Sheldon The Wonderhorse

Eating Apples Since 1969
NOVEMBER 23, 2011 12:09PM

An Open Letter to The Woman Wearing the Turkey Shirt

Rate: 20 Flag

Well done, madam. Well done indeed.

You are fully invested in the holiday, and I for one salute you. It's not everyone who has, dare I say, the balls to leave one's house with a giant turkey on their sweatshirt. But you, my friend, obviously swim against the stream of the popular masses, and I can't help but admire that and congratulate you for your individuality.

I think for most people, Thanksgiving has become the Jan Brady of holidays. Not unloved, mind you, just kind of boring and average. Attractive in a homely sort of way. It doesn't have the cool aspect of Halloween or the zippy fun of Christmas. It just sits there in the middle of the two, trying to elbow it's way to the front of the line. Most of us would say "Give it up, Thanksgiving. It's never going to happen. Be happy you get the measly two end-caps at the Target".

But not you, madam. You clearly are wearing your turkey and wearing it proudly. I especially appreciate the google-eyes  you have affixed to said turkey's head. Correct me if I'm wrong, but do I espy actual feathers coming out it's hind-end? My word, you are working for the super A++ in arts and crafts, aren't you?

I know we've never met, but I can't help but imagine what your home looks like: garnished in blinking brown & orange lights, the traditional Thanksgiving shrub decorated with precious gravy boats and drumsticks, the ever-popular turkey waddle hung in the foyer (don't get caught under it or you have to clip your partner's toenails!).

I hate to be rude, but correct me if I'm wrong: you've dabbed a little stuffing behind each ear, haven't you? I knew it! You walked by, and I thought I got a faint whiff of celery and turkey orifice. And might I say, the shoes that are shaped like turkey feet are a lovely addition.

I'm sure there will be some people who point and laugh at you. Silently judge and make some snarky comment. Ignore them, Turkey Lady. This is your day - enjoy it. Take your love of Thanksgiving, and fly with the wind.

Author tags:

thanksgiving, turkey, humor

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Glad, oh so very glad, to see the Wonderhorse back in action. I always loved your entertaining, fun, amusing posts. "you've dabbed a little stuffing behind each ear, haven't you? " HA! This was fun.
I was going to buy a turkey shirt to wear while volunteering tomorrow. Now...
This is tongue-between-cheeks commentary if ever I've seen it.
I am seriously doing this -----> "...the ever-popular turkey waddle hung in the foyer (don't get caught under it or you have to clip your partner's toenails!). "

Oh, how I love me some Wonderhorse!
I guess I missed your triumphant return a few days ago, but let me say welcome back, and thanks for the laugh!
Thank you for noticing. ~r
Very enjoyable. I'm sure she thought she looked sexy in it. Rated.
I got caught under the turkey wattle last year and had to clip my partner's toenails. You can bet I'm going to be more careful this year!
I think we could all see that Jan Brady was a mental time bomb just waiting to erupt into a hedonistic orgy. Which is pretty much what Thanksgiving is. Belt-busting, booze-swilling, collapsing on the couch in exhaustion, cramming a year's worth of overindulgence into a few hours.
I'm laughing too hard to say that she reminds me of my Aunt Grace. She actually thinks she looks good in her seasonal attire and the one where the turkey's eyes move is just creepy. Relatives from 6 to 60 just look at each other when she exits the room - but - nobody says anything. Wouldn't dare. Good to see you back.
Hey Sheldon is Back! Cool. I too salute all those who dare to wear any type of them sweater. And Teddy Bears.
There was a walk/race in Fort Worth, where all participants were dressed as turkeys, hoping to set a Guiness Record. Poor things couldn't even see their own feet, big ugly turkey feet.
ahem. ThemE sweater that would be.
He's back!!!! Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop making fun of my mom. : o
You are a sick and twisted lad, wonder pony. Thanksgiving is NOT the also ran holiday, rather it is the best one out there. Always on the same day. Blow off Friday and get a long weekend. No expectations other than to show up and over eat.

Or buy some shit, cook it during football Thursday, and THEN just eat a bunch of crap for the rest of the week.

Halloween? Gotta buy candy for a bunch of ungrateful little ankle biters who ring your doorbell and mess up your evening.

Christmas? Sweet Jesus, but there are a few requirements for that little tribute to conspicuous consumption.

Not Thanksgiving. You gotta do squat.

Black Friday is for douche bags and trailer trash. I will be laying on my couch with my belt open trying to shovel one last half of a turkey/stuffing/mayonaisse/cranberry sauce sandwich into my mouth.
Oh, so glad to see The Sheldon back at it! Happy End-of-2011 to you all! XO, E