Over time I have encountered this question and have not been able to arrive at a satisfactory answer for myself, so I continue to discard it like I would a wilted, soggy, brown-edged piece of lettuce that has no place on a hot, juicy, grilled Swiss cheese burger.
It just occurred to me why - I am still raw, I am not done.
To define something, or for me to define myself, would mean that I am at an end, that where I am now is where I will stay, but that would be an untruth because I change. Life changes me. Life redirects my thoughts and emotions and feelings to new places where I never imagined I would go.
When I was six I watched "Cinderella" on our black and white TV with Lesley Ann Warren playing the role. I immediately fell in love, becoming enchanted with the idea that no matter what happens in life you will always be rescued in the end. I didn't know at that time why I loved that movie so much but what I was to learn over the next 50 years was that rescue doesn't come in the form of a handsome, kind, brave man riding a white stallion, it comes from within. I had to rescue myself. In order to do that, I had to change.
Marriage, children, divorce, single parenting, home ownership, work, pets, family, ex-boyfriends, ex-jobs, ex-friends, death. I had to reconfigure my ideals, values, dreams, desires, and usually not in my favor as I was not floating happily along in my own pretty bubble, but I had to adapt to survive.
So the best word that I have come up to define myself is "fluid" - not fixed, not stable, not done, but able to change at a steady rate when acted upon by force.
That word satisfies me.