While folks south of the border celebrate President’s Day, here in Ontario, Canada we are relishing in a fairly new provincial holiday called Family Day. Some feel the premier of this province instituted it for votes and they may be right. Regardless, the outcome works for me.

Today feels like Sunday instead of Monday and on my walk earlier I encountered people enjoying the cool but sunny weather; most of them were smiling.

My daughter has time off from school and later this week we are going on a couple of day trips. In order to do so, there are a few things I need to wrap up but hey, ... it’s a holiday and who feels like working on a holiday? Time to procrastinate.

So ... my girl and I were just talking about friendships. I relayed a recent story to her that I'm bit reticent to admit even to myself. I shared it because it is important for parents to share some of their struggles and frailties too. After all, we’re not superhuman and even though I think I know how to navigate the murky waters of relationships, I can still get caught in a whirlpool of emotions and this happened recently.

Since I am procrastinating, I’ll share. It’s a fairly old tale, and I’m guessing one most people can relate to. It goes something like this …

I have a friend I met about eight or nine years ago in a work situation. I left that particular job in 2008 but have often said this friendship was one of the best things to come of it. Generally, it has been my experience in work relationships although people say they will keep in touch, the effort often falls apart. This time was an anomaly because Suzanne and I did stay friends -- good friends. We share common interests, have travelled together, and I introduced her to a close community of mine.

I’d like to think that good energy renews itself and I guess that is what unfolded.

Recently I attended a function where Suzanne, and the folks I introduced her to, were present. Neither of us knew the other was attending. Of course we greeted each other as we usually would, with hugs etc. However, over the course of the time spent there, I recognized she was much tighter with them than I imagined. 

I came home and had to admit I wasn’t feeling all that great about it. Immature of me? Perhaps. I recognized a feeling I hadn't felt since high school or even grade school. Yuck. 

About a week after the community event, Suzanne invited me for lunch. Driving over to her place, I considered broaching the subject and my feelings around it.

As usual, she made me feel welcome, the Cappucino and nice sandwich with olives (she always has the best olives) she served, were delicious.

We sat for almost two hours and talked about many things. The words I wanted to say sat unformed on the tip of my tongue. In the end, I let them dissolve and disperse into thin air unspoken.

I chalked it up to: either I wasn’t ready to share my feelings, or some higher intuition decided whatever machinations I had about her developing closer relationships, were no threat to me. After all, how could fostering positive relationships be negative?

Now some would say if we were that good friends I would be free to talk about my hurt feelings. And I will continue to ask myself that question and roll it over in my mind.

Truth is, after speaking with my daughter about it this afternoon I feel better.

As a young woman, she knew exactly how I felt. We both agreed the feeling is irrational. Intellectually, it’s easy to understand that you can never possess or control another person’s actions; emotionally, it is a different story.

After hearing my story, she summed it up,

“Oh, those feelings. They suck!!”

 Sometimes it’s as simple as that. 

© Scarlett Sumac 2012