"Mom, what's a pagan?", my son asked when I walked in the door from work yesterday. I thought he was studying something in history. Trying to give my best off-the-cuff definition of a pagan, I explained that it was a broad term used to describe people who were non-Christians. 

When I asked him why he wanted to know, he explained that someone on the bus asked him what religion he was. Since we do not attend church on Sunday, he did not know what to answer. He told the boy that he did not go to church and did not have a defined religion. Instantly, this boy labeled my son a pagan. 

We live in a rural part of New Jersey. Most people in town attend either the Presbyterian church or one of the Baptist churches. All in all, it's a very Protestant area. There is a Catholic church in town, although it is less popular than a larger Catholic church several towns away, and much less popular than the Protestant churches. 

My son was baptized in the Catholic church, but we did not attend after that. I was raised Catholic in a rather liberal southern Catholic church. The bishop at the time allowed the priests to speak their minds and have a lot of freedom in how Mass was conducted. I have never found a similar experience in another Catholic diocese. After moving to New Jersey, I rarely went to Mass. 

In my neighborhood is a small Baptist church. For a few months, I tried to go there because it was convenient and the people seemed nice. I thought it would be nice for my son to have some Sunday school, like what I had when I was a kid. The Baptist church was more than I bargained for. I became upset when I heard the pastor frequently speak about politics during his sermon. He said that God knew who we were voting for and we were responsible in the voting booth for making sure that God's law became man's law. The final straw came one rainy Sunday. I had to walk out when the pastor claimed that victims of the Indian tsunami went to hell because they were mostly Muslims. When the words came out of his mouth, I felt a rage rise in me that lifted me out of the pew. I thought of all the Indian and Indonesian fathers and mothers crying after the tsunami on the television news. Crying for their lost families and crying because their hearts were broken. I felt indignant that this pastor could slight the victims of a disaster beyond their control. Who was he to say that God did not love and care for these people? It was then that I realized exactly how intolerant and spiteful some religions could be. I slammed the door behind me and haven't been back to church since then.  

So my son is confused how to label himself in a community full of church goers. I believe in God  but I have a hard time finding God in organized religion. When I was young, I went to church every Sunday. Granny got us up and made sure my sister and I were in the pew every Sunday. My son has not really had that same experience on a regular basis.

I told my son that just because we don't attend church doesn't make us pagans. We had a discussion of the three major monotheistic religions and other religions, as well. I told him that we believe in God, we just don't belong to any church. It's difficult to explain the purpose of religion to a thirteen-year-old. It has to be hard for him to be a non-churchgoing kid who wants to fit in at school, in a town full of churchgoers. I feel a similarly indignant that children at my son's school want to label him as a pagan because he does not belong to one of the local churches. Not going to church does not equal pagan.

Being proud of one's religion is one thing, but it should not extend to teaching one's children to seek out and put down people who do not adhere to the beliefs of that one particular church. I told my son that he should tell this kid that it's none of his business what religion we are. If he persists, ask what religion he is. When the boy answers "Christian", respond that he doesn't act like one. Christ didn't make a point of seeking out and belittling people for not going to church every Sunday. Christ made a point of hanging out with the un-cool people, the tax collectors, fishermen and prostitutes. He led by example and not by coercion, from what I've read. He seemed more concerned that we give up materialism and vanity in order to better help the sick and the poor. To me, all religions have validity and I believe people have to find their own personal path to follow. It is no one's place to judge or condemn.

 Today, my son and I took a walk in the falling snow. I want him to see that God is everywhere and not confined to a building. He never needs a priest or a pastor to be near to God. He doesn't need his peers' approval or a label to be near to God. 

There is beauty and grace all around us. 

I have often worried that I am raising a heathen by not taking my son to church. After this, I think not going to church is the better choice if going to church produces children who attack others for their beliefs.