I've been thinking about ghosts. Not your everyday Casper the Friendly types. No, I've been thinking about those nasty buggers that make you wonder who you're gonna call. 

I don't know if they exist or not, but I kind of hope they do. It's somewhat comforting to know that long after I'm gone, I can keep coming back to annoy my fiancee and other loved ones. It will be like I never left.  

"Dammit, how did this toilet seat get left up again?!"

"Boo"

"Oh Christ, you're still here? Please... just give me five minutes to myself. And would it kill you to give me a courtesy flush? That would be nice".

Ah, good times.  

Like I said, I don't know if ghosts exist or not, but to quote Fox Mulder (geek alert): I want to believe. When I was nine, we were living in southern Missouri, which as a side-note, I really don't recommend. All I really remember is a lot cotton and a heat & humidity level that would actually make your sweat glands implode. Anyway, we were living in southern Missouri, and my room was in the basement. So, I'm down there one day playing with my Star Wars guys (translation: having Luke and Princess Leia do it. This was before "Empire", so I had no idea they were actually committing a felony in every state BUT Missouri), and I can feel like I'm being watched. I looked up, and there is this creepy old guy looking at me. I could see right through him, and he was just standing there, staring at me. We have this pretty intense stare-down, then he turns and walks right through the mirror.  I never saw him again, but it always stuck with me. So, yeah, maybe I saw a ghost. Or maybe I was just hopped up on Mountain Dew and Pixie Stix - I was nine after all, and the odds are definitely good that that was the case. 

Since then, I've always been fascinated by horror stories and movies, and general ghostlyness. I thought "The Amityville Horror" was the scariest thing I had ever read when I was a pre-teen. I didn't care if it was a hoax or not - it was a damned good story. I was scared shiteless by "The Exorcist" and "Halloween" and loved every minute of it. Anything that was remotely creepy, I would check out. The creepier, the better.

When I was living in Chicago, I had, like a lot of people, illegal cable. Don't judge me: it's not my fault that the previous tenants didn't have it shut off. Anyway, the cable company found out, and shut it down, and since I had no money, I did without. However, since moving in with my girlfriend, cable is now part of our daily lives (legal, even). What does this have to do with ghosts and horror? Let me tell you.

There are approximately 250 shows that deal with people going out ghost hunting.

You got your "Ghost Hunters", you've got your "Ghost Hunters International". There's "Paranormal State", which is better than "Paranormal University" because then everyone would call it "P.U", and trust me, nobody would watch that. Other than me. Anyway, there's "MonsterQuest", there's "Unexplained", there's game shows "Scare Tactics" and "Estate of Panic", and the list goes on and on. But by far the most enjoyable one out there is "Ghost Adventures". 

"Ghost Adventures" is, for some reason, on the Travel Channel. Basically, you have your host, a steroid-bloated meathead and his two frat buddies who go around to places that are supposedly haunted and lock themselves in the place overnight to see what happens. It may be the funniest show on television right now. The host is a complete tool, and the other two goofballs are complete non-entities. I'm not sure what qualifications a person needs to have ghost adventures - apparently, just a camera, because these idiots don't have any other skills. The cameraguy is seemingly the only one who is qualified to put a duct-taped "X" on the floor, because whenever an "X" is needed, the host takes the camera away from him, just so he can put that all-important "X" down. It's a sad state of affairs when you don't have the basic skills to rip off tape. Good to know someone is there to watch his back. So, now it's on to the ghost hunting. But, see these guys, they're different. They're not ghost hunters. They are ghost ADVENTURERS! They don't just go and experience. They go in with the sole purpose of antagonizing whatever ghosts may be around. That's right: they are there to piss the ghosts off. I swear to God, this sentence is repeated on every episode:

"Come ON, GHOST! I'm right here! Come on out, if you got the balls!"

Well first off, just being a ghost pretty much assures you that they have no balls, but that's neither here nor there. Essentially, it's an hour of 'roid rage aimed at the undead. BUT, when they actually do make contact - they all run away screaming. This sentence is also repeated on ever episode immediately following the previous sentence:

"EEEEK! Something touched me! Get it off me, broham! Something touched my leg!!" 

Basically, it's a lot of posing and posturing and "brohams" until the shite starts going down, then it becomes a the sterotypical 1950's housewife dealing with a mouse on the loose. All they need is a table to stand on top of.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO0JxqRrRR0 

It's all told in very serious tones. That is, until the screaming starts. Which oddly enough, is when the show becomes the most enjoyable. It's basically every asshole fratboy I went to college with.

Me? I'm rooting for the ghost.