Shivaun Nestor

Shivaun Nestor
Location
San Francisco, California, USA
Birthday
June 10
Company
Shivaun Nestor Design
Bio
Lady of loud laughter, lover of politics, poetry, sex, the moving image, metaphor, and most things queer. Web/graphic designer, health/sexuality educator, veteran San Francisco hill walker, frequent gourmet cook, and occasional party grrl.

JUNE 5, 2009 6:46PM

Invasion (Fiction)

Rate: 20 Flag

Empty busHe embarks at the last (or first) stop on the line, near Baker Beach.  Weighed down by a large, frayed knapsack, he must drag his thin body up the steps.  When he reaches the landing, he twists sideways to make room for the heavy bags that he carries in both hands.  A mismatched collection of cloth, plastic and paper, the sacks rattle and bang with his movements.   

The man steadies himself on a handrail and sets down the contents of his right hand.  He searches his front pants pocket to pull out a handful of pennies, nickles and dimes.  The driver, tapping  her fingers on the steering wheel, glares as he puts coin after coin in the slot. The man carefully places the few remaining cents back into his pocket, then picks up each bag individually.  He arranges their handles so as to prevent them from digging into his skin. Then he rights himself.

The man's eyes scans the six passengers who boarded before him.  All sit at the front, belying their tourist status by wearing shorts despite the foggy summer afternoon.  Moving onward, his gaze lands on a three-seat bench at the very back. He stakes out his territory, and starts towards it.   

As the man nears his fellow passengers, they wrinkle their noses.  A pungent concoction of dried sweat and musty unwashed clothes tinged with the acidity of urine, his odor has weight and heft.  It is intensified  by the scent of his bundles, which hint of rich earth, rotting leaves, and the woods abutting the nearby Seacliff neighborhood.

bags on floorSuddenly, the bus lurches.  Losing balance, the man drops the parcels in his left hand and falls against a plump, middle-aged woman.  As the vehicle comes to an abrupt stop, the woman’s equally plump and middle-aged companion uses the momentum to protectively push the man away.  The man rights himself, bracing his body against the rail that runs along the top of the couple’s seat.  He falls again.  As he gets up a second time, his matted brown dreadlocks leave two blades of dried grass against the woman’s heaving bosom. 

With all eyes on him, the man turns to glare at the driver.   Quickly, he bends down to reclaim the spilled contents of his sacks – a soggy convenience store sandwich, a completed Rubik’s Cube with a missing square, a tattered paperback version of Ovid’s “Metamorphosis.”  Pulling himself together, he looks straight ahead and continues towards his destination.   His fellow passengers look away from him as he walks by.  Their shoulders tense as he nears, then relax as it  it becomes clear that he will be sitting further down.  hand resting on knee 

The man's movements slow once he reaches his three-person bench. He unwraps the handles wound around his hands and arranges the bags artfully on the two seats towards the furthest end.  Then he carefully takes off his knapsack, so as not to untie any of the ropes that are holding it together.  Sitting in the empty seat nearest the door, he places the pack between his legs. 

As the bus starts up again, his craggy, rigid features soften.  He grins slightly as he looks at his belongings, positioned so as to take up the whole bench. As the bus fills, people move towards the seats on which the bags rest, then back off once they get a whiff.

boys on busA group of teenage boys boards through the back door and almost breaks this pattern.  Sporting gym bags, backpacks and a cacophony of sound, they move into the man's space.  Using hand signals, the leader of the group dares another member to take one of the man’s seats.  As the challenged boy approaches, the man’s left arm shoots out to land over the middle of his pile.  His hand, framed by soiled denim cuffs and the dirty edge of a wrinkled grey jacket, forms a fist around some of the bag handles.  His eyes narrow and he locks the boy's gaze.  The boy backs off, pinching his nose and firing off a series of face-saving invectives as he turns away. 

Settling back, the man relaxes his grip on his belongings.  He manages to stay in this state through two stops. Then, she arrives.  Impeccably dressed in a perfectly pressed, worsted wool olive suit, she carries a black leather briefcase, a large olive tote and a tired expression.  Young and fit, she moves with grace and confidence.  Stepping into the man’s carefully arranged space, she commands, “Move your bags.  I want to sit.”  

The man doesn't move.woman with tote A minute passes, after which she softly insists, “Sir, you have an empty seat.  I wish to sit." Impervious to the odors, she begins to move the man’s parcels with her free hand.  He quickly scooches the tail end of his property towards himself.  She sits before he has entirely emptied the seat.  Her briefcase lands  on one of the man’s bags, making a crunching noise as it hits. 

The man narrows his eyes with the same intensity that scared off the teens.  However, instead of adjusting her briefcase, the woman takes a large hardback out of her tote, opens it to a marked page and begins to read. The man adjusts the bags closest to her, releasing a small whirlwind of odors. She continues to move her pupils back and forth over the text.  He leans into her, twisting his head to make out the book’s title, “The Law of Success In Sixteen Lessons by Napoleon Hill (Complete, Unabridged).”  As he does so, a coil of his unwashed hair grazes her knee.  She adjusts her skirt while keeping her gaze glued to the pages in front of her. 

The man sits back, but continues to stare at the woman so intently that he almost misses his stop.  When he recognizes where he is, he rises quickly, puts his backpack on lopsidedly and grabs his bags, jerking the last one from underneath the woman’s briefcase.  The surrounding passengers move away as he rushes to the door.  Even now, the woman pays no notice. 

“Back door,” he cries out!  His shouted words echo up the line of bus passengers, until the door finally reopens.  Adjusting his burdens and standing tall, he climbs down the steps and walks off.  The edges of his lips curl up in a slight smile as people in the surrounding crowd wrinkle their noses and part the way for him.


EDITED very slightly at 6:23 PM PDT in order to correct some typos and some poor word choices. The content remains the same.

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This is from a series of short-short stories about encounters between very different people on public transportation. Posted twice because for the life of me, I cannot figure out how to make the formatting I do in the HTML editor stick when I actually post something (looks ok in preview and then disappears when I press the "post this comment" button!
There is a level of attention to detail in there that is pure genius. I am more than just a little impressed.
When I began reading... there were no illustrations. They were suddenly there when I finished and they perfectly illustrated scenes from what I had just read. So cool. Love the visuals.
You have also accomplished something that escapes me. I have tried to get the graphics embedded in the text as you did here and I can never accomplish that. It's always in between lines of texts .. never around it. I wish I understood the difference.
Shivaun,

Are you SURE this is fiction? I was quickly absorbed by it and it went by almost too quickly. Nicely done.

You might enjoy one of my older posts called “The Dog Man of McKenzie Bridge”. It is not fiction, it is about an individual I knew while living in the little mountain town of McKenzie Bridge, Oregon many years ago.

RATED
Shivaun, LOVE the details that bring this piece to life--the pressed worsted suit, the book titles, the weight of his smell. Great post.
this story is a primer on how to write fiction. You use all of the senses, you create tension: protagonist vs. antagonist, and you delve into social commentary without preaching. While reading this, I was on that bus watching..... rated and if I could rated again.
Truly an amazing story. I got lost in it. teary eyed a few times. Incredible.
Harp, thank you! Re: the images suddenly appearing - I was having trouble making them wrap. It was nice to hear that they worked with the piece! (Will PM you with how I got the text wrap, which never shows up on my browser @ work.)

Rick, don't they say that most fiction is autobiographical? Actually, I ride public transport a lot, by choice. It's a combination of fact and fantasy.

Athena, thank you. High praise coming from you.

Mr. Mustard, it was a little scary posting a piece that I knew might make people feel uncomfortable. Thank you for getting it. I am really honored by your feedback.

Fireeyes, simply, thank you.
I agree with Harp. Very vivid and fiction certainly suits you. You are intellectual AND interesting, yet I don't see an EP... I'm perplexed!
Rated
So vivid I smelt him too.
I'm in complete agreement with Harp. This is a perfectly descriptive piece of narration and I feel as though we all know the characters with the detail you have provided. Thank you.
very nicely done Shivaun
To Julie, RenaissanceLady and aBlonde, thank you for reading. I am so glad that you enjoyed it.

Kind of Blue, you are too sweet! (Has anyone ever received an EP for a piece of fiction?)
Actually, I think that is a viable question. If this is an Open Salon for writers, then I would think that good fiction wouldroutinely be recognized on the cover. It doesn't seem to happen that often though. I have to assume it happens.... but my EPs have always been based upon reality. (And it's been quite a while.)
I liked your attention to detail and look forward to reading more of these stories
nicely written vignette, I like the touch of the guy carrying a copy of Ovid, in contrast to the woman's reading material
Great story, Shivaun. I'm not sure what to say about it without repeating everyone else's comments. But I felt what that man's life must be like. The struggle to scrounge the bus fare, the inability to keep himself or his clothes clean. And the constant tension of having to stake out territory, how everyone tenses as he gets closer, then relaxes after they realize he won't sit near them. The momentary relaxation as he stakes out his seat, but then must still defend the back corner of bus that he's claimed. It works on the kid, but not on another adult.

Great use of detail!
1womansvu, Roy, live monster, thank you for reading and for your generous compliments.

shiral, thank you for your in depth comment. Rick asked earlier if it wasn't real. It was inspired by a number of events, but a couple in particular. 1) there is a homeless man in our neighborhood, older, who has a very heavy scent - I've seen grown adults in the small grocery store next to my apartment building pinch their nostrils with their fingers while he was standing there, with no thought to his feelings. 2) At the end of a conversation I had with a very gentle man to whom I'd given money (it was in the Financial District and he was having a really difficult day), he almost spontaneously hugged me but was embarrassed by his smell (we hugged). It started me thinking about some of the things you mention, as well as how easy it is for those of us who are more fortunate to make homeless people invisible, to refuse to recognize our common humanity.
it's like we are there a perfect snapshot of life

the calm woman sounds interesting
Shivaun, wonderful story and excellent writing! It resonated with me on so many levels, and touched all my senses. Your vivid imagery allows the reader to see, feel, and smell the whole scene on the bus. It takes a very special writer to communicate that way, in all the senses. Very well done! Rated.
I love this, Shivaun. I have a few suggestions--but I'll send them in a PM. Great, great stuff. I love the idea of the series of encounters. Could be a very good book of short stories here.
Colin, Kathy, Lorraine, thank you! And Lorraine - never expect feedback, so what a special gift. Looking forward to your PM.
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to read this, but this is gut-wrenching, Shivaun. From the man's entry onto the bus, he became more real with each row he passed. My eyes watered. I felt his ostracization - his "apartness" of it all. And his scheduled respite, a beautiful young lady - he is, after all, still a real, live human male.

When I moved to the city years ago, a friend suggested that when asked for change by a homeless person that it's so much more kind to look at them and say "No, I'm sorry", than to ever pretend they don't exist. Without her suggestion, I'm not sure I'd ever have understood the real power of good eye-contact and a genuine smile.

This is the kind of stuff I think earns a cover. Beautiful, well-written reminders of humanity. Rated.
Lollygagger, thank you for reading, and for your comments. I was really struck by your statement that, "It's so much more kind to look at them and say 'No, I'm sorry', than to ever pretend they don't exist." I don't know about Philly (one of my cousins lives there, btw), but in San Francisco, with the cost of living being so high, many, many people find themselves homeless. You just reminded me of how easy it is to suffer "compassion-fatigue" and how cruel that is at the same time.
The images are wonderful, too, and I'm guessing that they are also your work...

but the text really does engage all the senses all on its own. Very rare, especially in such a short piece that is not also a poem.
P.S. Happy B'Earthday!
Compelling . . .you are very talented!
@ktm, thank you for the birthday wishes! :) and for stopping by - the images are created (cropped and photoshopped) from photos that are not my own, so I guess that you could say they were mine.

@"Hello," she lied (I don't think that I've ever told you how much I love your screen name) and Lisa, thank you!