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NOVEMBER 22, 2010 12:41PM

A Little Time

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 Sometimes the idea of escaping to take a long holiday somewhere warm, relaxing and uncomplicated dominates my thoughts.  Sounds simple enough, but one problem with this is being unable to get away from the person who causes me the most anxiety and worry, who irritates and annoys me on many levels and puts me under pressure. To be able to totally feel at ease with the world, not thinking about tomorrow or drowning in guilt about the past is impossible when the person you’d like to escape from is yourself. As far as I’m aware that is not as yet a possibility. I can drive myself crazy contemplating the idea that the only time we can take a break from ourselves is when we’re asleep, but even then the weird dreams, the frequent restless nights of broken sleep are hardly a respite. The other alternative I try not to dwell on deliberately.

My second choice would be to take an extended break alone or with a friend. Time away from routine and humdrum, the opportunity to explore new territory and sample fresh experiences would certainly help top up my often depleted tank of enthusiasm for life. Family may come first and be much loved, but I’m not a believer in spending every minute of our time with the same people. My days have consisted of caring for home, parents, children and grandchildren for as far back as I can remember and apart from a very rare weekend away with a friend or a couple of days staying with my sister, I have spent all my time at home or away with my other half. However, the chances of taking any extensive time out are about as likely as the first preference.

I’m someone who tends to ponder imponderables rather than solving practical problems or worrying about the price of carrots. I believe I’m pretty gregarious by nature and find people and the way they tick fascinating. I’m very aware we are all individuals with differing needs and preferences and I hope on the whole I make allowances for that. But I do wonder if we as humans were designed to function as individuals or only to feel fulfilled when surrounded by others. I suspect a combination of both might be the norm, but I do believe it is every person’s birthright to claim some personal space, both physically and mentally.

Always being claustrophobic by nature means avoiding many crowded places as well as enclosed spaces, but there are added, though not unusual complications to this phobia. I cannot bear anyone walking behind me, being trapped in queues or despite my desire to escape myself, not being allowed enough time alone. Personal space has become a massive issue for me since retiring from teaching.  The thought I will probably never escape my daily life or my family for any longer than forty-eight hours can send me into panic mode; the prospect of never spending an evening alone for the rest of my life even more so.

When you live with someone who cannot understand the meaning of or need for space, it can make life almost unbearable at times. When your partner, no matter how good their intentions, never goes anywhere without you apart from a couple of rounds of golf a week, weather permitting, it leaves you screaming for some peace.  When they also cannot comprehend the idea that people outside of family can be trusted and valuable, it only adds fuel to the fire. When they think they have a right to interrogate your every move, investigate your belongings and invade your private business it becomes virtually intolerable. When a peck on the cheek from a male friend or a cross on the bottom of an e-mail you’ve sent become reasons for a cross examination, you feel anxious and paranoid about almost everything and anything you may or may not do.

The way to survive comes in the form of temporary escape. If you can rarely have any time alone at home, the only other alternative is to get away whenever possible.  The downside is of course, the sulking and interrogation that may follow and the knowledge it can only ever be for a short while. Permanent escape is not an option and not always the answer, no matter how strong the temptation at times. A little time alone, an occasional evening to yourself and an intermittent break away from it all would go a long way towards mending the situation. 

Living in hope does become a way of life however. I recall some years ago the revelation that one day we’d be able to chat with family and friends via the computer blew me away. Now it’s just a way of life. Maybe I’ll still be around when they invent cyber travel of some kind and can disappear into the ether for a long awaited vacation by myself. Even better if I can leave my physical presence at home so there’s no suspicion involved and the ultimate of pleasures if I can leave inside my head behind too. I told you I ponder imponderables didn’t I?




   I need a little time

To find myself

I need a little space

To work it out

I need a little room

All alone. 

A Little Time – The Beautiful South

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Oh Linda. You've certainly said a lot here. I relate to quite a bit of it - or I should say I used I've got my "alone time", though I don't suffer from any type of claustrophobia. It sounds to me, however, that when you say "when the person you’d like to escape from is yourself" that's not altogether true. You should NEVER be put under that much scrutiny/ interrogation/cross examination from those who supposedly love you.
Perhaps I'm reading into this but I don't think so.
PLEASE - you must see yourself as worthy. You've given so much you deserve alone time, you deserve to be treated with respect not with mistrust.
Sending you love.
I have always been able to escape the other as he never did harbor any mistrust of think for one minute that anyone else would ever want me. He felt secure in that, divorced, still does. Getting away from myself? I have thought about it. I am free to travel, but have not the money. I am such a dolt that every time the giveaway on Wheel of Fortune is somewhere north of where I am (which isn't often), I hold my breath the winner at home will be me. The other night, a trip to Vermont for skiing, well, they got the state right, but not the name. Usually their trips are tropical in nature and I wouldn't be caught dead in that region. Oh well, if I ever win, it will likely be one of those and I will give it to you and you take one of your friends for five days and four nights. How's that. I do know friend that the situation is more intense than that and all I can offer is a glimpse of hope too. But remember you are always in my thoughts and prayers and I kick myself regularly for not being able to get over to see you when you were here in the states in St. Louis! Love.
"Give Me Just A Little More Time"
Give me just a little more time
And our love will surely grow
Give me just a little more time
And our love will surely grow

Life's too short to make a mistake
Let's think of each other and hesitate
Young and impatient we may be
There's no need to act foolishly
If we part our hearts won't forget it
Years from now we'll surely regret it


You're young and you're in a hurry
You're eager for love but don't you worry
We both want the sweetness in life
But these things don't come overnight
Don't give up cos love's been slow
Boy, we're gonna succeed with another blow

Give me just a little more time
And our love will surely grow
Baby please baby
Baby please baby

Love is that mountain we must climb
Let's climb it together your hand in mine
We haven't known each other too long
But the feeling I have is oh so strong
I know we can make it there's no doubt
We owe it to ourselves to find it out


Give me just a little more time
And our love will surely grow
Baby, please baby
Baby, please baby

[Repeat And Fade]

*Go to my blog and save a library*
Well, we spend pretty much all our time together, but that's the way we want it. However, having been in a different kind of relationship once upon a (horrible) time, I understand exactly what you mean.
Linda, I'm not skilled at pondering imponderables OR solving problems, but exploring some unknown place with you would be fun, I am sure.
We're all full of contradictions, and I kind of like that about the human race. Even if it drives us to distraction, or extinction.
You have certainly said a lot tonight, and we've chatted about most of it before. It's such a shame that your husband has such a different conception of love - letting you do what you need, what you want, in order to prove his trust and love in you instead of tethering another human being so solidly to HIS definition of love that you are drowning. And he doesn't even see it. How can THAT be called love?
Trilogy - Thanks for your astute insight and I totally agree no one should be subjected to all the scrutiny. Unfortunately scutinisers don't see things the same way.

Past Voices - Thanks for the kind words. Lack of trust is a lousy thing to live with, but it's not all bad and I still have hope. Especially of winning the Lottery!

Elijah Rising - I know the song, but sadly am no longer young - except at heart. Thanks for dropping by.

Boanerges - I think it must feel wonderful to always want to be together. A special relationship indeed.

Dirndl - Contradictions and differences are what make people interesting. Making allowances for those differences is sadly something not everyone can do. Thanks for dropping by.

alfred - my ever faithful friend. I know you understand and your comment hits the nail on the head as usual. Thanks.
I will just say I love and understand you. If the cyber travel comes soon just know we'll be going somewhere warm and full of unselfish people.
I really enjoyed reading this. Nice getting to know you.
I enjoyed reading this very much. I have the need to go away with just my 4 best girlfriends twice a year. And now I am completely thankful that this has not been an issue in my relationship. He realizes I come back recharged and that is a good thing. I hope you find a way to carve out some time for yourself.
Just found this. Interesting and relatable. Best to you in your quest to find yourself as we all journey this middle life together.