I got thinking about gravy today.
We're getting to that time of year when gravy really shines. I tell you, mid-July, I damn near forget gravy even exists. But come late October, I know my gravy intake is getting close to doubling. I don't know what it is about the approaching snow that says "Gravy", but it does, and I for one am happy about that. By mid-November, the Universal Gravy Index (UGI) is shooting up, and by Christmas, it's completely off the scale.
You know what's good? Gravy. You know what's really good? Gravy smothered with gravy. Sometimes, I'll find myself sitting there, enjoying a nice bowl of Count Chocula, and I think, "Boy, this is some pretty tasty Count Chocula. You know what would make it better? GRAVY.". You ever have an orange dipped in gravy? It's like gravy-covered vitamin C.
I'm not a coffee drinker, but I find the Mr. Coffee could just as well be called Mr. Gravy. Trust me, a shot of gravy before you leave the house will put a spring in your step and a song in your heart. It makes espresso look like baby formula.
I do have to admit, at one point back in the late-90's, I found myself battling a pretty nasty gravy habit. At my worst, I was doing about 2 liters of gravy a day. I started to suspect I had a problem when I found myself at the local Dominicks ripping open gravy packets and swallowing the contents down like a gravy version of Lik-Em-Aid. Trust me, there wasn't a gravy boat around that I didn't stow away on. I finally hit bottom on November 27, 1998. I was broke, living alone, no girlfriend. no prospects. My parents surprised me with a drop-in-visit, and found me passed out in my living room, in my underpants, my mouth and chest stained brown, gravy paraphernalia spread out around me. Luckily, they brought me around, and realizing that I did indeed have a problem, sought help. I have had my gravy addiction under control ever since.
That's not to say I don't struggle. I could very easily head home tonight and whip up a nice gravy, but I know I can't. I know that it is a slippery gravy-covered slope, but 10 years after bottoming out, I do feel like I have it under control.
Happy Gravy Eating, everbody!
Now, where's that watergate salad?
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Joan Wilder
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Comments
He was in the infantry.
Tiger - Thanks!
Julie - I reserve the right to shoot any person who does that feast upon their bones.
OE - Yeah, I hear Korea was a real lowpoint for the Gravy Movement.
Mad - GravyWorks. I believe that was a band back in the 80's.
Jeanette - You lost me on "nutritional". You really lost me on "yeast".
Owl - Maybe you're just gravy intollerant.
Gravy: one of the most profound creations of humankind!
If you ever have an overwhelming urge to use again, see if you can find a Gravy Anonymous meeting in your neighborhood. Just call 1-800-GRAVYHO, they can help.
It didn't help.
The takeout pizza and kebab places made a LOT of deliveries on Sunday nights to our school.
As always... great writing.
There was a place in Philly called Diner on the Square (or DOTs). Don't know if its still there but they poured brown gravy over fries and nothing was better for a hangover. Nothing. With a Coke. God, I'd kill you for that dish right now. Gravy fries? No...brown fries, I think they were called.
Bad gravy - the stuff at Swiss Chalet. bluegh