It's no secret that I love movies. Always have, always will. According to my mom, the first movie they took me to see when I was a mere pony was "Dumbo" (She also tells me that was also the first time I ever saw a real live midget. A midget who also… Read full post »

I love me some infomercials. Love 'em. Especially if they have a spokesman that looks like he might be one step away from being classified as "seriously deranged". Throw in a New Jersey accent and an eye that floats more than Sammy Davis Junior's, and I'm sold. Well, the makers… Read full post »

I was the prime target for MTV when it debuted in the early 80's.  Unfortunately, it wasn't part of our basic cable package, and damned if my dad was going to pay to see a "bunch of longhairs and pansies" strut around. So, that left me with no other recourse than… Read full post »

Nothing deep or philosophical here. Just the fact that in 15 days, George W. Bush will slither back down to Texas and live out the rest of his life, convinced he was a "uniter". Personally, I don't care if a person is a Republican, Democrat, or Independent. Each has valid ideas… Read full post »

I always feel a little weird doing a year-end top 10 list of the best and worst things I've seen, if for no other reason than I haven't seen everything. Frankly, some of the movies that look the best won't be released until Christmas Day, and then only in selected cities (and… Read full post »

I've been reading with interest the last few days the debate about how to get your work read on OS. Now, I'm pretty new to this whole thing and still figuring out how things work around here. There is a lot of good stuff on here, and a lot of people… Read full post »

There was a story in the news yesterday about some yahoo who named his kid Adolf Hitler Coleman and was all pissed off about how the local bakery wouldn't decorate a cake wishing little Adolf Hitler a happy birthday. Of course, Wal-Mart, always in search of an ever-available buck, had no… Read full post »

I can't tell you how many times I've been walking down the street and thought to myself, "Boy, I sure wish I smelled like meat." Well, now I can! Courtesy of Burger King, you too can now smell like a Whopper.

http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/

Burger King. Selling a body spray. A body spray… Read full post »

Hi Santa, 

I can't believe it's already been a year since we last spoke. And what a year! Historic election, economy in the crapper, bank bailouts, Sarah Palin, the continuing appeal of "The Hills". Crazy, huh? It's a wonder we all made it through in one piece! Well, look, I know… Read full post »

Who the hell is Kimya Dawson? Well, if you have seen the movie "Juno", you have heard her off-key singing. I know, I know, it's "lo-fi" and hip, but folks, it sucks. Let's just get that out in the open. She plays live where I live on what seems to be… Read full post »

Earlier tonight, I was flipping around the dial, and came across "Chained Heat", a women's prison flick from 1983 starring Linda Blair, Sybil Danning, and John "Dean Wormer" Vernon. I've never seen this all the way through, and being a both a guy and a film fan, I just wanted to… Read full post »

Hi, I'm Sheldon the Wonderhorse. The Christmas season is once again upon us, and with that comes a moment of reflection. It's that time of year to think of those less fortunate.

That's right, I'm talking about nerds and geeks.

Most people don't know this, but more nerds commit… Read full post »

I live in a section of the country that is lovingly referred to by elite coastal assholes as "Fly-over country". I accept that. To paraphrase Bill Bryson, someone has to live there. So, as a result, celebrity-sightings are few and far between. Sure, during this past presidential race, everyone was st… Read full post »

I love bad movies. LOVE them.  Don't get me wrong, I love good movies, but there is something about a spectacularly bad one that just gets the blood pumping. When I first saw "Showgirls" many years ago, I thought, "Good god, I am in the presence of something truly special".  It's… Read full post »

Seriously. What the hell is blue raspberry. How is blue a flavor? Someone left a piece of candy on my desk. The flavor is blue raspberry. Last time I checked, raspberries are red, or at the very least, maroon. But blue?

 Seriously. What the fuck is blue raspberry? Read full post »

About a decade ago, I was invited to be in the wedding of one of my best friends from high school. I was living in Chicago; he was getting married in Boise, Idaho. Having never been to Boise, nor anywhere close to Idaho, I thought, of course. Being a struggling actor… Read full post »

I used to work at a bank in the Loop in Chicago with a guy named, let's say, Jim. Jim was an EXTREMELY nice older man (probably in his 60's), always very friendly, never really had anything bad to say about anyone, almost annoyingly nice. Jim had two problems, though:… Read full post »

Using Greg's  Top 10 Free Pass list, I give you my Top 10 I would rather kill myself than have sex with:

10. Phyllis Diller - Who knows what's going on under that wig.

9. Barbara Bush - I want to be nowhere near the place that spawned W.

8. Amy… Read full post »

When I was in college, one of my best friends, Sean,  and I would watch the annual rerunning of the 1964 classic "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on CBS.  One year while watching it, Sean said something that has stuck with me ever since.

"Boy," he said. "Santa's kind of dick".

Huh. … Read full post »

To the woman who rammed into my car this morning:

 Look, I know accidents happen. They happen everyday. No big deal. I get it. It's cold out, snow is in the forecast, everyone has the bright shiny  Christmas lights up so it's easy to get distracted. I know that you were… Read full post »