I sit here reviewing my entire semester assignments for my 3 classes. I am on the precipice of either a great fall or an enormous leap forward. I can’t decide which.
I see an image of myself. . .I am studying in my free time, actually finding a way to read. I am working and confident.
I want that to be who I am. I have seen glimpses of this woman. For some reason I cannot fathom, she is wearing a pink skirt suit with an up-do in one image, and her long, brown hair flowing around her tank top and shorts, sans shoes, in another. I see her laughing. I hear her amusement, feel her passion, sense her warmth.
I want to be her. I long for it.
But I am here, trying to find a way to work 2 part time jobs while I go to school full time. I want to be free. I lament over the unfairness of our world, and wonder how I could possibly change it.
The idealist in me cannot relent.
Is that why I feel the need to learn more, study harder, increase my education? What is my purpose? To what end am I struggling toward? People scoff at the idea of a bleeding heart liberal. Is this a fair assessment of me?
I want to believe that I will find myself as that woman.