So there it is.

The Future Mrs. Wonderhorse is now, simply, The Mrs. Wonderhorse. I've spent the last few months writing about the planning of the ceremony, and now that it's over, I feel it is time to bring the series to an end with a brief recap of the day's festivities. Hang on to your wigs and keys, boys & girls.

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3:00 am: Sheldon wakes up in a cold-sweat.

3:01 am: Sheldon realizes he has somehow made the air conditioner & heater function at the same time.  He spends the next 20 minutes pondering his potential as Master of the Time-Space Continuum, or as an HVAC repairman.

8:00 am: Sheldon jumps in the shower and gives his 20 pounds of dangling fury a good scrubbing.

8:35 am: Still scrubbing the dangling fury.

8:55 am: Sheldon, trying to remember the last time he wore a necktie, struggles to create a windsor knot. Decides to skip it alltogether, and staples tie to chest.

9:00 am: Sheldon arrives at the site of the ceremony. Realizes immediately that he has walked out without his pants. Again.

9:37 am: Sheldon re-arrives at the site of the ceremony, this time wearing pants. Realizes he's now missing his shirt. Says "Screw it", and pulls his suspenders up over his bare shoulders and decides to go with the Junior Samples look.

9:54am: Sheldon is asked for the 106th time "Are you nervous yet?". He decides that the next person who asks him that will be punched in the face. Unfortunately, fate doesn't work in Great Grandma Wonderhorse's favor.

10:03 am: The wedding party gathers for the traditional Wonderhorse EggNogg Gargle.

10:04 am: The best man realizes it is a silly tradition as he clutches his stomach in what later proves to be a nasty case of salmonella.

10:27 am: Bea Arthur begains wailing, "Shel! My Shel! I love you so much!", and is forcibly removed by a heroin-ravaged Mickey Rooney.

10:30 am: Sheldon performs the ceremonial Blowing of the Clown. You had to be there.

10:31 am: The Future Mrs. Wonderhorse starts walking down the aisle. Audience holds their breath, waiting for her to come to her senses and run.

10:52 am: The Future Mrs. Wonderhorse arrives at the altar.

10:57 am: The pastor asks if anyone objects to this marriage. A muffled Bea Arthur can be heard from the parking lot.

11:05 am: The maid of honor's mind briefly wonders what Snooki is doing at that very moment. Immediately realizes the answer is either A) getting drunk; or B) having some sort of vaginal wart lanced.

11:11 am: Sheldon completely forgets his vows, and in a moment of panic, recites The Pledge of Allegiance. The congregation stands. Cousin Jerry yells "Play Ball!" at the conclusion, and is immediately pelted with programs and used Kleenex.

11:17 am: They are pronounced Man and Wife, and the congregation applauds, with the exception of Mother-In-Law Wonderhorse who wonders where she went wrong.

12:00 pm: Sheldon and The Mrs. Wonderhorse arrive at the reception and begin the feast of Chicken Nuggets and Burritos.

12:47 pm: Sheldon and The Mrs. Wonderhorse have their first dance as man and wife to the melodic strains of Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries".

1:13 pm: The happy couple cuts the cake. They forego the humorous cake-face-smash, and go straight to the traditional breaking of the groom's toes with a hammer.

1:30 pm: The newleyweds hop into the Wonderhorsemobile, and drive off into the sunset, crying, "So long, suckers!"

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 Previous Installments:

The Nuptials: May the Best Man Win

The Nuptials: In Which We Speak of Rocks

The Nuptials: Putting the Ow in Vow

The Nuptials: Taking the Cake

The Nuptials: I'm With the Band

The Nuptials: Weeding Out the Weirdos