My ultimate goal is to become a high school social studies teacher. I received word today that I passed the CBEST (a few weeks ago having learned of my passing of the Praxis). With passing scores on these two tests I have a much higher chance of getting into a graduate program, and within a year and a half or so of today, I could have my teaching license. Two years from today I could very well be grading papers, or you know, writing a blog about grading papers.
Lets say I apply for graduate school and get in. I will most likely begin the Monday following my graduation in June. I will have a day of freedom, which will most likely be filled with moving my belongings (to Portland, Salem maybe, or, as a last resort - Ashland). From then until sometime between mid-April and June I will student teach, learn to make lesson plans, and do all the other things necessary to earn my license. If all goes according to plan, I will have my own classroom that September. I will settle into the routine that will largely guide the rest of my life. This is where the fear comes in.
Will I be ready to join the real world so soon? I am terrified about this. I'm sure I will make an (at least) alright teacher. I'm not worried about that. Its the idea that two years from now I could very well be doing the same thing as I will be doing forty years from now. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure other things will happen to fall into my routine of getting up and going to the school, teaching, coming home and grading papers - getting married, making babies, that sort of thing. But the core of the day will remain the same.
It isn't that I don't want to teach. I cannot imagine myself doing anything else. Other jobs appeal to me, but I don't feel drawn to them. People talk about being "called" to do something - usually religous, but not always. I think this is sort of like that. Its something I feel like I have to do. My question is - am I ready for this?
I could put off grad school and apply a year from now. 25 seems like a more acceptable age for a first-year teacher than 24 (it just sounds so young). What would I gain in that year off? It would be the first year of my life not getting up in the morning and going to a school of some sort since I started preschool at age 3.
When it is all said and done, the only thing that stops me from filling out my applications right now is fear. I am utterly terrifed to send them in. I am sure at least one school will accept me out, that isn't what I'm worried about. I'm afraid of being accepted. Being accepted means moving from everything and everyone I have known for the last four and a half years. It means meeting new people, something I have never been good at, being painfully shy to the point of people thinking I am a rotten bitch when they first meet me. It means the last year of my formal education and then being thrown to the wolves to see how well I survive.
The terror I feel will likely still be there if I put off grad school for another year. I can try to hide from it, but eventually I will have to face it. I try to heed Franklin Delano Roosevelt's eternal words, that "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself," but I feel as though I am miserably falling short. I can't hide from the future anymore than I can hide from my own reflection when looking in a mirror.
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Diary of a Hopeful Starving Student
littleboxofspoons
Hildy Johnson
Kerry Lauerman
Joan Walsh
Salon.com
Comments
Teaching is my second career, and this is my fifth year of teaching. This year is make or break in terms of my teaching career. This is a milestone to achieve because many new teachers leave the profession within the first five years of teaching.
When I first chose to teach, I was incredibly excited and eager to begin. I had so many ideas from my first career that I wanted to apply in the classroom. I am grateful that from my very first interview before I began my first academic year of teaching, that I knew from the moment I stepped into the classroom that I was in the place where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do, and surrounded by the people that I wanted to spend time with. That was a blessing and helped enormously during my first year.
"Beginnings are sometimes scary, and endings are usually sad. It's what happens in the middle that's most important."
Try to look ahead and keep moving forward. Best wishes.
Hope
Sixteen years later, I'd start by saying this: no worries about doing the same thing for forty years. Teaching high school is not even the same two days in a row; your students will see to that. And your administrators will help, too. I started teaching with a degree in Language Arts and History. My first year, I taught 9th and 10th grade English and some language arts electives. This semester, I am teaching American History, American Government, International Affairs, Speech Communication and Drama.
That aside, let me tell you part of my story. I entered a PhD track program a year after undergrad which meant I would be teaching a 101 course at a major university to earn my graduate stipend + tuition. I was a handed a textbook, a roster of 120 students and a schedule for my class sessions. Terrifying!
All semester, the students - mostly 18 year old freshmen and sophomores with the occasional upperclassman mixed in - bugged me to know how old I was. I turned 24 mid-semester. I was sure that if they knew how young I actually was, the jig would be up! I would lose all control of the classroom (not that I had much to begin with). When the semester's end came and I told them, "24," there was a horrified silence in the room. Ah, my instincts had been spot on, I thought.
Then a plaintive voice piped up from the back row, "Gosh, we had no idea you were THAT old." I now commanded instant respect. Who saw that one coming?!
So, too young? Look at it from their perspective - you're ancient already, heading quickly for fossilized.
Maybe there are some fun jobs or blow-off jobs out there for you to hang out in, just for laughs.
Life is so long. There is more than enough time for a serious career and some zany adventures too.
I know a lot of young professionals with advanced degrees who wished they did this.
You might consider getting a job as a teaching assistant in a public school. It is impossible to know from the outside whether you will like a particular career. If you want to take a walk on the wild side, consider a couple of years in the Peace Corps.
People do all sorts of things before they teach. Some have entire careers in other fields before they teach. Again, there is no rush. I never went to college until I was 25 years old. Though a native (fourth generation) Oregonian, after high school I lived in Washington, Florida, North Carolina, Virginia, and Alaska.
Perhaps if you get some wider life experience you'll be a better teacher, if you decide to go into that field. Best wishes.