(AP) Evanston, IL - An Evanston family was devastated to learn yesterday that their "special" child was actually, in fact, completely unspecial.

"We were shocked," said Margaret Thompson, 45. "We could have sworn little Preston was completely special. In fact, we've been telling him ever since he was… Read full post »

*Today's post is by Great-Grandpa Wonderhorse, who is 106 and lactose-intollerant. 

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Way to go, Hollywood. You screwed me again.

I mean, I've seen a lot of bad movies, a lot of mismarketed movies in my time, but this one - whoo boy. You'd think, if yo… Read full post »

Really? How much?

No, seriously. How much?

 Really???

Um...I just want to make sure we're on the same page here. We're talking flour, water and sugar, right?

Okay, just wanted to make sure.

Tell me, though, is this some sort of magical cake? Does it have supernatural properties… Read full post »

I have to say, you are just rocking the shit out of that cubicle.

I just passed you on the way to heat up my soup, and my word, you are the Eric Clapton of cubicle-dwellers, my friend.

I've noticed that in your cube, you have nothing on the walls or… Read full post »

We've been friends for awhile now, right? I mean, I've been writing on OS for over a year, and I feel like we've become pretty close, no? We've shared some laughs, some tears, real confidant-type stuff. That's why I think it's time I share a little information with you. A secret kind of… Read full post »

Dear Members of Abba-Solution:

Thank you for offering to play at my upcoming wedding. While I appreciate your enthusiasm and your willingness to provide your own capes, unfortunately we will not be requiring your services.

Don't get me wrong, as far as Abba cover bands go, you are right up there.… Read full post »

Dear Texas,

How you doing? Everything going okay? That's good. Look, I'm not going to mince words here - I'm busy, you're busy, so let's just cut to the chase, shall we?

I'm dumping you.

I know, it probably hurts, but you can't say you didn't see this coming. We have… Read full post »

I'm feeling a bit reflective today. Winter is slowly settling down for a long summer's nap, the grass is starting to get a little greener, and birds have returned to the trees outside. Prime setting for a little reflection. I'm thinking, though, I may need something else. Something to give… Read full post »

I got thinking about weddings today.

Specifically, mine. A little backstory: A couple of years ago, I asked the (then) Potential Future Mrs. Wonderhorse if she would want to get all wedded. She said yes. Thinking ahead as I am wont to do, I realized I should probably be a little… Read full post »

Personally, I was shocked.

I mean, here I was, enjoying a night off from the theatre, taking in a little of the Olympics, and basically getting my relax on. The Future Mrs. Wonderhorse was off at a rehearsal of her own, and I was digging into my Hungry Man Salisbury Steak… Read full post »

I got thinking about douchebags today.

I know, I know. Some people don't like the word. Okay, dicks. Is that better? Jerks, assholes, pricks, call them whatever you want. As Shakespeare once said, "A douchebag by any other name still pisses me off". I may be paraphrasing there, but you get… Read full post »

I have to say, I'm pretty shocked.

I mean, I thought the two of you really had something. I guess I was wrong. In fact, there's no guessing about it. I was wrong. I was dead wrong. I was about as wrong as you can get. I don't know if it's… Read full post »

It's time for a change.

I've been thinking about this for awhile now, and the time finally seems to be right. I've gone over it and over it, and really, I don't see why I should put it off any longer. In fact, I really can't believe it's taken me this… Read full post »

I got thinking about Christmas today. 

I kind of had to, since it was only a few days ago, and truth be told, I've been sick since last Thursday. Pretty annoying, actually. Nothing says Holiday Spirit quite like hacking up chunks of mucus (hey, there's a band name for you: Ladies… Read full post »

Dear Alien Overlords,

I have some good news for you: England is now yours. Do with it what you will. I don't know if you heard, but after some 50 years, the British military has closed down it's UFO hotline. No longer will people be able to call the government hotline… Read full post »

I have to hand it to you. You, sir, seem to be one of a kind. If not one of a kind, you are certainly part of a dying breed.

You really love .38 Special, don't you?

I was parked next to you yesterday, me in my Ford Crapmobile, you… Read full post »

Not to be done by her arch-rival, Martha Stewart held a press-conference yesterday in which she took repeated blows to her kidneys by her assistant wielding a pork shank.

Earlier this week, Paula Deen was hit in the face with a ham, but suffered no serious injuries. Stewart, clad in… Read full post »

Awhile back, someone asked The Future Mrs. Wonderhorse when we were getting married, since we've been engaged for coming up on two years now. The answer she gave is the one we've both been giving for awhile: I don't know, whenever we get around to it.

This person, knowing that… Read full post »

I got thinking about gravy today.

We're getting to that time of year when gravy really shines. I tell you, mid-July, I damn near forget gravy even exists. But come late October, I know my gravy intake is getting close to doubling. I don't know what it is about the approaching… Read full post »

"You're going to what?"

"Tweet. Or twit. Or twitterize....whatever the hell they call it. I assume once you have finished, you can say you have tweeted or twitted. I'm guessing you don't say you have just twat."

"No, I don't think I could talk to you anymore if you said you just… Read full post »

Hi. You probably don't remember me. I'm guessing you see a shitload of guys like me every day. No worries - I certainly don't blame you for that. Let's be honest, I'm not that memorable. Anyway, I came in a couple of days ago for that treadmill test thing. You asked… Read full post »

I heard today that Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber has composed a sequel to his mega-hit from the 80's, The Phantom of the Opera.

Love Never Dies is scheduled to premiere in London in March, 2010, then move to New York later next year. I've never seen Phantom, but I know the… Read full post »

I really enjoy a good scare. I'm a big fan of horror movies. Anything that looks remotely scary is good enough to stop me from channel-surfing for at least a couple of minutes. I've noticed something lately, though. A rather disturbing trend for any horror-lover.

What's with all the pansy vampires?… Read full post »

Wow. I can't believe I actually saw that. In fact, I actually had to rewind just to make sure I was seeing it correctly. Yep, there it is. Can't deny it's existence. It's right there - captured for all time.

Nicolas Cage just punched a woman while dressed in a bear… Read full post »

I woke up this morning feeling a bit out of sorts. It made me concerned, in a way. I really have no reason to be out of sorts: a new house, the best mate in the Future Mrs. Wonderhorse, a job, excellent friends, and of course, Zack the Wonderdog. Then it hit me.… Read full post »