I got thinking about babies today.

Specifically, I got thinking about mine. He's not here yet, the Wonderpony, but we're only a few weeks away. With February fast approaching, I realized, "Holy shite, Shel, you got to get the boy some learnin' and fast". So, I started thinking: What should every… Read full post »

Boy, this is turning out to be a bad idea.

At the time, it seemed harmless enough. Build a snowman, give him a magic hat, watch him come to life, frivolity ensues. I was all set for hysterical quips and skimming down snow-covered hills on his back. I thought we'd… Read full post »

Well done, madam. Well done indeed.

You are fully invested in the holiday, and I for one salute you. It's not everyone who has, dare I say, the balls to leave one's house with a giant turkey on their sweatshirt. But you, my friend, obviously swim against the stream of the… Read full post »

How was your day?

Odd.

What do you mean?

I mean, odd. A guy at work gave me a potato.

A potato.

Yep.

Like a potato potato?

Yeah. A potato potato.

Like a baked potato?

No, like a raw potato.

He gave you a raw potato.

Yes, he gave me a raw potato.… Read full post »

Dear Current and/or Past Parents of Various Peoples,

First off, thank you for your well wishes regarding the news of the Wonderpony. It's hard to believe the wee lad will be here in just a couple of months. Mrs. Wonderhorse and I are very excited, and are looking at this as… Read full post »

Real-estate mogul / possible presidential candidate Donald Trump held a press-conference this morning to announce that he had a bowl of cereal for breakfast.

"Today is a great day," Trump said, while fighting a stiff northeasterly wind. "This morning, I consumed an entire bowl of Cookie Crisp, which… Read full post »

(AP) Evanston, IL - An Evanston family was devastated to learn yesterday that their "special" child was actually, in fact, completely unspecial.

"We were shocked," said Margaret Thompson, 45. "We could have sworn little Preston was completely special. In fact, we've been telling him ever since he was… Read full post »

Oh, McRib. Welcome back.

I think I can say in all honesty, it's been at least 13 years since I've had one of these bad boys. Hey, McRib? Whaddya say we make it another 13 years, huh? I swear, I had one of these two days ago, and I still… Read full post »

Oh America. 

Why, why, WHY must you be the stereotypical battered girlfriend who constantly falls for the ol' "But baby, I've changed. I promise, it'll be different this time" line? It won't, and all you're going to end up with is a broken arm and a chipped tooth.  

Sure, there… Read full post »

I got thinking about balls today. Specifically, those belonging to Brett Favre.

Don't get me wrong - I don't usually spend a lot of time thinking about or picturing the scroticular region of men, not to mention future Hall of Fame quarterbacks. But this is different - I have no… Read full post »

Days after her debate with Chris Coons, Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell was surprised to discover that Missouri is actually a state.

"Where does it show that?", she asked. "Show me on a map where Missouri is a state".

When shown a map by an advisor, O'Donnell shrugged it o… Read full post »

Boy oh boy, that was a mistake.

I absolutely MUST stop going to the Waffle House at 2:00am.

I mean, seriously. I went out last night, ran into Axl Rose, and now here I am, sporting whiteguy corn-rows and have a mouth stained with boysenberry. The sad part is, with… Read full post »

I got thinking about pledges this morning.

For the most part, I like pledges. They tend to be nice little personal affirmations of "You know what, Chester? You make me feel a certain way, and as a result, I'm going to act like this in response" (Pledges also make your… Read full post »

So there it is.

The Future Mrs. Wonderhorse is now, simply, The Mrs. Wonderhorse. I've spent the last few months writing about the planning of the ceremony, and now that it's over, I feel it is time to bring the series to an end with a brief recap of the day's festivities.… Read full post »

Oh douchebags, is there no end to the joy you bring? You can tell fall is coming around the corner, because the Douchebag Harvest is in full swing.

Take for instance, Glen Beck. Sure he's an easy target, but just when you think he's hit the top of the Douchebag Index… Read full post »

This weekend marked the end of an era. An era that started 35 years ago in a small television studio in Chicago, and it went out just like it came in: quiet, unassuming, and with very little fanfare.

Sneak Previews first aired on September 4, 1975 on Chicago's PBS station WTTW… Read full post »

Shocking news out of Hollywood today that the new Julia Roberts movie Eat Pray Love will feature a scene in which the 43-year-old star laughs.

Since becoming a star with the 1990 hit Pretty Woman, Roberts has long been seen as an extremely serious actress who has never even cr… Read full post »

I got thinking about old girlfriends today.

As my bachelor days are winding down, I found myself flashing back on those that got me here. Those that made me act like a fool. Those that made me pull out more hair than I could afford. You know, those that had me… Read full post »

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Best Man Olympics! I'm your host, Biff Robinson, and I'll be giving you the play-by-play in this winner-takes-all competition to see who will have the honor of standing next to Sheldon the Wonderhorse during his quickly-approaching nuptials. Let's meet the contest… Read full post »

As I'm sure you have heard by now, a man was detained at a Mexico City airport after it was discovered he was smuggling 18 monkeys in his girdle.

Clearly, I have no idea how those monkeys got in there.

I was just minding my own business, making my… Read full post »

Bryan Ferry, the dapper frontman of the popular British band Roxy Music, was recently spotted in cutoffs, flip-flops and black socks. The usually besuited Ferry, aged 65, was seen last week strolling the aisles of a Walmart outside of Spokane, Washington, filling his cart with corndogs and discount m… Read full post »

To: The Citizens of the Milky Way and Everywhere Else

From: The Desk of Sheldon The Wonderhorse (not so much a desk as much as a couple of pillows propped up on the couch)

Dear Friends,

First off, I would like to thank you all for your patience over the last few weeks. I realize… Read full post »

I can't believe it. I simply can't believe it. It's unreal.

I've got CHUDs.

Again.

I really thought my CHUD problems were a thing of the past. You know, we moved  into the new house almost a year ago, and ever since then, not one CHUD. Yet, all of a… Read full post »

I've been pretty involved in the wedding planning so far. Frankly, I'm glad. It's been a good project for the two of us, and I realize this may be old fashioned of me, but I kind of like being around the Future Mrs. Wonderhorse.  I know a lot of grooms tend to… Read full post »

Look out, ladies. 

I'm heading out to the mall to scope chicks.

That's right. I'm going to plant myself firmly between the Orange Julius and the Lady Footlocker and scope the hell out of some chicks.  Let me tell you, you better just gird your loins, because you have… Read full post »