I've been thinking about mustaches.

I kind of like mustaches. I think they tend to get a bad rap. People see your average mustache, and they think 1. Tom Selleck in all of his 80's glory; 2. Chicago Bears coach and/or fan; or 3.Porn star. Yeah, porn really did no favors to the mustache. One of the things I like about the mustache is there are so many varieties of mustache to choose from.

You have your Magnum/Coach/Porn-star as mentioned above.

This mustache says, "Hey, look at me. I like loudly printed shirts and I drive a really cool car. In my spare time, I coach football. Oh, and did I mention, I'm hung like a moose?" I could really get behind a mustache like that.

Then you have your Cowboy mustache

The future Mrs. Wonderhorse has a thing for Sam Elliot. She would literally get weak at the knees whenever one of those "Beef - It's What's for Dinner" commercials would come on and have to sit down in front of a fan for awhile.  I kind of get it. He's got that freakishly deep voice and the Mustache that Ate El Paso. That 'stache says, "Yeah, I may wear a purple scarf, but I will kick your granny in the face if you double cross me. By the way, eat some beef". I'm not nearly tough enough to pull this one off. But, I do like steak.

Then there is one of my personal favorites, the Pencil Thin

The pencil-thin is an enigma. You never know what you're going to get when you get mixed up with a pencil-thin mustache. You could very easily end up with a snooty French waiter and walk away depressed because of your obvious lack of taste that he has no problem pointing out to you. Or, you could end up with the rakish pencil-thin like John Waters. On Mr. Waters, it's a fun and adventurous choice. One look at him, and you know that you are going to find yourself  having the time of your life in an abandoned butcher shop in West Baltimore doing jello shots with a drag queen named Miss Fits. That's what I like about the pencil-thin: versatility. Plus you grow out the tips a little and turn them up, you can be Salvador Dali.

Then there is The One That Will Never Be Seen Again.

This was an interesting look - the Half'stache. Unfortunately, it was adopted by that horrible German guy, and that was pretty much it for this one. Probably the less said about it, the better.

I have to say, though, if I was going to go the mustache route, I would really want to make a statement. Something that would tell people who I am and what I represent. I give you the Balls Out Mustache.

This is a guy who knows what time it is. He looked at the Pringles can and said, "Shit, I can outdo that". That's what I like about this mustache. It's all about thinking big. Plus, he's got a jaunty hat that really accentuates the style. Fashion note, fellas: every season is the right season for a jaunty hat.

Every year I grow a beard, usually right after Thanksgiving and keep it until just after the first of the year. I like it, and nothing says Christmas better than a nice beard. The future Mrs. Wonderhorse hates it. It creeps her out. Something about how I look like her dad when I have it. Creepy as it may be, I'm going to keep doing it. Yes, there is more and more gray in it every year, but I don't care. Maybe one of these days, I'll be a little more adventurous and go with the simple mustache. I had one when I was a kid, and frankly, I always thought I made it work: