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Birdwatcher Extraordinaire

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JANUARY 9, 2013 3:58PM

The Last Story of the Mouse from Mars

Rate: 12 Flag
Happy-Mondays-Rat 
  

Kyle was tired, very tired. Each day was just like the last and tomorrow would be the same. There's only so much bitching a man can do over a lifetime, and he had more than used up his allowed allotment. He was writing a story, another of the mediocre stories that he always had in his head, but was to stupid to stay in school and learn how to write them properly. He eyeballed his favorite coach and decided to leave this earth for awhile. He knew something that no one else knew. When you sleep, the earth disappears and so does everyone in it. It's the same as it was millions (billions, who knows, God?) of years ago while you sleep. 

He popped a Xanex, said goodbye to his wife and went to sleep. He hoped she would be here when he awoke. She was here every other time, but  then again, you never know. He would hate it for his wife and family, but in a way, what better way to lose a loved one than to wake up and everyone is just "gone". You have no time to grieve because you have to survive. There may well be aetosaurs or cynodonts or dicynodonts or ornithosuchids or rauisuchians runmaging around, looking for food. Although he doubted it would happen, even if it was just a small rat, he would be scared. These were his last thoughts as the giant Xanex kicked in.

He awoke before he awoke, if that makes sense. He could hear, but was still not quite back from visiting friends from one of the many schools he had attended. They weren't really friends, they were more like customers, buying Dime Bags of pot from his trunk parked behind the HOLLYWOOD sign in Los Angelas, even though he had never been in LA before. Now that he been here, he could cross it off his "Bucket List" of things to do, even though he had no bucket list. He made a note, make a bucket list and opened his eyes. FUCK~The house was empty. Everyone in the house was gone. He quickly turned on the TV and saw nothing but static. He knew it.

He ran into the bedroom and grabbed his 38. cal pistol that his grandfather had left him, along with a handful of bullets and walked outside, very slowly. He could feel and sense the emptiness  No cars going by, no kids making a racket in the neighborhood, not even the fuckin' black Labrador Retriever that keeps unloading  10 lbs. of shit in his yard everyday. He didn't know where to go or what to do when he got there, when he suddenly heard a voice. A big booming voice that hurt his ears and drove him to his knees, but was quickly adjusted by someone, or something. "Kyle, sorry about the volume  I haven't talked to anyone on earth in millions of years and I'm a little rusty" Kyle fainted.

He awoke on Mars, although he didn't know it at the time. He looked at his hands and legs and he knew right away he was a mouse. The voice he heard before passing out was his father's voice and he was now standing by his bedside. He looked around and saw another mouse, presumably his mother, crying and looking at him like he was a ghost. "Where am I?" Kyle said. "Son, I'm your daddy. This is your mamma and are we glad to see you awake and talking. You see, you were in a terrible accident and for the last 50 years you've been in a coma. Welcome home, son. Kyle freaked out!

He was no mouse from Mars, and nothing they could say would ever convince  him otherwise. He felt around in his mouse pocket and felt something familiar. He pulled out the 38 cal. pistol and blew a hole through his mouse daddy's head. He then killed his "mother", as if she was really his mother. Quickly jumping -up from his bed, he saw a door and ran into another room. It was filled with every type of mice, all sitting around small tables drinking lattes and eating green cheese.
 
One mouse, bigger than the others and with a sheriff's badge on his furry mouse chest, told him to "Freeze". Kyle, never the sharpest knife in the drawer but with solid brass balls, yelled "Fuck you" and ran towards the door. The mouse sheriff blew the back of  Kyle's his head off and walked over and put three more bullets in his chest.. As he walked through the blood and brains that was everywhere, he took a tiny toothpick out of his tiny teeth and said, "I never did like that no good son-of-a-bitch. Somebody clean this shit up and get me a real cup of coffee, black."
 
Kyle's simple headstone had these words:
 
                                            He Came
                                            He Saw
                                            He Kicked-Fuckin'-ASS~ 
                                
 
                       Welcome Back Open Salon (It's about fucking time)
 
          

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Comments

Type your comment below:
ick...nice to see you back & yes it's been a long f'ing time.
xanex makes me nuts too...
I am so glad you used a cartoon picture of a mouse. I wouldn't have been able to read this if there had been a real picture. Now I'm never going to be able to take a Xanex.
Back in the saddle! I thought I told Kyle back there a ways not to fück with those damned Martian mice! Nobody listens to me anymore! Nobody!!
He must have the two milligram bars. They won't give them to me. I have a tendancy to overindulge and smash up cars and people.
Did the Spiders from Mars show up at any point?
Scanner ~ multiple days with no error messages....priceless!
What a headstone! This one goes under the Cool Category. Always great to see you, Kenny. R
HA! Nice to see you- glad to be back.
Drugs make the world so much different!

;-)

PS
Jonathan has been away for too long, it seems. Send him a simple set of instructions on how to post comments; that's "simple" now, y'hear?!
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Isn't this great~~If they would only fix the time it takes to comment, witch is exactly one hour and 15 minutes on my site, we would be back~Jake, please, you got this far, don't blow it and listen to Kerry. He's like Gilligan on a good day. Keep up the good work and thanks for the comments.
Isn't this great~~If they would only fix the time it takes to comment, which is exactly one hour and 15 minutes on my site, we would be back~Jake, please, you got this far, don't blow it and listen to Kerry. He's like Gilligan on a good day. Keep up the good work and thanks for the comments.
Isn't this great~~If they would only fix the time it takes to comment, which is exactly one hour and 15 minutes on my site, we would be back~Jake, please, you got this far, don't blow it and listen to Kerry. He's like Gilligan on a good day. Keep up the good work and thanks for the comments.
Isn't this great~~If they would only fix the time it takes to comment, which is exactly one hour and 15 minutes on my site, we would be back~Jake, please, you got this far, don't blow it and listen to Kerry. He's like Gilligan on a good day. Keep up the good work and thanks for the comments.
YIKES!!

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Easy as that.

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;-)
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Oh, I should mention that about once in 10 times you won't be able to scroll up - the page will be frozen. In that case, just click on the small "x" at the right end of the URL bar to release it. Then click on View Blog.

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