I never said it was going to be pretty all the time. I never told you that. I merely suggested to you that it would be a good life. If you had listened to me from the beginning, things might, would have been better now. Okay, maybe they might have been better. Does it really matter anymore? If you had eaten right, excercised more, lived a cleaner, clearer life, done what you were told; it might have been better. Maybe not for you, but for the physical you.
Would you trade it or change it if you could? I am thinking not, you had too much damn fun, didn't you?
They make such a distinction here, about the you and the you. The outside you that everyone sees and thinks they know, and the inside you that you know and think you know. Yes, you think you know you, but sometimes even you don't know you. I imagine you are confused now. It was a worthy life, a life you struggled in, but one that brought you a lot of pleasure, pride and many ways, peace. But you kept running around and saying you were undone.
What the hell? Everyone said, "What are you undone about, that you think you didn't get done?" I knew what it was, but I wasn't saying. You kept it all inside of you burning a hole right through the floor of your being to the part of your soul that should have had the peace.
I can't tell you how many times that happens to a someone. A someone such as you, me. Everytime I come back, we go through the same process of learning, mostly it is like you are catching on, finally, then still, you think of something that isn't right and you want to come right back down here again and start the whole thing all over.
All I can say is You did do the good. You were the good. I believe it is just that way with people like you, us, me that you can't ever see the good you did. You long to be told, but the works don't speak to you. They speak to others, they are the silent monuments, like the General Grants on the horse in the park. They just stand and people know. But you don't know, because you were always looking to do better, to do more good.
You know you can't keep coming back here, you know that you get to rest after a time. I know it, you know it. Sometimes I have seen it, that look in your eyes, that you know it. You know, you did what you set out to do, when you were doing helpful things, you just didn't know it, but you have seen the end result, and so did He.
The Sunset
Stage 1
This is a painting that is in it's first stages. As it evolves and defines itself, it is not unlike a life. Last year I thought I would do a lot of painting when my son went overseas to study, that same month my sister died. I never did do any painting. As I come up on that anniversary, I am picking up the brush again. It has been a long time.
Copyright 2011 by SheilaTGTG55
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Comments
♥R
l'Heure: Thanks for visiting. I know I think I am still reliving the shock of her death. It was so unexpected.
My love. And a long ... very long ... and heartfelt hug, friend. Take care.
Jon: It has been under the surface all these months I think.
I cannot believe it has been a year already.
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Rated.
Painting the Stars: I am seeking a kind of peace. I am trying to tell myself that it has a meaning and that sense will come of both our lives, but you know, that is elusive.
Scylla: Thank you so much. It is a hard pain, one that turns out to be hurting more than I once thought.
Rita: I have more trouble than most in communicating sometimes. I know that might be hard for some to understand but I found that silence often keep the water smooth and the boat afloat. Now I wonder if a few storms might have been better for all of us.
Scanner: You have taught a lot here, more than you know, I think. You are a good friend too.
Bellwether: Yes, you are right. I am going to focus on that for a while I think, just being creative. I need to get something out there.
Rated with a Jali Smile. :-)
I'm sorry you've lost your sister.
I have loved ones like what you write of her here, my heart is full of grace for having them at all, yet there is a heaviness there anyway, every way...
Just Thinking: Thank you your words mean a great deal.