Sheldon The Wonderhorse

Eating Apples Since 1969
Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 15, 2008 11:10PM

Why Don't More Pimps Wear Sweaters?

Rate: 8 Flag

Earlier tonight, I was flipping around the dial, and came across "Chained Heat", a women's prison flick from 1983 starring Linda Blair, Sybil Danning, and John "Dean Wormer" Vernon. I've never seen this all the way through, and being a both a guy and a film fan, I just wanted to make it to the first shower scene. I think I had to wait all of 10 minutes. Say what you want about a movie called "Chained Heat" - it knows it's audience and what they're looking for. Plus, how can you beat this tag line: "White hot desire melts cold prison steel"? You bet it does.

If you're looking for a plot, from what I could tell Linda Blair is the innocent hero sent to the evil women's prison that John Vernon rules with an Iron Fist and, for some reason, Stella Stevens. Now, Stella is "dating" Henry Silva. First off, no one should ever date Henry Silva. The guy just exudes evil. I'm not sure exactly what his role in all of this is, but he seems to be some sort of pimp. But here's what's striking about Silva's character, Lester. He's not wearing a flashy suit, a big velvet hat with a peacock feather. He's not all tricked out in gold.

He's wearing a sweater.

A regular old fashioned Pat Boone sweater.

And, I gotta say, it worked.

It made him a little less smarmy, dressing him in that sweater. A little more benign. But it's Henry Silva, so you know he probably has a razor in his shoe, but still. It's a sweater. I don't know - he came off as only slightly less violence-prone as, say, Bing Crosby. And trust me, Bing would have no problem taking a nine-iron upside your head. He wouldn't even blink. 

Now, don't get me wrong - I love the flash. Anyone who can pull off the three-piece lime green satin suit with the two-tone platform shoes look already has my respect. That is clearly a man who knows and loves what he does. But there is something about the casual Friday approach to pimping  that I find somewhat endearing. Personally, I think you can't go wrong with a nice cable-knit or perhaps a jaunty argyle from Macy's. Just stay away from the sweater vest. 

Don't want to look like a pussy. 

Author tags:

pimps, sweaters, christmas

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
pimps get a bad press pretty consistently, so i file them under 'bad' with an *. i put an asterisk on anything i get from the media, till i get some personal experience.

the 'sweater vest', properly called a cardigan, on the other hand, is an area where i do have experience. they are functional, cheap if you have a ho that can knit in between tricks, and give an enterprising street manager that academic look that causes coppers to moderate their cut, out of respect for the upper class..
"Why Don't More Pimps Wear Sweaters"

With a title like that how could I resist? Very funny.
Sheldon, it's clearly outlined in "The Pimp's Guide to Style":

Rule 14: No knits are allowed. Except for the kind spelled 'Nits', in which case you need to get your ass to drug store for a bottle of 'Rid'.
Thanks for the info, Catamite. I usually stick with "Nit-B-Gone", but I'm always looking for a good substitute. I believe you are correct, Brakajima - cardigans tend to have sleeves. Unclear post on my part - I meant the sleeveless variety of sweater. Unless you are Chandler from "Friends" or work for LLBean, I find the sweater vest a tough look to pull off properly without coming across as semi-retarded.
Hey........I like sweater vests.

How about that scene in the The Three Amigos, in the hot desert, a villain leader's men give him a sweater as a gift.......
They always like to say that Motherhood is the second oldest profession behind prositution.

I do not ascribe to that theory, for, in order for said transaction to occur, the suitor needed to know where she was, and how much she was charging, and that was information.

Pimping was the first profession and has morphed into many flavors of same over the years.

I for example, am a market intelligence consultant that must share DNA with pimps. While it's a black pin stripe suit and wing tips, it still stands out these days.

And I do own a 1976 Eldorado Convertible that any self respecting pimp would kill to have in his garage.

Good stuff, as usual. I always laugh my ass off.
A '76 Eldorado Convertible? That's what I like about you, Wool. You are just bad-ass old school.
Caridgans have sleeves. Sweater vests do not. Ask Mr. Rogers.
Fred Rogers was a BIG TIME pimp.
LMFAO Sheldon, I watched it last night too! ROFLMFAO! And I thought to myself, I bet NO ONE besides me is watching the B-Movie classic!

Pimps should wear a sweater, turtle neck at that, and big BLING on it. The solid sweaters show off the BLING!!!!!

"You're wearing a Cosby sweater, A COSBY SWEATER!" - Jack Black to John Cusack in "High Fidelity"

Evil in a sweater, a menace I had never considered. It's on my list now. Thanks. Rated.