To: The Citizens of the Milky Way and Everywhere Else
From: The Desk of Sheldon The Wonderhorse (not so much a desk as much as a couple of pillows propped up on the couch)
First off, I would like to thank you all for your patience over the last few weeks. I realize there has been much speculation lately on my future, and even I am amazed at the interest you have all taken in this circus. It is true that I currently am indeed being pulled in many different directions, yet I can see the upside to the many different options and opportunities that are coming my way. It has been a stressful time for myself and my family, and it has caused many many hours of reflection and pondering.
Therefore, I am pleased to announce that I will be hosting an hour-long special tonight on ESPN2, in which I will formally announce my decision regarding my future dinner plans: tacos or chicken nuggets.
Truth be told, there is much to be said for both of these outstanding options. In fact, this has been one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, and believe me, it is not one I have entered into lightly.
On the one hand, tacos are quite a delicious choice. They are crunchy, filled with juicy meat and sauce, and can be topped with a dollop of sour cream. As everyone knows, pretty much anything spicy is made even better with a dollop of sour cream. If I go the taco route, the possibilities truly are endless - soft shell, hard shell, stand up shell, flour tortilla. I could go on and on. Did I mention shredded cheese? Show me something that's not improved with shredded cheese.
On the other hand, some days just cry out for chicken nuggets. They are comfortable, tasty, and a time-honored tradition. Some have made the arguement that the nuggets are a better fit - they are much more flexible. I could enjoy them with tater tots or beans. They can be dipped in various sauces - BBQ, buffalo, honey-mustard. They can even be stacked - the list of stackable food is surprisingly short. I concede they have a versatility that is almost unmatched.
You can see the quandry I have found myself in. As I said, this has not been an easy decision, but I truly do believe that I have chosen the right path. I have nothing but the utmost respect for both of these fine food options, and I hope that once this has all settled down, all involved parties will come to the conclusion that I have, and it was made from a place of honesty and love.
In the meantime, I ask that you respect our privacy in the hours preceeding the special. I will be available for statements following the special, but for only 10 minutes. I will want to jump immediately into my new future, and it takes awhile for the oven to heat up.
Love & Kisses,