever could!
I agree.. its in black and white here.
HUGGGGGGGGGG
Scanner...

...MR. ASSHOLE...

...if you please.

Oh, by the way, I didn't read what you wrote, but you are so interesting in the other stuff you've written, I am sure I would have enjoyed it.

Lemme see now...why didn't I read it???
In the rectum of things we all are a bit assholish at times. What we NEED to do is line these particular assholes up and rip them each a new one. A colonoscopy of the minds so to speak.
~r for bringing out the asshole in all of us.
This is the first time I have laughed about what a complete cluster---- Washington has become. I am usually near tears or very angry. Thanks for this. Well-written and witty as usual, sir! R
Scanner, when you're right, you're right. The sphinctered spectacle on Capitol Hill recently should go down in the anus of History.
I'm pretty sure I'm somebody's asshole, but I read this anyway, and I fully agree with your argument. But I must add that you are an asshole, too, of a different kind perhaps, but an asshole just the same for not breaking this up into PARAGRAPHS!!!
I am so glad I read this
I could not agree more
Assholes every one
any one
the democrats are
turning into conservative republican assholes
and the republicans are turning into demonic assholes.
Thanks for this refreshing post
rated with love
You know damn well that none of us assholes can resist the urge to read something we're told not to read!!!
Obviously there must be an asshole bureaucracy with different classifications than just asshole, giant asshole, and Grand Asshole. Couldn't we assign someone like Eric Cantor or Rush Limbaugh a title like Cloaca Magna? That's Latin for Rome's main sewer opening.
i call them worse, but i won't dirty up your post by repeating it here. rant on, scanner. ;
Sad part is we got what we deserved.

:-) / R
Somewhere George Carlin is applauding---cause this says it exactly the way it is.
scanner, the jury's still out on me. Hope you don't mind my exploiting the indeterminacy to read this fine post.
Being an asshole is simply the result of living the assholistic lifestyle. (Since you wrote this I've been getting a lot of email....)
Well I read it, so I'm relieved I'm not one. But now I'm scared because it looks like there aren't too many of us non-assholes left. Maybe we should start our own little colony like they did in that movie "I Am Legend." You have to be the Will Smith character and come up with the anti-asshole serum before they completely take over.
Phew! I feel like I just took a combination eye exam and reading comprehension test. And I laughed my ass off. LOL!

Lezlie
Had to read it...us assholes like to hear themselves think out loud!
"scare the hell out of all the elderly, who think they won't get their Social Security Checks, just so these assholes could make a point."

What they did is just mean. I can be mean but not like that. When they all get together it is overwhelming in Washington.. That was some paragraph!! Powerful.
Only an asshole writes shit like this without using paragraph breaks. Here, I'll do it for you, so I can read the fucking thing:

I think we are living in uncharted territory.

I am no history buff, but I don't think America has ever been this close to being a country where everyone is an asshole.

Yes, everyone. Not us, mind you.

Of course, I'm not talking about us, but everyone else is damn sure on the list. As matter of fact, if you are not reading this, you're an asshole and you will be getting an Email from someone telling you so, I'm sure.

Being an asshole does has its privileges.

You don't get a discount card, like 10% off of your coffee at McDonald's like those AARP assholes, but you do get your ass kissed by everyone who wants and needs your asshole vote.

Those assholes in congress, who finally voted on a bill that will be stripping entitlements away from seniors and the disabled, and not raise any revenue, had their asses kissed for weeks.

It must be nice to be elected to congress by a bunch of teaparty assholes, go to Washington and be surrounded by fellow teaparty assholes and have a committee of assholes.

I'm sure some asshole is the Head Asshole, so all the assholes had to get together to elect a Head Asshole so that asshole can tell everyone that his group of assholes will only vote on a bill that his assholes approve of.
|
So, let's see what these assholes accomplished. For weeks, they held up this nation as asshole after asshole was wined and dined to vote on an asshole of a bill that two hours after it was approved, another group of assholes tabled it.

So all the work these assholes did is thrown out, and now there is another bill a bunch of assholes are working on that no asshole is going to vote for.

So you will have two bills, prepared by assholes, that don't stand an assholes chance in hell of passing each other's house. But then, the assholes have an idea. Lets take these asshole plans, combine the two and make one big asshole bill out of them, then send it to the Grand Asshole and beg him to sign a plan that throws the poor under a bus, probably driven by an asshole.

"We did it" the assholes will yell. "We got a bill passed by both houses of assholes, signed by the Grand Asshole, who is now allowed to raise the debt ceiling so we can borrow money from Chinese assholes".

I knew the assholes would do it, because that's what assholes do.

They act like assholes, although they aren't acting, they are real assholes, until the last minute, scare the hell out of all the elderly, who think they won't get their Social Security Checks, just so these assholes could make a point.

We all know the point these assholes were trying to make, right?

Not me. For the life of me, I have no idea what the point of all this was.

Boy, I'm glad I'm not an asshole, aren't you?


OKAY. Now I can agree with you 100%, now that I know what you actually said. Keep up the good work. Please, don't bother to thank me. It's been a long time since I had to save you from yourself. It was due.
Grrr. God damned fucking rating system. You want to see my poetic rant on the same subject, you can go find it yourself.
Hey, Matt, get with the program. If Scanner's too fucking lazy to break up his shit into paragraphs, we have to do it for him. Those who complain, complain. Those who fix, fix.
It is a philosophical argument. Must one become an asshole in order to prevent the assholes from doing asshole-like things all the time. The answer seems obvious and it is Yes! The problem with assholes is they only respond to other assholes. I am for ripping some new assholes-let's start the movement here and now--Assholes United Against Assholes
Uh . . . Sage Merlin--It takes three sentences minimum to qualify as a paragraph unless it is dialogue set apart.
Spud, that's genius! The Assholes United Against Assholes
AUAA
I'm with the union label. The union label, the AUAA~~
All Together Now

SPUD for Union President ~AYE`Second~AYE Yea~Spud is the new Union President of the AUAA

Treasurer of AUAA~scanner~AYE`Second~AYE~ YEA ~scanner is the Treasurer if the AUAA Union~Dues will be set up soon~

Welcome all members to the new AUAA~
Great stuff you captured this moment of America's history in its total madness. I have lived outside the United States for over 25 years and even though I haven't agreed with many things in American society I never thought I would see this type of dysfunction. Here we are and now I really expect it. We are in the endgame now where the spiral downward ends in the abyss
I had to come over and read this because...well, I want to stay on your good side.

Seriously, when it comes to cutting to the chase, you are unparalleled. I suspect you've just given voice to an awful lot of people.
If it were made for TV, the Washington drama would have been called "The Big Bang Theory."
Guess who is getting banged!!!!!
Go ahead .......guess!!!!
Scanner, it's mostly a situation of a certain political party that sports an elephant mascot having this distinction. Believe it or not, there are still a lot of wonderful people in this country, but they constantly are overshadowed by the you know what types!
Scanner - I read it. I am not one but some people think I am and that is okay- that is their choice. "Getting To Know You" song comes to my mind. Be well. Rated with a Jali Smile. :-)
and nowhere is there any debate about the monstrous USWarmachine that is primarily responsible for all the scorched earth surrounding us...... see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
I'm so glad I'm not an asshole. Thanks for pointing this out. Rated and "liked."
Assholes abounding, scanner. What a fucking mess. But, it may give Pres. Obama the right to use a Constitutional Amendment. That would actually be kind of cool to witness. This is a history!
I'm an asshole, got a degree in it!! Some folks call it 'Business' but...what? :D
i THINK i'd like to enroll for membership in AUAA
but wouldn't that make me an asshole,
precluding readership of this post?

can i just slip in under some gigantic pain in the ass honorary member clause?

wait a minute-that doesn't sound right either...
I think you are a history buff because you nailed it on this one!
This is the best and funniest article about assholes ever.............RRRRRRRRR.
The Tea Party consists of the nation's dregs.
These days, ti seems like every week is assHoly Week(tm).

It pains me to agree with this rant. Alas.

Has a madness descended upon our beautiful land?
They didn't really touch entitlements though, which is the real problem, that and taxes. That is what is really scary.
scan, as well-reasoned as any argument I've read on OS, and in terms even the TP can understand. :-) Thanks, I feel better after reading this. [R]
In fact, you are being too kind. I have found the meaning to life and I know why we are here, but I still cannot figure out why would anyone vote against the poor, the elderly and the sick. It is just beyond me. Try to find a word for: an evil, savage, barbaric, vile, cruel asshole who thrives on the misery of others. Great post, ScanMan. R
Sometimes the truth's just too funny - well, ya gotta laugh - only assholes don't laugh!
I had this big old comment written up and then it maybe sounded stupid so erased it and will just say you hit the nail on the head!
And then there is voting for the lesser of two assholes, and that is not considered an asshole thing to do, eh? That is considered the wise and pragmatic thing to do.

Or is that basking in the humility of being a faux-asshole, hah! Not really one. As long as one stays kinda in the center and is not extremely for conservative insanity or extremely for conscience (boy, those conscience-talking purist assholes are the biggest ones) is okay.

Boy, you sure want it both ways, scanner, and you really pull it off, too. From the both sides of your mouth school of Obama-nation.

Don't struggle in the quicksand of fascism, all you ostriches with your heads in the quicksand, cuz it'll make us all go down faster? Is that the thinking. Don't call out ALL the assholes, seriously. Sounds like you are, but not really, not in commitment. Not in saying no to evil. Not in not saying yes fully to decency and humanity!!!

Another thought. Maybe if we get proactive and make the leadership assholes have some opposition, all of them because they AlL deserve it, which you certainly seem to be saying above, but not really committing to in terms of standing against BOTH parties, we won't hand over this country to the fascists on a platter? We won't sink into the quicksand of fascism.

Talking the talk ... but don't really go seriously on the record for conscience. Don't call out a prez who incinerates and takes your money. Cuz there is a Republican who would probably incinerate people much worse and take your money faster.

I guess I just felt like being an asshole. Thought you had issued the invitation.

libby
Yep. Clearly you understand Assholes!
libbyliberalnyc, Baby, you must not read me much. I don't shy away from anything. For 2 1/2 years I have left my blood and guts on the floor of OS, taking stand after stand after stand. When I used to write my political columns, I was even threatened with bodily harm and a death threat. You talk of fascism as if that is something that is being bargained for or against. Obama is a Nazi one week, a Socialist the next, and a Fascist the next week. Perhaps, when I write another serious post, we can have a civil discussion on politics. Today I'm just not in the mood, but thanks for coming by, everyone is welcome at Scanner's Diner.
I'm sorry. I got the impression you were part of the lesser of two evils view of present American faux-progressive pragmatism. Cronyism on that score seeming to be so strong at OS. Would you pledge not to vote for Obama, not to enable him I wonder?

I am an asshole and a coward. I pay taxes which are used for evil. I don't dissent at the risk of going to jail. I own that guilt and shame.

I know that when we elected Obama after the nightmare of Bush we got betrayed. We got "date raped" as a nation, by someone who simply ramped up the evil status quo but had the cover of national good will and the time it took for citizens, already traumatized, to go through the stages of grief. People who deny the "date rape" or minimize it traumatize me now more than the sell-out Obamas or Reids or Pelosis.

Most are stuck in the bargaining stage. Over-focused on the evil on the right, when the faux-left was so evil all along and is hiding behind the MSNBC media mass hynosis. The Dems playing good-cop to their bad-cop, when all but less than a few handful of the political class were massively on the TAKE and letting democracy slide into fascism!

You've called out the Nazis, baby, and more power to you. But you haven't called out the "Good Germans"! They don't need cronyism. They need a swift kick.
there's nothing like a single spaced dense apt rant to make my already somewhat bleak day a bit bleaker. i'd prefer it were a stone cold lie, scanner, but this even this truth is beautiful when spouted so nobly, yes?
I second Dr. Spudman's proposal. The only problem is that nobody will join because assholes never admit to being assholes.
I think there is one thing we can all do and agree on for these assholes Scanner. We should all stand up and march to the gates carrying KY jelly and wearing blue exam gloves. I bet the thoughts to the elite assholes of a crowd rectal exam would make the $h1T fly....
Perhaps it was a bit of behind the scenes political gamesmanship. Unfortunately, we never know all of the wheeling and dealing that goes on behind the scenes.
A most excellent rant, sir.
rated
When asshat just won't do... and neither will a**hole.

Loved this in a very I-hate-how-true-it-is kind of way.
Jesus, Scanner. I've written politcal op-eds for 30 years ( but of course can't employ the language you do here) which says something about the mainstream media. YOU HIT this one out of the old ballyard. You got it, you said it. Fantastic. Hunter S. t. is applauding in his grave, although that's hard to do in a tight box and all. And Libbysmruachjle, lighten up, or take your meds.
I can't believe in the year when our economy was the absolute worst, they let us down like this. What was that word you used? Oh yah, Assholes!
it's the whole world, let me assure you...
yeah.
Sage, you were such an asshole, but thank you for being an asshole. It was easier to read.

It's not that these guys are really after widows and orphans; it's more like they think that if we give tax breaks to rich people, they'll create jobs and widows and orphans will be lifted on the tide. They won't, of course; their entire premise is flawed.
yeah, glad i aint no asshole.
in fact, obama has secretly taken me as his advisor.
i tell him, "Obbie, yr new constituency
be the poor the old and the sick of politics/as/practiced
by assholes"

i got a bit blunt with mr. president and said,
go thee to the senior citizens' places, where they gather and
spend their/our money.
make em
happy.

nice man, they will say.
not like teapotty nutcase who i s tryin to scare me.
he had a bad upbringing.
i like negros. always have. some are soooooooooooo smart,
say

some un-pc
oldsters. so what?
yeah, glad i aint no asshole.
in fact, obama has secretly taken me as his advisor.
i tell him, "Obbie, yr new constituency
be the poor the old and the sick of politics/as/practiced
by assholes"

i got a bit blunt with mr. president and said,
go thee to the senior citizens' places, where they gather and
spend their/our money.
make em
happy.

nice man, they will say.
not like teapotty nutcase who i s tryin to scare me.
he had a bad upbringing.
i like negros. always have. some are soooooooooooo smart,
say

some un-pc
oldsters. so what?
I stopped by and and read ya. I just don't know what to say. I may be considered one of those people with my head in the sand. I knew there was an issue, but I haven't followed it in several days. I was busy doing other things.

Truth is I decided a long time ago that there was very little I could do about government, so I let those who play there play their games while I do my own things. It may be wrong thinking, but I don't have solutions to questions I have never thought to ask.

I know the government situation is important, but I am not one to complain 'often' unless I can also add a suggestion on how to fix things.

Keep writing. I enjoy reading your posts.

Hugsw
Yes, as you have so elegantly(?) stated, analocity has clearly reached critical mass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~Urk!~~~~~~~~~~~~

Where the heck is our Creekend buddy from the UK? Shouldn't he be here to tell us we're all "arseholes", not "assholes?"

.
thank gawd i'm not an asshole'! and thanks for writing this! E
Miguela Holt y Roybal: Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but paragraphs can most certainly be one sentence long, and even one word long, without being encased in quotes as dialogue. It's called emphasis. I've sat on the rim of major daily newspapers, editing copy, and I never heard anyone take the three sentence rule seriously, because it just doesn't make any sense. Classic composition required three sentences: exposition, elucidation, and expurgation. It's as artificial as my wooden leg.
scanner, you need a 60 rating
to make up for yr non-ep
on the walter reed post.

the country has crossed the so called
rubicon.

as the bible sez:
"gonna come & separate the
sleeping
from
the assholes"

whaat is this?
"It's called emphasis. I've sat on the rim of major daily newspapers, editing copy, and I never heard anyone take the three sentence rule seriously, because it just doesn't make any sense. "

emphasis?
three sentences?
fuck it
write as a poet.

alot less f-ing rules.
scanner, you need a 60 rating
to make up for yr non-ep
on the walter reed post.

the country has crossed the so called
rubicon.

as the bible sez:
"gonna come & separate the
sleeping
from
the assholes"

whaat is this?
"It's called emphasis. I've sat on the rim of major daily newspapers, editing copy, and I never heard anyone take the three sentence rule seriously, because it just doesn't make any sense. "

emphasis?
three sentences?
fuck it
write as a poet.

alot less f-ing rules.
Wow, just came to this post and there is an ad on it that is red and has a fetus on it with a halo around it, it reads: Make Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels stand up and fight for the UNBORN. Um, wow, that is some disturbing bit of shit to see on this post, by the auto OS powers that be. Unbelievable. Seriously. I can't believe that would allow that on OS.
So you're an optimist