Oh America. 

Why, why, WHY must you be the stereotypical battered girlfriend who constantly falls for the ol' "But baby, I've changed. I promise, it'll be different this time" line? It won't, and all you're going to end up with is a broken arm and a chipped tooth.  

Sure, there were a few bright spots from last night's election returns: Delaware showed that it does indeed have the sense god gave a mule, so that was nice. Colorado now has a governor with simply the best last name ever. Nevada showed that the sun and desert heat hasn't completely melted their brains.  But for the most part, the evening was one big fat disappointment. Not an unforseen one, mind you, but a disappointment nonetheless. The thing is, it wasn't a disappointment because my side got their asses handed to them, really. No, what was most disappointing was the fact that the loudest and most obnoxious prevailed. That civil discourse and civil debate lost. I fear the phrase "The distinguished gentleman from blahdeblahblah now has the floor" can no longer be said with a straight face. I'm not expert on ettiquette, but I don't think you can refer to someone as a "distinguished gentleman" once that person has essientially condoned stomping on someone's head.

The big talking point last night was "The people have spoken". If I may, please remember "the people" have also kept Two & A Half Men on the air for a decade, so maybe "the people" have some taste issues that should be addressed.  

Here's a couple of things I'd like to throw out there:

Tea Party Freshmen: Congratulations. Well played. You tapped into something and rode the wave. Enjoy it, because, as I'm sure you are well aware, the people you represent are impatient, angry and fickle. If you don't turn the clock back to 1776 within the first 5 minutes of your term, they will be on you like stink on a pig. I believe you may be about to learn a lesson previously learned by Dr. Frankenstein - once the monster is off the table, it's almost impossible to get him to lay back down. Good luck. Oh, and not to be a cynic, but I give you all six months before one of you is indicted on corruption charges.

Republicans: Okay, here are the keys. Now, what are you going to do? Are you actually going to try to solve the problems or are you going to dig in your heels and continue being the obstructionist douchebagy know-it-all's that we've come to know you as? That's what I thought.

Democrats: Jaysus, you guys are pathetic. Seriously. Get a backbone and fight back a little, will you?  You know who has bigger balls than you? Everybody.

John Boehner: I know it's been said before, but really, what's the deal with your tint? Remember those orange slices your grandma used to keep in her candy dish? That's what your tears looked like last night. It was very creepy. I have a feeling we're going to be spending a fortune on de-staining gavels.

Harry Reid: You said basically "We need to work with the GOP".  Keep thinking that - that's worked out well for you so far. Here's the problem, Har - you say work with. GOP says work under. Slight difference.

Mitch McConnell: No offense, but you look exactly like Miss Prissy from the old Foghorn Leghorn cartoons.  It's impossible to take you seriously.

Christine O'Donnell: Congratulations - you gave the most surreal self-deluding concession speech I've ever heard. Just to remind you: you lost. As loser, you don't get to threaten the winner that they better do what you say.  

Kentucky: Congratulations, you've ensured that I will never visit your state.

So, congratulations, America. You "took your country back". From the looks of it, you can have it.