"I will fuckin' kill YOU!! Give me a puff of that cigarette or I will fuckin' kill YOU!!!

You know how many times I've had thought that same thought? I don't know the exact count, but I do know it's now been 3 months and I still want a cigarette as bad now as I did when I quit. How this government, or the world, could turn a drug like nicotine loose on kids and adults is just as wrong as what Dr. Murry, Michael Jackson's doctor, did by leaving him alone after injecting him full of a drug that could kill him. It is an outrage that they still sell these damn things. 

I have done almost every illegal drug known to man at one time or another in my life, and never, ever, have I had the joneses like I have had from nicotine. It's terrible and the tobacco companies should be made to give you the option of staying in a 5-Star Hotel with free everything and a doctor like Dr Murry (well, a better one) shooting you up with liquid Zanax until the cravings stop, which by the way, seems to be on my deathbed! 

But, besides that little "hiccup", I'm doing great, how 'bout ya'll? Yeah, this OWS is really kicking some ass. It's the only protest I've ever seen this huge, yet the airplay on the major networks is almost an after-thought. It hardly ever leads the network news on NBC, ABC or CBS. CBS will lead with it sometimes instead of the fascinating and dramatic republican debates. I get the chills when Brian Williams tells me Herman Cain is now ahead in the "most recent polls". 500 people arrested in Boston and they lead with the Godfather of Pizza. Right! Me thinks they may have mighty overlords whispering in their little journalistic ears~ya' think?

I do have one big announcement to make. As some of you know, I bought a guitar a month or two ago and I've really been practicing. I must be an idiot savant (idiot?) or something, because I think I'm really going to hit the big-time. I know about 7 or 8 chords, I'm just a little slow putting them all together. But, I figure if Milli Vinilli could fake it, I could kill on stage. I know where to put my fingers on the guitar, but the sound that comes out is just terrible. Just film me while I'm doing my Chuck Berry Duck Walk and swinging my hips like the Big-E himself, and I'm ready to buy a mansion. My mother's name is Doris, but DorisMasion just doesn't have that Graceland ring to it. DorisLand?  I guess I can always figure that out after the money starts rolling in, right?

Before I head on outta' here to do some lip-syncing and practice my dance moves, like all ex-smokers (why does that sound like ex-con, ex-felon, ex-child molester, Jeez) I have a few figures from the internet that I've researched. If I would have never picked up one of those cigs, butts, squares, dugan's, refries, coffin nails, cancer sticks, fags, jacks, hausersticks, lung darts, gaspers, Black Lungs (always a personal fave), or even death sticks, makes you wonder why you would pick them up in the first place, I would have approx., $1,101,128.42 in the bank.

Yep, ole' Scan would have been a millionaire. Hell, I might have even moved to Beverly Hills, I hear that's where all us dumb-ass rich country 'folk go, hah~~ 

*I have now stopped smokingfor 3 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 49 minutes, 16 seconds. That translates into 2,958 cigarettes NOT smoked, for a savings of $591.63! At 5 minutes per cigarette I have increased my life expectancy by 1 week, 3 days, 6 hours, 30 minutes, 44 seconds.