So I’m looking up some medical information on the health site WebMD this weekend and my eye is caught by a side bar on “Top 12 Health Topics” which is exposed (as it were) to the Top 12 for Men. To wit:
- Frequent Masturbation
- Natural Viagra
- High Cholesterol
- Getting "Wasted"
- Pancreatic Cancer
- Back Pain
- Sex Myths
- Penis Facts
- How to Stop Fighting
- Quit Smoking
- Penis Enlargement
- Most Common STD's
OK, I admit that my eye was caught by the top item, which got me to look down the list with increasing interest. A moment later, I clicked over to the list of Top 12 for Women, which looked like this:
- Peanut Recalls
- Heart Rate
- Bladder Problems
- Bioidentical Hormones
- Super Foods
- Better Sleep
- Preventive Mastectomy
- Hormone Therapy
See any differences?
6 of the 12 items on the Men’s list have to do with sex. On the women’s list exactly….well, none have to do with sex.
At least not directly. You could argue that “Bladder Problems” is related (if we’re talking UTI’s, mostly caused by the old fandango) but not if we’re talking urinary incontinence, which is mostly caused by childbearing, aging and menopause.
Speaking of menopause, it figures into 2 items, Bioidentical Hormones and Hormone Therapy. The men have Frequent Masturbation to worry about, while we have Bladder Problems and hot flashes. (Hmm, maybe those two gender patterns are related….)
On the women's list (a veritable litany of suffering), 5 of the topics have to do with disease or illness vs. just 3 on the men’s list. Hell, maybe the men are searching on “Back Pain” because of sex, too.
Women are worried they’re sick; men are worried they’re not having enough sex. Or too much. Or the wrong way. Or with the wrong people. Or in positions that hurt their backs.
The top item for women, “Peanut Recalls” – well, that just screams “motherhood.” That’s the concern of a person who buys the groceries and feeds the family. Whereas there’s nothing on the men’s list that relates to parenting.
Women are also looking up tips on Super Foods, Better Sleep and Omega-6, all optional ways to improve your overall health. Whereas men are very, very interested in what their penis is doing. They want to make it harder with Natural Viagra or enlarge it unnaturally, or just find out who it is (Penis Facts) because after all, they’re stroking it so much (Frequent Masturbation), they should probably get to know it.
And exactly how is “Frequent Masturbation” a health problem, anyway, or a problem at all? And isn’t it hard (ahem) to imagine a woman considering Frequent Masturbation a problem that she needed to find a solution to?
Maybe if she eats those Superfoods, takes her Omega-6 and Bioidentical Hormones, she’ll feel up to masturbating so much that she wonders if she needs to seek medical help.
But probably she’d just think she found the ultimate answer to Better Sleep.
Here’s WebMD’s explanation of these lists:
WebMD Editors determine the topics and placement on our lists through a process involving the evaluation of user activity on WebMD and population statistics available through government agencies and professional organizations. The topics are not ranked by most popular to least popular. All topics on a list are of relatively equal weight and are simply numbered for ease. If a sponsor or advertiser on WebMD happens to be affiliated with a topic on one of our lists, it is purely coincidental. Nothing should be implied by the topics or order of the list except for the fact that all the topics generate the most interest on WebMD and in our population at large.