This is something I've never done before. The hell with the errors and punctuation and grammar, this one's on me. I want to write about something Terri and I and her family are going through. It is one of the most vicious diseases I have ever witnessed.  Any of you that have read much of what I've written in the last 3 years, know that I know pain. The deep, agonizing physical pain that will make you want to die, to literally kill yourself. Terri has had breast cancer that was barely caught in time and I had my own bout with prostate cancer. None of the above hurts like what we are going through right now. I would not wish this on my worst enemy.    

                                      Alzheimer's Disease

It's been going on with Terri's mother now for about a year, and to see how fast it has taken a woman who was so vibrant and independent and made her into a shell of her former self is heartbreaking. She is 80 years old. A year ago she could hold a conversation with me about politics or gardening or what have you, and knew as much or more than I did. Now, she cannot remember to take a bath. This woman never had a hair out of place and her house was always spotless. This morning, I had to leave the house from the stink where she has let cats use the bathroom in her house.

This morning was the worse. Terri and I were asleep around 3 a.m. when the phone rang. Terri's sister, who lives near-by and stays with her mother every night, away from her own family, had argued with her mother. Her mother called and told Terri her daughter had kidnapped her and had her locked up in some building somewhere. It was unreal. Terri, crying herself, talked to her for over an hour trying to convince her she was OK, and not kidnapped or in danger. She told her we would be there would be there at first daylight.

When we arrived, her mother, sister and her husband had already argued and her mother was crying and afraid. She was asking what was wrong with her? What do you say to someone like this. Someone who doesn't remember what she just did and will call you a liar, no, a goddamn liar, if you tell her different. This from a woman who has not said a cuss word in the 23 years I have known her. Never. She wants to commit suicide, but either doesn't know how or can't remember to do it. It is tearing this entire family apart. Her son-in-law, whose house they let her live in, for free, has had enough. He and I both think she is a danger to herself and others and should be placed in a home for people with her condition. 

Terri and her sister and brother, are all undecided and hate to, "throw her into a nursing home".  I say there are places that are more like apartment complexes, that have games and outings with the other patients and will keep her safe. I told her mother what I thought, and of course, she doesn't not want to leave her house. I do not blame her, I wouldn't either. But to bolster my point, when we arrived back home, her mother called and asked Terri who "was that man with her at her house"? That man was me, and I've known her for over 23 years. Her son called this morning and talked to her, twice, yet she is raising hell about him not calling her for weeks. This cannot go on.

It is stressing out the whole family, especially Terri and the doctor has told me twice, to keep all the stress I can away from her. She has had a serious stomach problem for over 2 years, and it's only getting worse. There is nothing else to remove. When does the love for the parent with Alzheimer's, take precedence over the love of your wife or loved one? I am asking. I know there are many of you out there who have gone through this.

I know there is no right or wrong answer, only a decision to be made and carried out. There are no good guys and bad guys here. The bad guy is the Alzheimer's, this vicious disease that while painless, is more painful that anything I've ever seen. A disease that affects everyone it touches. I've copy and pasted the meaning of the disease below, for anyone who is not familiar with it but believe me, with people living longer, this is going to be a problem of tremendous magnitude for families all over the world. I ask only for your thoughts and suggestions. 

Alzheimer's Disease - A progressive, degenerative disease that attacks the brain and results in impaired memory, thinking and behavior. One in 10 persons over 65 and nearly half of those over 85 have Alzheimer's disease. U.S. society spends at least $100 billion a year on this disease. Neither Medicare nor private health insurance covers the type of long- term care most patients need. More than 7 out of 10 people with Alzheimer's live at home. Almost 75% of the home care is provided by family and friends. The remainder is "paid" care costing an average of $12,500 per year, most of which is covered by families. (Alzheimer's Association - A progressive, degenerative disease that attacks the brain and results in impaired memory, thinking and behavior. One in 10 persons over 65 and nearly half of those over 85 have Alzheimer's disease. U.S. society spends at least $100 billion a year on this disease. Neither Medicare nor private health insurance covers the type of long- term care most patients need. More than 7 out of 10 people with Alzheimer's live at home. Almost 75% of the home care is provided by family and friends. The remainder is "paid" care costing an average of $12,500 per year, most of which is covered by families. (Alzheimer's Association

**Last night, again, she called not knowing where she was at. She thought she was in another town and was going to get in her car and leave and try to find her house. She was in her house. This has to be remedied, soon.